BEING NICE TO OTHER PEOPLE'S SPOUSE, A FACE OF JANUS?

Icheoku says something has always bothered Icheoku and to somewhat freaking point. The niceties which spouses extend to other people's spouses - may be their boss, their pastor, their friend's spouse or even their relatives spouses; but at the same time disrespectfully treating their own mates - either their husbands or their wives? Icheoku is at a loss because most of these spouse-hating spouses put the very best face of joviality outside their homes, sulking up to other people outside their matrimonial home as the best thing to ever happen to mankind. But in their home, they are entirely a different thing - having converted it into a living hell on earth for their unfortunate spouse. 

Icheoku does not understand why these pretentious spouses would rather be pleasant to other people's spouse and not to their own very spouse. Or tell or pretend to outsiders that they have very weak heart of human kindness but are ruthlessly heartless when it comes to their spouse. For instance, why would a woman, another man's wife, be so nice and respectful to her boss, who happens to be a man and who has a wife like her at his own home, while showing the worst disrespect to her own husband? By the same token, why do some men play Mr Nice Guy to their female boss, who happen to be someone's else wife, while they have made their homes an unlivable dungeon for their own wife? Some very weak men and women who keep girlfriends and boyfriends outside their homes, often play the dream guy or gal to be with whenever they are with their girl/boyfriends, but to their wife and mother or husband and father of their children, they morph into the worst vampire to ever walk the face of this earth. 

Icheoku does not have answers to some of these marital problems induced questions, but it surprises Icheoku how human beings could consciously live this double life and be happy at ease with it. Sometimes this channeled affection to their pastors or their spiritual men of God, are taken advantage of and their weakness exploited to completely and totally take complete control of them. Some pastors have been known to dictate and tele-guide what goes on inside such peoples' homes. Some pastors are even known to  be instrumental to wrecking such homes; while some others go the extent of poaching such weak spouses for their own comfort. So how can any sane spouse think that a pastor or man of God or even their boss or minister is a better person to show affection to than the person they married? Except of course these folks do not place much value on what they have but would rather fish outside for that illusive worthy and better person than the spouse they have.

William Shakespeare in 'Troy and Cressida' warned that everything's worth is as valued. If you see and treat your spouse as a prince and/or a princess, he or she will automatically transform into that and before your own very eyes. Conversely, if you never see anything good in your spouse, continuously disparaging him or her as a good for nothing lout, he or she will not get better and you might succeed in turning them into an actual lout. There is power in motivation and with enough love, you can transform a nobody into a somebody; but you have to first will it to see it through. If only these marital infidels can learn how to see their dream spouse in the one they are with and learn to love them like a fat kid loves ice-cream, there will be peace on earth and marriages will become more attractive. 

But no, instead they would rather channel all their obsession to a third party, who might not even be aware or interested in them. Instead of striving to help their relationship heal and sizzle, some would rather skew things further in order to widen the chasm between themselves. Icheoku says rule of the thumb number one, no one can ever love you more than the man or woman who agreed to take a chance at life with you. He or she had choices and among the billions of human beings on earth, settled for you and so at least you owe him or her the benefit of some effort to make it work. So regardless of life's waviness, instead of giving up on your spouse and looking for affection where it might not be outside your home, learn to discuss your problems and resolve them; work on the things that need to be worked on and generally improve on your relationship habits and see yourself happier.

The irony of life is that like the lizard said, everybody has some bellyache; so do not always think and believe that the grass is greener elsewhere because that person you think has it all might be sweating heavily underneath the facade of hunky-dory. So learn today to stop outsourcing your marital problems, running to your pastor or boss or friend or family for solution. Learn to see them as your private problem and devise wholesome solution that will deal with them decisively; and in a matured way as only a loving spouse who wants the best out of a relationship, would. Learn to trust no one to make your relationship work and confide in no one about your relationship challenges. Frequently communicate with each other and have arising issues resolved immediately without unnecessary holding out. So resolve today to start seeing your spouse as the best spouse there is and that no other person's spouse is better nor deserving of more respect that your spouse and see yourself have a nicer life that sizzles.