BIAFRA, DEFUNCT?

Icheoku says it depends; if Biafra is analogous and synonymous with Ojukwu, its alter ego, then Biafra for all intent and purpose, equally rests in peace like its protagonist in chief, the Ikemba Nnewi. As for Ojukwu, he never left anyone in doubt as to his wishes that Ndigbo have fully reintegrated back into Nigeria. As far as Ojukwu was concerned, Biafra did in fact come to an end and he severally manifested this intention and desire in so many ways. 

First, he accepted a full unconditional pardon from a Nigeria President Shehu Shagari and returned to Nigeria from his exile in the Ivory Coast. Second, he joined a national party, the NPN, and contested for a senate seat under its platform as a prospective senator of Nigerian. He had a choice of joining the NPP which to a greater extent was a regional Igbo (Biafran) party, but he chose not to. Third, he vowed to go to war again; but only to ensure Nigeria's unity and would fight anyone and any cause that would jeopardize the country's existence as one indivisible entity. Fourth, in every interview and press releases he gave ever since his return from exile, he did not leave anyone in doubt where he stands on the question of Nigeria's unity. 

Ojukwu severally reiterated his position that there will be no more secession by Biafra and that Ndigbo are back to Nigeria for good and for the long haul. Lastly, he accepted and received his full pension and  accrued benefits from Nigeria government as a retired Colonel of the Nigeria army. And then when he passed away, he was buried with full military honors by Nigeria government and his burial was attended by notable Nigerians, including the late Emir of Kano Ado Bayero, who came to bid a fellow Nigerian farewell. Therefore it is safe to vouchsafe that Ojukwu died a Nigerian and would not be holding a brief for these modern day Biafranists who now want to secede. 

Conversely, if Ojukwu is not Biafra and Biafra is not Ojukwu; and it is agreed that the two were separate entities; and that Biafra as an idea is bigger and greater than any one single individual including Ojukwu; and that Ojukwu is but the then arrowhead of the struggle for freedom that is Biafra, then Biafra survived Ojukwu and is still very much alive and well in the hearts and minds of those it represents something very dear and uplifting. So it goes without saying that the current restiveness among the polity that constitute Biafra is well founded because they have a standing to aspire to a dream Biafran-land; and therefore their agitation should be treated with all its deserved seriousness by the authorities in Nigeria in order to avoid a complete nuclear meltdown of Nigeria. 

Biafra is an idea which time came a very long time ago; but is only being hounded and suppressed by forces that are too afraid to let it come alive and thrive. It is a symbol of a cause, founded to protect against crass and imprudent discrimination, marginalization and suppression of a people. It is an effort against oppression, genocide, pogrom and a defense of a peoples' right to life and pursuit of happiness. It is a call of duty to fight for survival of a people threatened with complete annihilation. But unfortunately, the lessons of the last civil war appear lost on Nigeria, as many of the unjust things that led to that war still subsist till today. 

They have become rather more perversive and their perpetrators more emboldened and audacious. The discrimination of the same people and the treating them as if they are second class and not bona fides of the Nigeria society has only metastasized leading to the current uprising by boys and girls who were not even born during the last war and whose fathers and mothers were hardly old enough to have fought in the previous war. It shows that Biafra lives on, did not die with the last war nor was it buried alongside with Ojukwu, regardless of what his intentions were on Biafrans' reintegration back into Nigeria.

Biafra, as an idea conceived out of the urgency of the then now to provide  a bulwark against a state's supported genocide and threatened annihilation of a people, survived; and has been transmitted down to the present generation as well as in store for those generations still unborn. Like the Jewish nation, which pulls all strings every time to avoid a repeat or a relive of the holocaust, successive people who constitute Indigenous Peoples of Biafra, see themselves as always in a permanent state of perpetual alert, in order to prevent being overrun again by other Nigerians who do not wish them well. It is not that the people of Biafra do not want to share a space with other Nigerians as fellow Nigerians, no, they simply feel not wanted nor welcomed in Nigeria by other Nigerians, who always feel threatened that the people of Biafra are there to take everything and overshadow them.

Icheoku says this is the fuel driving Biafra, especially the current agitation by courageous Biafrans who were either not born or were too young to actually participate or appreciate the magnitude of the disaster that was the previous confrontation with the Federal Government of Nigeria. So the government of Nigeria as well as other Nigerians must address the issue fueling this agitation rather than condemning those agitators as disgruntled miscreants who are not relevant and are up to no good and do not mean well for Nigeria. Icheoku says that a government of Nigeria and other Nigerian nationalities, who want an all inclusive Nigeria, must address the inequities and blatant marginalization and discrimination that is so pervasive in Nigeria. It is akin to the American experience where racist white people are eager to brand black men as angry but do not care to find out what is it that is at the root of this anger in black males of America. 

Icheoku says it is not the composition of Nigeria as it is that is the problem. Nope, the problem is the skewed politics of "we and them" that has continually seen the people of Biafra left holding the plate in the affairs and matters of Nigeria. There is stength in number and majority of Nigerians including the Indigenous Peoples of Biafra, would prefer a united one Nigeria as opposed to a balkanized one. These people would like to see a more united and unified Nigeria, where every citizen feels a sense of belonging and equally having a skin in the game of building the country and equally benefiting from the country. But it is not so; instead some people feel entitled to everything while some others feel left outside the door, begging for what should be theirs as of right. This is the problem and the underlying reason fueling all these agitations throughout Nigeria. No people or even a person likes to be blatantly treated as a stranger in his own father's house or country as in the case of the people of Biafra in Nigeria.

For example, if those Golden Eaglets who played and won the FIFA U-17 World Cup Championship Chile 2015 as Nigerians, could find jobs in any part of Nigeria as Nigerians; could live in any part of Nigeria unfettered as Nigerians; could aspire to any office in the land including the presidency of Nigeria as Nigerians; could marry anyone and raise their children in any part of Nigeria as Nigerians; could live in any part of Nigeria as Nigerians without being treated as none indigenes; could have their children attend schools in any part of Nigeria they call abode without discriminatory fees and charges; then bring on one united Nigeria and every Biafran would stand for it. Biafrans are for one indivisible, truly united Nigeria; but not one where unity is stressed when convenient for some and put aside when it is not. 

