We should reckon that times are changing rapidly and our single men must reassess their marital plans with respect to these changing times. In some cases, the women brought from home have proven beyond reasonable doubt to be even more materialistic, more morally bankrupt, more sordid and less submissive than the single Nigerian women in the US. The latter having lived, schooled and worked in the US often have far more realistic expectations of their men than those from home who are taken in by the splendor of their new environs. The Nigerian society of our fathers and mothers is but an illusion in the present day and the single men must be aware of this fact before they pack their bags and head home in search of their 'Virgin Mary'. Some of these women once they arrive in the US proceed immediately to torment their husbands [or as they say in Nigeria - show him pepper] seeing that he no longer has a choice in the matter. Some remain patient until that all-important document is in hand and then proceed to leave their husbands for another gentleman, in most cases, younger and richer.
One of the fellows in my community who brought his wife from home has since confessed to me [and whoever would listen] that he made a grave mistake. He now agrees that he should have married his beautiful Nigerian girlfriend in the US who he exchanged for his wife at the behest of his family. With every phone call, they impressed upon him that the single Nigerian women in the US, and particularly, the one he was dating seriously at the time, were not good enough for him. They opposed the relationship primarily because she was from another state. His mother advised him that he must marry a girl from his area that they can vouch for in terms of her family history, background, education and sexual history. But how can they verify her sexual history? Will they go chasing all her ex-boyfriends in search of information about her sexual escapades, performance or lack thereof? Will they go to the university and asked each guy if he has bedded her or know of anyone who has or how many lecturers she had slept with for marks? How? In any case, at the end of the day, his mother prevailed [they always do] and this gentleman returned home to marry this highly recommended lady of supposed impeccable moral standing. But he and the rest of the community soon came to find out that there was nothing impeccable about her moral standing as she has been the biggest flirt in town since she made it down from Nigeria. You see, this lady, only in her mid twenties, is blessed with an impressive 'Dolly Patton' type chest and that has been both a source of imaginable pleasure to her husband as well as the source of ample disappointment and anguish to the poor guy, given that other men, quite regrettably, are also vested in that "source". Seemingly, with her beauty that makes the likes of Tara Banks jealous, some single Nigerian men [I bet some married ones too] in and around this community suddenly developed a keen interest in the work schedule of her husband in order to take advantage of his absence. As it is now, the couple has since separated only after three years of matrimony.
This is a very sad commentary, but so many other similar occurrences abound in this land and these calls for a critical assessment of the situation by these Nigerian single men before they take that marital plunge back home in Nigeria. With our society laced with the penchant for self-aggrandizement and immediate gratification, our single men can no longer take the recommendations of their friends and family at face value. They ought to probe further and take the time to truly souse themselves in the relevant details of the lady they intend to marry and bring to the US. If the truth be told, in some cases, some of these men would be better off if they settled for a single Nigerian lady already in the US. All things considered, it's cheaper, involves little or no immigration hassle as they are already in the country and provides the opportunity for the couple to at least know each other through on hands dating before taking that nuptial plunge. Most importantly, this eliminates the "US" factor as the man is assured that the lady's interest in him is not as a result of her desire of a better life in the US. But regrettably, some of our men are now learning the hard way that the “Ngozi” or “Ronke” or “Amina” that was fetched from the village at the recommendation of their parents and relatives only used them to gain entrance into the US. How would a man who spends 99.9 percent of his time in faraway America ascertain that such a “wife to be” is for real? How would a man know that Ronke isn't using him as a means to come to America and better her own life and finally possibly hook up with that ex-boyfriend of hers elsewhere whom she never really got over with emotionally or perhaps tell the man off as not being her type!? Some of our young and single ladies in Nigeria are very desperate to get out of that country. I hear it all the time when I go home for a visit. They come on to any Nigerian man who visits home regardless of his marital status or age or looks and some of them even camp out at the airport in the hopes of attracting the eye of any US arrived! Even some Nigerian men who are married to Americans and other non-Nigerians who go home for a visit are sometimes told to drop their foreign wives for a "real home gal". They call these men "Hamburger Nigerians" because of the mistaken belief that their white women cook for them only hamburgers and not "amala" or "egusi" soup. But this couldn't be true, because I know of a Nigerian lawyer in Baltimore who married a white woman who cooks Nigerian cuisines better than some so called home gals. Some of these gals would say "yes" to any man who comes from the US to seek their hand in marriage regardless of his caliber, level of education, looks, character and what have you. The question most of them ask is not "What kind of man is he", but rather, "Will he take me to America?" Their motivation has nothing to do with love but is rather self-serving as a means to just get out from Nigeria.
