Icheoku says any one who has ever had the confidences of a disaffected married women, will vouch that they are always complaining that their husbands no longer give them reason to still look up to them to provide the leadership role in the house and family. They usually lament that their husbands are no longer assertive, no longer show direction and too often concedes arguments and decision-making to them; instead of putting their feet down, which ironically, actually makes them feel that they have someone of authority in the house. So they begin to wonder to what use then is still having them sticking around the house when they are no longer motivated by them. This leads to relationship spiraling down and out of control, and eventually to break ups and divorces. Their argument is that women generally need to be given a reason to believe in a man and then follow his direction and leadership; otherwise they will bolt away because they cherish their independence a lot. Women need more than the penile appendage and money in a man; they need to be motivated and given a reason to believe in him.
So to all those men out there, whining and whimpering about their lost mojo or its threatened loss, you just have to man up and firmly reassert yourself. Change your viewing lens and starts seeing your women as children and then that way, you will be enjoy a better relationship with them. To children, you have to be firm, love them, pamper them, provide them their needs only, but certainly not all their wants. You must also know when to say no and mean it. You must also have clearly delineated 'do not cross' red lines, that is well spelt out; and unlike President Obama did with Syria's Bashir Assad, be prepared to mete out consequences if crossed. If you have to be mad, please be mad; if you have to raise your voice, please do; if you have to take a walk, please make it extended; and if you have to embark on a strike, make it count. They are testing your resolve and they will like you more when they know that you have a core. Some women will actually tell you that they like it when their husbands makes them feel like they are indeed women; as it makes them feel they have somebody in authority in the house. They always need a father-figure around and usually long to find such in their husbands and would readily rebel if it is none existent.
So short of physical and mental abuse, learn to periodically shake things up a little, especially when called for and never be afraid of her threats to end the relationship. They are most times bluffing and waiting to see how much they can run rings around you before coming around to love you for being the man they desire and deserve. Just know that chivalry is not dead and provided you give your love without reservation, provide their needs, do not bother if they throw tantrums because that new set of jewelry was not purchased nor approved on the back of an austere family's budget. Icheoku says it is about time men become men again and let their wives find reason to want to be with them; otherwise they will become needless boredom that their wives cannot wait to offload at the slightest opportune time.
It is much easier in the Diaspora where society does not frown at women dumping their husbands. It is happening with great frequency among Nigerian communities too, which goes to show that many domiciled Nigeria women would readily offload their husbands, if not for a society that is so hampering that would frown at that. Therefore, for any relationship to have a chance at succeeding, the man must man up and be a man of the house right from the onset. There is no cooling off or waiting time period to lay the ground rules because with women, whatever is conceded can never be reclaimed. Moreso a firm respectful male leadership is always the cornerstone of every good relationship. Now you know why your relationship is not as good as that your neighbors or friends, so show the light, the right leadership and they will follow you without question.