Continuing with the Golden Eaglets analogy, but where any member of the winning team say from Edo State comes back and cannot go to Sokoto to get a job except as a mere contract staff without benefits; cannot live freely in any part of Nigeria if he is Igbo, without fear of deportation as an unwanted nuisance in Lagos or having his head randomly chopped off if in Northern parts of the country for simply being Igbo; cannot have a bridge linking to his geographical region built because it is an existing Nigeria state policy to deny and deprive his region of infrastructural developments; cannot aspire to the highest office in the land, the presidency,  including holding certain portfolios, then these perpetrators and deniers of equity in Nigeria must have another thing coming and should roll their sleeves to deal with what is down the pike with the newly reignited Biafra agitation. 

Icheoku says there is nothing unusual about devolution of unions which can no longer meaningfully co-exist as one. With married couple, it is called divorce; which allows spouses who cannot continue to tolerate each other in the same living space to go their respective ways. Such also applies to geographical entities and the world is filled with entities that have splintered over the many years because they could no longer live peacefully together as one, with South Sudan being the latest. 

If Nigeria goes the same way and Biafra becomes an independent entity, so be it as it will not be the first nor the last such came into being. However, Icheoku continues to advocate for a stronger, more unified and united Nigeria; but one in which every one feels equal and where there is no born to rule mentality people lording it over their assumed  lesser mortals. Icheoku maintains that no one is superior to another in Nigeria and therefore it is insulting for some people to always insist it is going to be their way or the whole country goes to hell in hand's basket.

Scotland had a referendum for statehood; Basque separatists did too; so why can't the authorities in Nigeria or even the United Nations push for a referendum in Nigeria to conclusively determine what is actually in the best interest of Nigeria, a united or a balkanized Nigeria. Must they wait until the agitation boils over and there is a conundrum before they do the needful? Icheoku however cautions that an independent Biafra might not be what is needed at this time as a more functioning united Nigeria is the key. Experience shows that as long as humans live together, fault lines will always emerge, no matter the devolution of political entities. 

Modakeke and Ife are still not the best of friends in Oshun State? Onitsha and Obosi people in Anambra State are still feuding? Junkuns and Igbiras; Tivs and Idomas; Zango Katafs and Hausa/Fulanis; Beroms and Fulanis etc have remained permanent cats and dogs. Then on the international sphere, the very recently created South Sudan have seen war erupt between the Dimkas and Jolof tribes. So internecine conflict will not end with the letting go of Biafra but should it be a bar to trying? Even families still fight amongst their members; and in nearly homogeneous societies such as one united by one religion, crisis still develop. Pakistan was primarily carved out as a safe-haven for Muslims from a Hindu-dominated India, to ensure peace among its muslim population,  yet they are still killing themselves.

It is a fact of life that things do not always usually go as planned; but like couples trapped in an arranged unhappy marriage, Icheoku says may be the different nationalities that constitute Nigeria should try a brief timeout from living together? They could give it a shot and be at liberty to later come back together as one, why not? It is an experiment that might be worth undertaking, considering the degree of restiveness currently pervading the country. A clobbered nationalities which who do not see themselves as one nor primarily as Nigerians; but who easily first identifies themselves based on their tribes. They don't care about Nigeria's survival, but only cares about what they can milk from it. 

This is the reason they are always insisting on their way or the highway for others; and thus, secretly wishing by their action that country's center do not hold but to fall apart and into pieces. Icheoku does not share in this their divisive and detrimental actions; and says that whatever happens, absent a more reinvented and revived Nigeria which is working for everyone, a peaceful dissolution of the entity might not be an out of place thinking. Such a peaceful dissolution as happened in the former Yugoslavia, might be  the best option for Nigeria under the present circumstance.  Better still, let Nigeria devolve into its regional components as truly federating units; and let every region compete with one another to be the best they can be, but still under the umbrella of one Nigeria. 

NNAMDI KANU IS BIGGER THAN BUHARI - KUKAH?

“This country cannot continue this way. MASSOB has right to demand Biafra since we have freedom of expression. The problem of Nigeria should not be with Kanu but should be with who let the door open. The President of Nigeria or any governor, unless he pays, cannot bring the number of people that Kanu brought out. The anxiety of Nigeria should be that a young man who can bring out such great number of people is worth doing business with." - Bishop Matthew Kukah. 

Icheoku says that possibly explains why he wants to cut him to size by continuing to detain him despite a duly granted and perfected bail releasing him from detention. Icheoku says Radio Biafra Nnamdi Kanu can only continue to grow bigger and will continue to dwarf the man who just finally got his certificate and a doctorate one for that matter, Dr President Muhammadu Buhari.

BIAFAN AGITATORS ARE TERRORISTS - JUNAID MOHAMMED.

"Next to the Boko Haram is the South-east terrorists, who have been on but very soon they are going to be demolished, like it is being done to Boko Haram. Now, tell me what they are, if they are not terrorists? What is the difference between what they are doing and what Boko Haram terrorists did or are still doing? As far as I am concerned, they are one and same thing." - Dr Junaid Mohammed. Icheoku says now the real trouble is about to begin in Nigeria with the impending crackdown on peaceful protesters.

CERTIFICATE OR NO CERTIFICATE, BUHARI IS NOW A DOCTOR?

Icheoku says thinking outside the box, the governor of Kaduna State Mallam Nasir el Rufai has magically cured the certificate albatross hounding President Muhammadu Buhari. By persuading the Kaduna State University to award the president an honorary doctorate degree, the president can now prefix his name with a 'DR' and to hell with all those antagonists who protest that the president does not have a First School Leaving Certificate. Icheoku queries what use is then a F.S.L.C. when the president now has a doctorate, for crying out loud? Icheoku says congratulations to Dr President Muhammad Buhari, the now "CERTIFICATED"president of Nigeria. All hail the doctor-president !!!.

IBN BALA NA'ALLAH, ANTI SOCIAL MEDIA SENATOR OF NIGERIA

Icheoku says like Adams Oshiuomhole of Edo State, this senator from Kebbi State gets his coat (suit) from a carpenter. What a testament to the caliber of human denigrates at the helm of affairs in Nigeria.

FIVE SIGNS OF A BAD MARRIAGE AND THEIR FIXES - NANCY JERGINS.

A few weeks ago, I was sitting on the sidelines at my daughter’s lacrosse game when I witnessed one of the 5 signs of a bad marriage unfold before me. A mother sitting nearby was cheerfully watching the game too, when a man walked up behind her. Without turning around to look at him, she brusquely said, “You’re late. What’s your excuse this time?” 