That leads me to the question - how about the single Naija ladies in the US, who will marry them? Who will marry them if most of the Nigerian bachelors in the US are returning home to their villages in Nigeria to bring their brides? Who will marry Bola in Los Angeles? Who will marry Adaobi in Chicago? Who will marry Aisha in New York City? Who will marry Eno in Oakland? And the same story is true of single Nigeria girls in every State and City in America hoping and praying for that Naija man to find her in his radar. It's about time some of these 'home-going' men took a good look at the available Nigerian ladies in the US; they might be surprised at what they find. This is not to aver that there are no disingenuous, creepy, conniving and mischievous ones amongst this group in the US. There are, but some are still responsible professionals who contrary to popular belief haven't exchanged their fine cultural upbringing for the flimsy and casual ways of the West. They are everywhere in the US, in every shade, shape and size. The choice is infinite. But some, admittedly, are snubs, with an inflated sense of self and worth. One can usually recognize these types. When they walk into a party, they behave like they own the place; their shoulders are higher than the ceiling. Even before taking a good look at the men at the party, they would conclude that they aren't good enough for them. When you ask them politely for a dance, they would behave like you just asked for their hand in marriage. They would give you the famous 'Nigerian woman's' look and would hiss louder than a governor's siren, measuring you up and down with their eyes even before you blink.
On account of the seeming lack of interest by some single Nigerian men in the US, some of our women have given up and have forayed into the path of men from other countries and races including Whitemen, Asians, Jewish, Arabs, Jamaicans, Pakistanians, Indians, Bangladesh, Latin men and some are even tangling with Chinese men - the 'Lo mien' Naijas. One of my Naija lady friend has since pitched her tent with white men. She said she once dated Nigerian men and found them to be chauvinistic and inconsiderate - a broad brush. She claims that she cannot find a Nigerian man who can tolerate her strong and forward personality. Most Nigerian men, according to her, want "yes" women - women who will cloth and bath them, cook and clean for them and still be available to offer a plethora of sexual pleasure whenever. She stated that she gave Nigerian men a chance, but they "blew it" [her words] because they were either too possessive, demanding or simply oblivious on the fine art of how to treat a woman with respect, care and love. Even little things like sending flowers on birthdays and other memorable occasions and being romantic are lost on some Nigerian men, she contends. But all of this could not be true of all Nigerian men, is it?
Evidently, there are so many young and single Nigerian women in the US who are waiting for that special Nigerian man to knock on their door. Some of them believe that the man for them is yet to be born - Good luck! Some might not wait too long before they try their luck with men of other races. For those Nigerian men who think that all the good Nigerian women are still in Nigeria and ignore the ones here, they must think again. The young women at home are no fools. They are savvy, informed, independent and in some cases even more knowledgeable than the ones in the US. Some of them are far wiser than the three wise men and it would be foolish for any man to think that in them he would find submission and acceptable morals simply because they were brought from home. Sometimes, the best things are next to us and we just don't realize that. This is in no way to aver that the women brought from home all have ill-intentions - not at all. There are many who are in very successful marriages. What I am asserting, however, is the simple fact that those men who state categorically that most of the single Naija women in the US have lost their cultural sprite because of the corruption of the American society should have a rethink.
EXCLUSION CLAUSE: - The above picture of a top Nigerian model used here is for illustration purposes only of how beautiful Nigerian girls are and not in any way suggestive that she is not a marriage type or that she is looking for a husband. Of her marital status, this blogger does not claim any knowledge whatsoever, thereto! This article was sent in by an anonymous contributor; it was however editorially retouched slightly with our target visitors in mind.