UNDERSTANDING WOMEN, ANY APP FOR THAT?

Icheoku was at an event some weeks ago and had a chat with a midlife crisis-laden lady who told of her recent divorce. According to her, she just ended her marriage after seventeen long years and "my four boys to show for it." Icheoku interjected to know why she ended the marriage after such a long invested time and love? She answered 'irreconcilable differences' did us in. Icheoku then asked what was the nature of the irreconcilable differences? She retorted that "He is Filipino and am Mexican". Icheoku then followed the questioning up with "but he was and always has been a Filipino before you met and married him?" She responded 'I just woke up to the fact and I can't do it, not anymore; am done and that is what matters most.' 

Icheoku prodded her still further to know if she is dating again and she replied, nope. Icheoku asks why not and she said because all men are the same. Icheoku baited her further by asking if she has ever considered dating women since "all men are the same? That should just switch to a lesbian and start dating females for a change?" She said nope, that she likes the real thing; she likes men EXCEPT that men suck and she does not want to keep them anymore. Icheoku pushed further to know how she now gets her groove on and she said she just makes her self flirtatiously available either at a bar or the office or even at the mall and one stupid dog would coming running, tail wagging and the rest as they say is better left to the imagination for completion. Icheoku says this is atypical of a case of 'want them but don't want them' and you wonder who is in denial here? 

Icheoku then remembered the song of Fela Anikulapo Kuti "Dead body get accident, yee kpaa; na double wahalah for dead body and the owner of the dead body!' So Icheoku asks, is it the way they are made or were they purposely put here just to keep men rattled, unsettled and perpetually on their toes and not to have the peace of mind to think out how to live forever? Or is it a case of when a woman is fed up and any reason, whether imaginary, hallucinatory and/or fantastic becomes good enough? Here is a woman who met and married a guy and for seventeen long years ONLY to wake up one day and discovered that she shouldn't have married a man from the guy's country and ended the marriage pronto? Icheoku asks whether she was hypnotized by him or he had a spell cast over her that made her hopelessly out of her senses and for seventeen "agonizing" years not to know she was married to a Filipino? 

A philosopher once said that whenever a woman is tired of a man, she can walk away for reasons going from the most frivolous to the utterly mundane; and that there is no point gained in trying to make sense out of some of their actions most of the times? 

Icheoku says I don't know about you but it does appear that 'some' of these daughters of Eve are indeed CRAZY and in certain cases, horn-mad crazy too. Woman are crazy and they themselves know it, the reason they think men are stupid for putting up with them? They can hardly put up with each other because of their craziness and will readily tear themselves apart if left unchecked. It is in their nature, they are wild and certainly belong to a different environment where the the wild things live; but it is men's burden to tolerate them, admitted they do so with utmost reluctance. Imagine ending a seventeen year marriage because your husband is from a country you don't like or you no longer like? Icheoku is not a chauvinist, far be that; but certain things sometimes make Icheoku wish that a very big chasm existed between planet women and planet men? That they literally live in Venus while men live on Mars; and that the two will always go to a great length in trying to visit, see and be with each other and for a very limited time - the duration of their visiting visas or passes? In that way, both would be forced to place proper value on what they have, passionately enjoy it while it lasted, instead of just walking away because another 'lap dog' is wagging its tail down the corner in the neighborhood? 

But hey, is there anybody out there who understands WOMEN, please the world of men could use some advise! Icheoku was getting nearly exasperated trying to rationalize the sack of rock offloaded on the people gathered at this fora by this woman when suddenly Jack Nicholson's line in "As Good As It Gets" came rushing to mind. According to JN, on how he successfully relates to issues of women being such a chronic bachelor, he said, 'just take away rationality and taking responsibility for one's action and you have a woman!' On this note, Icheoku rests; but laments that this age-long problem of men trying to understand women might remain with mankind, an intractable problem, until the end of time. Under the circumstance, Icheoku asks is trying still an option or should men just follow the advise of one other philosopher who admonished that 'all of them will give you shit, just find the one whose shit you can tolerate and deal with it? I am Icheoku and like most men, am scared-stiff paralyzed; please call the doctor!