Ouch! After watching them over the next few minutes, I figured out that he was her husband. Of course, I have no idea what was going on in their marriage, and maybe the wife was just having a bad morning, but it reminded me that I should never talk to my husband that way in public (or in private, for that matter). If we do see any one of these signs of a bad marriage in our own relationship, we should regroup and try to correct the problem before it becomes too destructive. Here are the 5 signs of a bad marriage. 

1. You’re rude to each other:- No one can be polite 24/7; but, if rude is your default, there’s a problem. Rudeness is often a cover for resentment because of something your spouse has or has not done. It’s a way to get in nonphysical digs at your spouse. It also shows that you don’t find him or her worth the effort it takes to be courteous. 

How to fix it:- First, ask yourself why you’re being rude to him or her. Is it a passive-aggressive way to get back at him or her? Is there a bigger issue you need to discuss? After you’ve considered those questions, talk to your spouse and say something like this: “Josh (Jane), I know we’re both nice people, but I admit I haven’t been acting that way toward you. I apologize for being rude and short with you. I’m going to do my best to treat you with kindness.” Then, even if he or she doesn’t offer to reciprocate, move forward with your resolution. 

2. You disrespect each other in front of your children, friends and families:- It’s one thing to be snippy and disrespectful when no one is around. In that case, you’re only hurting yourselves. But if you act that way in front of your children, you’re hurting them too; in front of your friends that you don't value your spouse and in front of your family that you made a mistake in choosing him or her. 

How to fix it:- Children need to see their parents as a team – devoted to each other for the good of the family. When you tear down your husband in front of your kids, you are damaging your children’s sense of security. You want them to see their dad as a great guy. If you treat him disrespectfully, they’ll have negative feelings toward him too. Or, they’ll feel sorry for him and take his side over yours. In other words, your actions will either alienate your children from their father or from you. Either way is not good. So starting today, treat your husband respectfully in front of your children. (So also should spouses not tear down each other  before their friends and families)

3. You assume the worst about each other:- This is called negative interpretation, or mind reading. For example, if your husband says, “Where’s the dry cleaning?” You hear, “Why didn’t you pick up the dry cleaning? You never get it when it’s your turn.” When you’re in the “assume the worst” mindset, you also focus on your husband’s mistakes. Not only does this foster negative feelings in you toward your husband, it makes him feel pretty worthless in your eyes too.(Or using such words as 'you are a monster, animal, idiot, harlot, lazy, stupid and such other words and name-calling that does not uplift but tears down and belittles each other). 

How to fix it:- The fix is actually simple – assume the best. Don’t read a negative message into what your husband says, how he acts, or what he chooses to do. If in doubt, ask him what he meant and give him a chance to make himself clear. 

4. You don’t like spending time together with each other:- When you have spare time—whether it’s a free half hour after the kids have gone to bed or a weekend night when the kids are staying with their grandparents—if your husband or wife is not your first choice to be your free time companion, then you have a problem of bad marriage. And when you do spend time together, it turns tense. 

How to fix it:- The only way you will grow closer to your husband or wife is to spend quality time with them—that’s the first step. When you are together, make that time exempt from serious discussions or hot-button issues. Keep it light, keep it fun. Go in with a good attitude but not one full of resentment or mere toleration. Prepare yourself to have fun and be fun. 

5. You argue instead of discuss:- If every discussion turns into a battle of argument of who will win, you need to work on your communication skills with your spouse. I know that’s easier said than done, but it’s crucial. You both need to feel safe to bring up any topic. You need to be confident that while a discussion might get intense, it will not degenerate into yelling, name calling, temper tantrums or angrily walking off and away from each other. 

How to fix it:- The good news: You can learn to communicate better! Go to your husband and tell him that you want to be able to talk about things with him, but don’t point a finger at him. Then use these ideas to learn to discuss instead of argue.

SYRITA BOWEN, A WOMAN OF COURAGE

Icheoku says give it up to yet another great Amazonian, Syrita Bowen of Enid Oklahoma, for standing up for what was right and faced down what was wrong. If only the disgraced rapist policeman Daniel Koltzclaw knew that this 57 year old spunky grandmother would not accept to be raped by him, may be he would not have forced himself on her. Icheoku says a big standing O for another woman of America, who refused to keep quit, refused to become a service whore to a criminal policeman Koltzclaw and who also refused to remain silent when violated. Syrita Bowen, you are a great American and indeed newsworthy!

YOUR MARRIAGE NOT WORKING, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Icheoku says marriage or the shacking up together of two partners should not be a life in hell, except that spouses lie to each other just to get hitched. So whenever marriage is based on superficiality rather than substantive core infallible values, it is as good as marooned; moribund, dead on arrival and even before the honeymoon ever began. 

Icheoku says the best way to hedge your bet on finding a joyful marital relationship is to determine what is important to you at the onset. Do not hide who you are, your true colors, in your attempt to ensnare him or her; only to later start complaining that he or she has changed or that she or he is no longer who you married. People for most part do not change who they are, admitted they sometimes some insecure people may mask their true identity. Such a deceived spouse has every right to opt out or keep you miserable as the bargained was not the delivered. Keep it real and let he or she freely make up his or her mind and like you for what you truly are. Surprises are one sure way of evaporating trust and confidence and with it marital bliss. 

Marriage is a purely exclusive relationship between two willing, consenting souls, period. It is not a community affair and should exclude every other person including parents, families, colleagues and friends of both spouses. Even children of the marriage, where applicable, are still but guests to the union; hence they have and should enjoy only mere privileges because they have no rights whatsoever therein. Therefore it is injurious to a relationship for either spouse to try to supplant their children or any of the listed parties above far and above the other spouse. Your spouse should always remain the number one person, the first lady or first man, of the relationship. As Lady Diana once lamented, "there are too many of us in this marriage", lamenting the overbearing influence of the Queen in her marriage to Prince Charles which eventually torpedoed it; please do not suffer similar fate by alienating your spouse or subjugating him or her to irrelevance. 

But unfortunately, some spouses neglect this requirement as they relegate their spouse to the background or foot mat in their relationship. They elevate their children, parents, brothers, sisters, relatives, friends, colleagues and sometimes even their bosses and pastors into higher positions in their life. They allow these proverbial strangers more rungs in their ladder to the detriment of their spouse, who is treated as a mere appendage instead of a bona fides of the relationship.  Spouses craving a good, long lasting relationship must avoid anything that will so fundamentally and functionally change the structure of their relationship such that the other spouse is no longer occupying his or her coveted position.  Spouses should never devote more time and attention to these other people and thereby forsake or neglect the primary reason that created the environment. 

Always bear in mind that your parents have had their own moment in the sun; that your children will someday grow up and move away to move on with their own lives; that your friends are just friends and that your brothers and sisters do not get naked with you. There is a reason why it is called a union and not any other nomenclature. These fine points are however for those who desire and crave a good working relationship, otherwise, just unravel it by doing the opposite. Also remember it is called relationship because you relate to each other as it is never a boss and underling affair. Like God said, 'come let us make man', it is interactive and collegiate; the two parties put their heads together to find solutions as well as making decisions. 

Whatever you do, avoid imposing your will on each other and discuss any action or decision which is capable of inconveniencing or impacting the relationship. If your mother is going to move in, discuss and agree on it. If you are going to spend community resources on a relative, discuss and agree on it. If you are going to make a major decision concerning or involving the relationship or their resources, discuss and agree on it. Icheoku does not envisage or see a situation where any loving spouse will refuse or disagree on any good proposition that was respectfully tabled and convincingly marshaled out. But the cookie begins to crumble when a spouse becomes rather too obstinate and stubborn that it rises to stupidity, thinking that because of this and that, it is going to be his or her way or the highway. Respect is everything in every relationship and people want to believe that they are not invisible; so recognize and acknowledge your spouse as you would your boss and you will have an Eldorado to treasure.

Icheoku says if after observing all these and your marriage is still not working, may be you should consider hanging the boot or just hang in there and be more prayerful. But know that you are not alone as studies show that a good  percentage of marriages do not usually work as anticipated, principally because some of the preceding listed usually come in the way. So many marriages are alcoholic, Valium and other sedatives based; trying to make it one day at a time. It is a universal agreement that it is hard job which many speedily shove away. If after giving it your all and you still cannot take it any longer and wants out; it is good to know too that you are also not alone, neither the first nor will you be the last. Findings also show that close to 99.9% of married couples at one point or the other in their relationship contemplated opting out. 

While some lacked the courage to pull the trigger because they are afraid and skittish about life without marriage, others changed their minds due to one intervening reason or the other; and some others bravely walked the plank. Icheoku says if at the end of the day, you feel like it, seriously convinced that divorce is the best option for you, please for goodness sake, get it. For whatever the world might say, divorce is still a lesser evil than the killing of one's spouse. It is also a fact of consequence that so many couples have felt like and seriously contemplated killing their spouses before; while some others have carried through with it. However, before taking that irreversible step to perdition, please advise yourself properly of the terrible consequences of such an action; otherwise getting up and walking away might be a more palatable cause of action.

It is a pointer that marriage does not necessarily work when founded on weak links and at best, works with optimal, maximum sacrifices by both parties.  So if you want to make your marriage work, you have to commit and put in the necessary time required. That you are still in yours shows that you are striving to make it work. This is the most commendable step required, hanging in there and pushing it; except of course where you have given up and can no longer stand the heat in the kitchen, in which case, you have to do the needful by getting out of the kitchen. Many have called it quits, many are still working to fix theirs, while many are behind bars for taking the wrong action. There is no one quick fix or a silver bullet that ushers in a happy marriage;  you just have to work it to be what you want it to be. 

Money does not beget happy marriage, otherwise billionaires and millionaires will not be divorcing and sometimes killing each other too. Fame does not bring a happy marriage, otherwise  Hollywood and Nollywood stars will not be divorcing and killing each other too? Finding a model wife and a chiseled-chest husband is not it either as in this model-couple's world lies the most disruptive and dysfunctional marriages.  Children does not bring about a happy marriage either as spouses are known to have committed murder-suicide, killing all their children and spouse before taking their own lives too. Icheoku would proffer that friendship, companionship and compatibility of spouses appear to be the strongest super-glue that hold relationships. 

But in any event, just find something to hold unto to uplift your marriage and then rock and roll with it. But please stop wishing that you are with that dream spouse next door because you do not know what goes on behind their own closed doors. Forget those fake smiles, fancy cars, designer dresses and expansive mansions; they do not a happy home make, admitted they could purchase some level of comfort. So today decide to treasure what you have and observing the above, pray that you are not left lonely and alone in a supposed marriage. All the best campers and for all those still sitting on the fence, quivering, if you are tilting towards it, take that plunge as life must go on with or without happy marriages, although happy ones are preferred. Salute.

DANIEL HOLTZCLAW, CONVICTED RAPIST POLICE OF OKALHOMA CITY.

Icheoku says finally at last an all white jury stood up and did what was right in America, convicting an all American white police man for his crimes against the women he was sworn to serve and protect. The randy, rapist, night crawling police officer, formerly of Oklahoma City Police Department, was handed down a total of 263 years plus 30years in the slammer. Icheoku says congratulations to the jurors for once braving it to do what is right in America. Daniel Holtzclaw witnessed a Daniel come to judgment, convicted of raping and sexually victimizing eight women on his police beat, in a minority black, low-income neighborhood of Enid, a city near Oklahoma City. 

At 29 years old, that sucker will have a lengthy time to indeed reflect on his abuse of defenseless women, whom  he swore to protect and serve. But instead, hiding under the instrumentality of his office, an issued badge and a service pistol, he overwhelmed their resistance and had his way severally with them. But the jury said such cowardly, whimpering and weeping girlie-man's conduct, who hid under his badge and service pistol to commit one of the most reprehensible crimes of abuse of office and rape, cannot go unpunished and they recommended the maximum sentence of close to triple life sentences. 

Speak of taking undue advantage and abuse of power; and this jackass is eminently qualified as a perpetrator in chief. His crimes for which he was convicted include rape, sexual battery and procuring lewd exhibition. A man who was supposed to protect and serve decided to only service his penile appendage and from intimidate women. Icheoku agrees with Oklahoma county District Attorney David Prater that "Justice was done today, and a criminal wearing a uniform is going to prison now." What a pervert this disgraced police officer is that disgraced both his uniform and the trust of the community he was sworn to protect and serve. Daniel Holtzclaw is what a police officer is not supposed to be and he was not crying out of remorse but that he was caught and now convicted for his crimes; and he is going away for a lengthy prison sentence that might see him never making it out alive. 

ROBERT DEAR, A WARRIOR FOR BABIES?

Icheoku says definitely a cuckoo fit only for a permanent mental asylum confinement.

MASSOB'S RALPH UWAZULIKE, HAS HE LOST HIS RELEVANCE?

Icheoku says unfortunately the battle for the souls and minds of Biafran people for their leadership has ensued and is becoming ugly. The very reason Biafran antagonists, sarcastically say that they are worried that an independent Biafra would be plunged into perpetual turmoil because of internecine struggle for power. The leader or rather former leader of MASSOB, who is currently leading BIM, (Biafra Independent Movement), now feeling threatened by the high visibility and extreme popularity of Nnamdi Kanu, as the emerging or emerged arrow-head of Biafra, is now fighting for his life and fighting dirty, to remain relevant as the leader of Biafra. 

Icheoku admonishes that leaders are not self-imposed; they are thrown up by circumstances and organically emerges by the peoples' popular support. In this department therefore, Nnamdi Kanu is the man of the hour as every true blood Biafran agrees that he has shown the courage and audacity required for true-born leaders. Therefore, all Uwazulike can do now is to step aside and stay out of the way of a mass movement which is entirely different from his group of members only MASSOB. At best, Uwazulike can act as the father figure of the Biafran struggle; but he must not allow his ego to deceive him into thinking that his position trumps Nnamdi Kanu's. Icheoku says that Uwazulike's sun had risen and is now set; eclipsed by the newly emerged authentic leader of Biafra, Nnamdi Kanu. Nnamdi Kanu is currently the man President Muhammadu Buhari's government of Nigeria is sleeplessly worried about; and is attacking with all it has just for standing up to call for a rebirth of a nation which is long since overdue. Nnamdi Kanu is the "EBEANO" and the "OHAMADIKE" of Biafra; so whatever Uwazulike had contributed to the struggle is hereby acknowledged as history.

But unfortunately instead of enjoying and celebrating with every Biafran with the current whirlwind called Nnamdi Kanu and his IPOB (Indigenous Peoples of Biafra), Uwazulike is being the Grinch. But unlike the real Grinch that stole Christmas, Biafrans will not allow Uwazulike to take the shine out of what is going on nor its alter-ego Nnamdi Kanu. Uwazulike can form whatever number of organizations he likes or rename existing ones or rebrand his MASSOB, there is room for everybody, provided the agenda remains the same - Biafra rebirth. Icheoku says attacking Nnamdi Kanu will not cut it nor restore Uwazulike to an utopian height of his dreams as leader of Biafra. Therefore he must back off and back down from his present course of conduct,  attacking innocent Nnamdi Kanu and the IPOB who has done nothing to him or he will have another thing coming his way from the people of Biafra. Uwazulike does not won Biafra and neither did Ojukwu and therefore he does not have any exclusivity to the desire to have Biafra resuscitated.

Uwazulike who is suddenly now preaching against violence has been threatening violence for quite some time now; only that the lacked the bile to put his money where his mouth was. Uwazulike once threatened to go to war if the peaceful stance of MASSOB is not accorded due attention by the government. The same Uwazulike also threatened to go to war if the government continues to kill its members and if the continuous killing of Ndigbo in the North does not stop. In an interview with Daily Sun newspaper on June 20, 2011, Uwazulike regretted that the government has ignored his MASSOB group and threatened to take to violence like Boko Haram. In the same interview he congratulated Boko Haram and flirted with the idea of joining Boko Haram for adopting a method which works in Nigeria. In his own words, Uwazulike said, "I am telling you that if I have my way now, I will join Boko Haram and the entire country will turn into crisis, since it is what the Federal Government wants. I am saying it today that, I congratulate the Boko Haram people and I wish they will continue in their efforts and if I have my way, I will join them." 

Again on March 19, 2013 in the same Daily Sun newspapers, Uwazulike declared, “I am ready to declare another civil war in this country if this killings and other senseless activities on Ndigbo continue like this because I know that it was this type of massacre that brought about the first civil war in Nigeria.” Also on June 17, 2014 in another Daily Sun interview Uwazulike threatened, “It is most unreasonable to kill innocent people with bombs. Therefore, if this attempt to exterminate our people with bombs in any part of Igboland succeeds, what we will do will be unimaginable; the level of our reaction will be catastrophic. In this regards, nobody will ascertain the level of our unreasonableness.” Suddenly now Uwazulike is denouncing Radio Biafra Nnamdi Kanu of IPOB for adopting violence in the struggle of Biafra emancipation. So what is Ralph Uwazulike saying regarding violence, especially when none ever ensued? Where was violence used throughout these protests except that unleashed by the agents of the Nigeria government? 

Icheoku says Uwazulike apologizing for a mosque that was not burnt is cheap; apologizing for houses that were not burnt, is petty; apologizing for Northerners killed in the Southeast when none was killed, despite the thousands of Biafrans Ndigbo being killed every time in the North is seeking undue relevance and such nonsensical imbecility must cease and stop henceforth. Icheoku asks Uwazulike what has he done in his past fifteen years of leading MASSOB to avenge those Biafrans slaughtered daily in the North, including the 29 Adazi Nnukwu people, who were practically from the same extended family, that Boko Haram slaughtered in Taraba State? Icheoku says Uwazulike's claim that he  allegedly recruited and later fired Nnamdi Kanu from MASSOB is irrelevant and at best, an envious lamentation because his seed has now outgrown and surpassed him. It is regrettable that no former boss likes to see or is usually at ease at the progress of his former understudy. 

Icheoku asks Uwazulike to grow up and be more circumspect in his utterances before losing complete relevance in Igbo land and Biafra in general. Uwazulike should know that there is time for everything under the sun according to Ecclesiastes 1:3 and now is time for another true leader to emerge and he has emerged in Nnamdi Kanu. Uwazulike should consign himself to nurturing his new project BIM (Biafra Independence Movement) and see how he can help coordinate every other group similarly geared, towards making Biafra a mission accomplish instead of this apparent petulant obvious belly-aching. Finally to Uwazulike's poser, “Why must heaven fall because Nnamdi Kanu was arrested? What happened to Benjamin Oneuka who has been in prison because of Biafra?”, Icheoku says there is a great difference between a leader who effervesced from popular following and those pretenders and wanna-be leaders who crowned themselves. 

Moreso, the Biafran Zionist Movement's Benjamin Onueka going to burn down Lions Building Enugu, the future seat of power of an independent State of Biafra, is simply out of touch and unreasonable. Lastly, the same Ben Oneuka was violently engaged in his attempted overthrow and take over of Enugu State Government House; but this act of violence was glossed over by Uwazulike when he was pontificating his averse to adopting violent means in the struggle. But serving as a devil's advocate, just for purpose of argument, assuming that Uwazulike is the leader and has been leading the Biafran struggle since 1989, having not achieved his objective thus far, is it not about time he left the scene for another to try? But no, he would rather claw and scratch and dragged out kicking, instead of honorably stepping aside for a new thinking to take over the effort. Icheoku says now you know why this ebbing self-appointed leader of MASSOB Raphael Uwazulike, is seeing doubly red and very green with envy, because a new sheriff is in town and his followership dwarfs whatever his MASSOB leadership ever could muster. Icheoku says hail to the new chief and authentic Biafran leader emerged, Nnamdi Kanu. Uwazulike please move over to make way or you are toast.

BEHIND THE BIAFRAN AGITATION - EZEDI UDOM

Ever since the civil war, the government of Nigeria has maintained a belligerent posture against the southeastern region, only acquiescing it just what it thinks would enable it hold down the Igbo agitation. If we excuse all that happened during the war as part of the war, what can anyone say of various Nigerian policies since the end of the war? At the end of the war, the government of Gowon exchanged the deposits of Igbos in the banks prior to the war for not more than twenty pounds per depositor. Also in pursuance of the administration’s reconstruction agenda, Gowon did his work in Lagos despite the fact that the war was fought in the Eastern region. 

Another area to look at is the creation of states – from the four regions of Eastern, Mid-Western, Northern, Southern in 1963, to 12 states 1967 by General Yakubu Gowon; to 19 states in 1976 by General Murtala Muhammed; to 21 states in 1987 and 30 states in 1991, by General Ibrahim Babangida, and to 36 states in 1996 by Gen Sani Abacha? In the current composition, the North has 19 states representing 52.7 per cent; the then Eastern has nine or 25 per cent, the then Southern has six or 16.6 per cent and the then Mid-Western has two or 5.5 per cent. Senatorial constituencies, which are allotted three to each state, further shows the skewed power structure in favour of the Northern region. 

A look at the creation of the six geopolitical regions of the country, another political structure that is used in distributing the country’s commonwealth further shows the marginalisation of the southeastern region to the benefit of the North. The six geopolitical regions were distributed three to the then North, one to the then South, one for the then Mid-West and a part of the then East, and one for the then East. The same scenario is played out in the creation of local governments areas (LGAs) in Nigeria, which were also arbitrarily done by the same dictators. Of the 774 LGAs, the then Eastern Region has 24.9 per cent, Mid-Western has 5.5 per cent, Southern has 17 per cent, and the North has 51.8 per cent. 

Like the allocation of resources in Nigeria, the allocation of opportunities is also along this flawed structure. Most people from the then Biafra lost years of schooling as a result of the war that was fought on its territory but the Nigerian government did nothing to cushion the effect of this loss. It instead promulgated the federal character policy that supposedly intended to give equal opportunities to the states arbitrarily created by the northerners as against the constitutionally created regions. 

To further underscore the ulterior motive for this promulgation, the political office holders, who have been predominantly north, pick and choose when to apply this policy so that the North becomes the major beneficiaries. They apply it in academic, and not in job, opportunities. A case in point is that apart from the fact that no person from the Southeast occupies any of the five major political seats in the country, it does not have a seat in the first 35 appointments made by President Buhari. 

Prior to these appointments, Buhari had hinted on his anti-Southeast stance as he promised to favour only the regions that massively voted for him, using the commonwealth, hugely generated from the Southeast. And to further justify the Buhari’s stance, John Odigie-Oyegun, the national chairman of the APC condemned the Southeast region for voting the candidate of their choice, saying that they committed a political blunder “putting all their eggs in one basket”. The Southeast still await Buhari and Oyegun to explain if Buhari is the president of only those regions who voted for him. 

In the meantime, the exploited people ask to be allowed to go to where they will be better treated. They organised themselves and conducted themselves in a manner that should be commended, doing their peaceful protests and the government of the day labels them miscreants, secessionists, and now, terrorists and keeps threatening them. It hounds them into prisons in the most unconstitutional way, denying them bail, even in disobedience of a court ruling. 

Historically, Biafra has simply been a response of the oppressed, not an agitation for preferential treatment. It is a call to Nigeria to redress the injustices against a people or let them go. Biafra is an acknowledgement of oppression and a pointer to a haven for the oppressed, irrespective of where they come from. The reason Biafra keeps recurring in the Southeast is due to the fact that this same people have been the victims of deprivation throughout the history of independent Nigeria. The level of socio-economic development you could see in the region today was as a result of the individual and collective industry of the Igbo people; no serious contribution from the federal government. 

The best the Buhari government could do is to be courageous and seek ways of redressing the injustice against the people of the Southeast instead of the cowardly denial of the issue and hoping the problem will go away with threats upon threats. The least it could do if it does not want to redress this injustice, on the other hand, is to conduct a referendum to know the popular stance of the people and act accordingly. A stitch in time saves nine. The Biafra agitation has been nothing but commendable – no violence, no molestation, no disruption of the public peace – just peaceful protests. It contradicts the fixation that every Biafra is a call for war.

SHUT MUSLIMS OUT FROM UNITED STATES OF AMERICA - DONALD TRUMP.

Icheoku says Republican Presidential candidate contender numero uno, the fire-eating Donald J. Trump has done it again. When Americans and the tuned-in world thought he has said it all, here comes the mother of all his bombs. The Donald wants all Muslims banned from entering the United States of America until things cool off. In his words, the maverick politician and presidential candidate wanna be said, "I Donald J. Trump, is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our nations leaders can figure out what the hell is going on. Until we are able to determine and understand this problem and the dangerous threat it poses, our country cannot be the victims of horrendous attacks by people that believe only in jihad, and have no sense of reason or respect for human life."

Icheoku says give it up to the Donald, the man who has mastered the art of drawing attention to himself and being the pace-setter and decider of the agenda in the ongoing Republican Party primaries campaign. Icheoku agrees that the Donald is frustrated just like every other Joe and Jane of America who is tired of all these fanatical Muslims terrorizing the world and desires a fix to the problem. However outright blanket ban of all Muslims is not the answer as among the billions of practicing Muslims, are several hundreds of millions of very good Muslims who do not subscribe nor take delight in the shedding of human blood by these mad Muslims. A case of one bad apple spoiling the basket for everyone is not good and should not be tolerated. 

Icheoku tunes in and is gravitating to the Donald for being bold and brash enough to tackle some politically incorrect issues. But on this one, Icheoku says lets not use a sledge hammer where a little mallet would suffice. The effort should be concentrated at intensifying intelligence gathering on these lunatics and maintaining eternal vigilance. Icheoku is emphatic that Donald spoke out of frustration but regardless, using a machete where a scalpel will be adequate is out of the question. Further comparing the Jewish holocaust with his call is apple and oranges as Jews never terrorized the Germans before Hitler went on overdrive; unlike these lunatics who kill everyone simply for their warped understanding or rather interpretation of what their Mohammed ordered. 

But acting as a devil's advocate, what if Muslims are banned from entering the United States and Saudi Arabia angrily reacts, can America withstand the shock to its economy a massive Saudi Arabia pullout from America's financial industry will throw up? A country that practically owns Wall Street, so many other banks, one of the biggest customer of America defense industry as well as many juicy real estate holdings in America, if incensed, could do a great havoc to our country's economy. Needless to add the other one billion Muslims throughout the world who might decide to boycott America, withdrawing their assets as well as hundreds of thousands of their wards who are international students in American universities and colleges. 

Icheoku admonishes that such a provocation of a very large group of people is not in our country's national interest and should be frowned at by every man and woman of good spirit in America. Be that as it may, Icheoku says if such a rhetoric would provoke some response in Muslim worlds to start seeing these Islamic terrorists as both their problem and export to the world, which they should seriously tackle, then it is a welcome wake up call. These people come from somewhere and were groomed by fiery clerics who preached and imbibed this hatred in them; including the ever 'Death to America' chanting mobs of Iran. But the San Bernardino husband terrorist is an American born Pakistani; so how does Donald plan to keep out such American from entering his country when he was already here as bona fide citizen?

Icheoku says peoples movement around and across the world is a good thing that should be encouraged rather than discouraged. Without Obama senior, a Muslim, entering the United States, the country would not have a president named Barack Obama; a product of a black Muslim Kenyan father and a white Christian American mother. There are also other stories of Muslims who have accomplished and contributed immensely to America and so, one or two Muslim lunatic fringes should not be used as a benchmark or measure to judge and/or punish every other Muslim in a collective responsibility fashion. Otherwise where would Donald Trump suggest America put all those white extremists Christian terrorists who have carried out acts of terror on the homeland. The Timothy McVeigh, Eric Ruddolf, Jeffrey Dhumer, Ted Kazeski, Adam Lanza, Chris Harper-Mercer, etc were all Christian terrorists and how do we guard against such Americans or should we have shipped them out to Saudi Arabia to have their heads publicly chopped off with a machete or sword in a macabre bloody show? 

A holistic approach is preferred where every America,  Muslims, Christians, Jews, Gentiles, Pagans, Atheists etc would join forces as Americans to collectively wage the war against Islamic terror. If anyone sees something, they should say something; and mosques should be discouraged from preaching sermons that incite this madness. Finally the days of Japanese internment is long over; the Chinese concentration camps are long gone; Slave plantations are equally a distant history; so also is the most recent near attempt to quarantine Africans and other African emanating visitors coming back to the United States because of the Ebola scare.  But hey, Donald Trump is possibly acting out a script which his presidency might pursue; but Americans, especially those of them in the Republican Party, still have the chance to stop him before he stops them from clinching the presidential election in 2016. 

Icheoku says Donald Trump survives always his gaffs but this Muslim total and complete interdiction or exclusion from America might be one helluva gaff to overcome. But the silly season of politics usually throws up all manner of feistiness, all geared towards clinching the party's ticket. How else does anyone candidate do it other than throwing the proverbial red meat to satisfy the far fringed right fanatics who pick the presidential candidate of the Republican Party. Possibly The Donald is just playing his card very close to his chest and would revert to the center once the nomination is secured. But such gambling, might be too risky, regardless.

YOUR MARRIAGE, WORK IT TO MAKE IT WORK.

Icheoku says ever wondered why it seems that your friend's or neighbor's marriage is working seamlessly so well as opposed to yours? Ever wondered what makes a marriage work or which makes one seemingly work better than the other? It is the derivatives and expectations of marriage that make all the difference; and that which anyone desiring to step into or who is already in it, but wants to improve the odds, should always make his or her check list. 

So running a mental checklist, a spouse can easily determine if he or she is lucky in love already or needs to reboot or even needs a do over and start all over again with a fresh spouse, depending on the enormity of the marital virus afflicting the marriage. Icheoku reiterates that marriage should not be a life prison sentence inside the pit of hell. But unfortunately many spouses end up so sentenced, simply because their marital foundation was faulty; founded on deceit, superfluousness and other ancillary reasons which are in diametrical opposite to core lasting values which drives and should drive every successful union. So once the set objective or purpose is achieved, like getting that ring or securing a right to a treasure trove, they no longer see the need or anything therein to live or work for in order to make the marriage work.

Icheoku says a successful marriage is one where both parties see themselves as complimenting each other rather than competing with one another. Where each party sees the  other as a vital component part of a whole him or her; without whom he or she is incomplete. But definitely not one where each sees the other just as a disposable appendage, selectively wanted as occasion may dictate. Both parties must see each other as somewhat fulfilling them and not just a mere source of pain or inconvenience that should be tolerated. Both parties must sincerely appreciate each other's attribute and contributions to the union; but not just treat them as second rate spouse, who ordinarily, they would not have married but for prevailing circumstances. 

Therefore it is imperative that parties to a marriage abide by the code of conduct that makes marriage work and work well. Icheoku calls it the "TRC" of marriage - trust, respect and communication. Also imbibe the culture of replacement of "me, I and mine" with "we, us and ours"; and where possible, maintain and operate a joint bank account with the woman running it. Encourage things that bond you people and de-emphasis things that separates you like mine and yours. Above all, make sure you find out why you want to get married and to that particular person too. Lastly, tier up the three Cs of marriage - companionship, children and comfort and weigh how each matters to you in priority and then hedge your bet accordingly.

Trust comes with understanding someone, which vanishes doubts, leading to confidence building. Instead of personalizing things, bottling things up and keeping secrets, just try to share everything about you to your spouse. Liberalizing your union often helps in developing full acceptance of each other. Take the fear of your spouse out of the relationship and see yourself truly free to live thief you always wanted with nothing else to discover. Icheoku knows of this girl who shared her experience of being raped in a fraternity party to her spouse to be only to discover that it was the same man she had wedded that raped her. 

According to the story, the guy felt so guilty afterwards that he worked tirelessly to win the girls hand in marriage to atone for his sin of drunkenness. One other girl confessed to her would be husband that she has had several abortions to which the spouse responded not to worry, I have made so many girls commit abortions too. So why hide your past when it might be one uplifting disclosure with nothing more bottled inside of you to bother about. The rule of the thumb is that any man or woman who loves you will not stop loving you simply because of some youthful indiscretion in your past. Most reasonable people will rather focus on the future than than dwell on the past when they were not in the picture. Just learn to be an open book and all the kinks will work themselves out, towards ensuring an enduring relationship.

Respect - As a cardinal rule, the Golden Rule 'do unto others as you would done unto you', still works magic with every relationship including marriage. Do not dish out to your spouse what you will not take, period. Before you do anything to or against your spouse, ask yourself if it is done to you, will you take and accept it? If spouses respect each other, they will not do behind each other what they would not do in front of each other. Therefore, no respectful spouse for example ever cheats on a spouse, as such depravity is the lowest of the low points in any marital relationships. It also says a lot about the complete disregard of that victim-spouse by the cheating spouse and no reason or excuse will justify such betrayal. To many strong self-assured personalities, such indiscretion always sings the requiem of such union, as there is nothing there to treasure any more, except if filthiness is anyone's high. 

Communication - Regrettably not many married couples find the time to have one on one or even interesting subject matters to talk about.  As a result, boredom creeps in and there is nothing to keep their marriage fun and exciting. This is an aberration because if you do not trust your spouse enough to make him or her your confidant and best friend, who else? If there is something bothering a spouse or there are some concerns and he or she cannot freely divulge them to the other spouse, what kind of a relationship is that anyway? Even the law recognizes the supreme nature of this relationship that it classed spousal and marital communications as a protected privilege under the law of evidential disclosure. If there is anybody to tell your worst secrets, including crimes you committed in your past, your spouse is that person as he or she cannot use it against you. 

Communication solves many marital problems and it helps to easily and permanently check sources of fear and irritation; except of course where one of the spouse is done and wants out. When you have issues to work out in any relationship, communication is the key. The reason why many marriages fail is because couples choose to ignore one another or refuse to talk things over or rather wave aside or gloss over their spouses' complaints, issues and concerns. Tone-deafness to spouses' concerns and complaints is one sure bet of alienating a spouse and eventually your marriage altogether. So learn to share your soul's burdens and delights with your better half and even if he or she ridicules you, persist until he or she learns to be reasonable. As always, it is also important to know that it is only a fine thin line that separates silliness, stubbornness and stupidity; and a wise spouse will always know when to halt and make rapprochement. 

The magic three letters "I am sorry" also provides some booster tonic to marriages; so know when to back-down, apologize and make over. No spouse likes being the permanent underdog in a relationship so learn how to periodically pick up the sock. Like the dog said, "if I fall for you and you fall for me, that's playing; but if it is me falling all the time, then it is fight and I have to fight back." Saying sorry or apologizing for something never diminishes anyone, rather it shows that stooping down for a dwarf did not make that one any less taller. It is magnanimous; it is being bigger and larger than life, to humble oneself to apologize for a mistake or complaint in the interest of peace, regardless. 

Icheoku says if only marital vows mean anything to spouses making them or who made them; and they actually indeed became one with the tying of the knot, it should not matter who owns what or who does what or who brings what to the union? But unfortunately, like with every ceremony, once the vows are exchanged, many spouses withdraw to their default positions and dig into their respective ownerships interests, hence begins the war of the worlds of marriage. Such oddities set in including "I did this, you have to do that." "I own this, that belongs to you". This is mine and not yours," etc. If only we could learn to continue doing all those things which come naturally to us and which we were used to doing before the union and let guilty conscience move the other party to render help. That will be one sure way too of working it to make it work.

Then be seized of what is important to you in the marriage in their order of hierarchy. Is it comfort, children or companionship? These are self explanatory as comfort suggests things money can buy; children are seeds of the womb or by adoption or foster; and companionship connotes having a friendship with your spouse. Many people are married to strangers and are very lonely in their marriages. Icheoku is not saying to dispense of any of the other   indicators of a good marriage, but that you should place them in a scale of preference for you. Few are lucky to ever get three of them present in their marriage; but while you can manage without two of them, one of them, companionship, is totally indispensable in any good marriage. 

Many people often prioritize their children, but this is where they get it all wrong because those children were not there at the inception and will likely not be there at the conclusion of the marriage. They are mere visitors to the union and would someday move out and move on with their own lives. Before their arrival, you had the companionship of each other and long after they move away, you will or ought to maintain the same companionship of each other. This is the reason to find a good companion while taking a spouse. Therefore, your ever faithful spouse must not and should never be relegated to the background or be displaced in your heart by those strangers, no matter what. The children should be accommodated but never allowed to displace a spouse. In short there is no marriage or there should be no marriage devoid of good companionship, period.

No party to a marriage is exclusively ever entitled to anything as of right and to the detriment of the other party. Both are co-equals who should continually strive to work the marriage in order to make it work for them. They should continue pleasing each other without ceasing. Marriage is a what is good for the goose being also good for the gander situation. A give and take situation, so only give what you will like to receive in return and if you cannot take it, please don't dish it out to the other party. Like the bible tells us, a husband should look after his wife as a treasure from heaven; and a wife should please and appreciate her husband mightily in order for them to live happily ever after. The principle of contract of "nemo dat non quod habet" do somehow also apply to marital relationship. No party to a marriage can give happiness to the other party, if that party does not have happiness or is not happy himself or herself. In the same vein, no one party to a marriage can give a loving attention and affection to the other if he or she is not similarly so loved in reciprocity. 

Finally always bear in mind what Redeemer's Overseer Enoch Adeboye, in his "Mathematics of Marriage" sermon, once said, "Above all, each spouse must have a reasonable expectation of the other spouse because none of them is an angel nor a super-human and are limited as to what they can do." Now you know, so ask yourself have you done all that is possible within your ability to make your marriage work? Are there things you could have done or done better to improve the odds? Finally ask yourself if you still want to sustain the marriage or is it mentally over for you? Are there the "but-for" things that are holding you down in the marriage, without which you would have long since been gone? Can you go with them or can you afford to dump them or juggle them along with your departure? Depending on your answer, then decide whether to work it or abandon it; but always remember that only the living enjoys anything including a happy marriage. You have only one opportunity at life and life is to be lived, so live it.