JONATHAN THROWN OUT OF OFFICE, NOW LEFT HOLDING THE PLATE?

Icheoku is just wondering whether it is not about time every defense of Jonathan and by everyone ended; so that Dr President Muhammadu Buhari can get hold of him and teach him some lesson on how not to play knee-jerk partisan politics; and/or accept defeat and concede an election without first abstracting water-tight binding concessions from the incoming president not to mess with his outgoing government. Icheoku has arrived at a conclusion that anyone continuing the present acceleration on Jonathan's defense-lane, should have a serious rethink. Defending Jonathan is increasingly becoming very difficult, a somewhat effort in futility and conscientiously too painful to carry on, especially with the latest disclosure that someone was paid over 900 million Naira by NIMASA for a non existent phony contract; and this Jonathan said there was no money to construct the second River Niger bridge? 

If he knew that the mess was this bad, why did he throw in the towel so easily and so quickly? Honestly, each time Icheoku sights this man of Otuoke, opening his mouth concerning the last election, were he a child, wishes that twelve lashes on his bare buttocks would be in order. Imagine the exposure which he has left so many of his faithfuls and is busy running around all over the place accepting useless awards at the expense of the protective shield of seat of power which he traded for nonsensical recognitions? Like a child, they are now giving him toys to distract him from the real deal which they snatched from him and which he so easily ponied up without even a single fight. Where does power ever yield so easily or was it not American President Jefferson who once boldly declared that the tree of democracy (liberty) must be watered from time to time with blood of citizens, both tyrants' and patriots'. Yet he told the world that he accepted defeat because he did not want to see Nigerians die defending his honor to a constitutionally provided second term in office. 

Icheoku says world recognitions and awards, my foot. Now the junta-like 'converted democrat's government have searched Jonathan's Vice President Namadi Sambo's office and are gradually inching their way towards their main target - the man of Otuoke. PMB and OBJ just met about twenty four hours ago to, as some would speculate, finalize their plans on how they will go about humiliating Jonathan; and when eventually those handcuffs are finally locked on his wrists, what a pitiful sight to behold it will be. Admitted that his governance was quite below par and that he lost the last election; but the fact that he conceded the election without proper consultations including securing guarantees that his behind as well as that of his disciples will be secured, left so much to be desired. The effect of that thoughtless act is manifesting itself n the very thick fog of uncertainty which has enveloped the land as well as all these other craps crawling all over the place. 

Icheoku says may be Jonathan should just please disappear and stay out of sight for now to allow people and Nigeria to heal. May be he should just go away somewhere for a fellowship in some university in Southern Australia or New South Wales or New Zealand or even Reykjavik, so that he can be momentarily forgotten now that the wounds he inflicted are still so fresh. It will do Nigerians a whole lot of good, especially psychologically, not to be bothered anymore with Jonathan or listen to what he has to say as no one is that really interested anymore in whatever he has to say regarding that election. Like many Nigerians, ICHEOKU often gets pissed off, thinking about all the things Jonathan could have done differently but which he sheepishly and naively failed to do right. Now look at where Nigeria is today; look at where Nigerians are today; look at where his party the PDP is today; look at where PDP members are today, especially those who worked their butts off fighting for his reelection. The people have found themselves being hounded all over the place like common curs and you wonder who brought about the fate upon them. It is simply painful and pathetic to say the least, that one man's indecisiveness and queasiness wrecked it for everyone.

'A CHILD IS BORN, THERE IS NO GOING BACK' - FATHER MBAKA.

Icheoku says if his activity is of God and from On High, he will prosper and thrive again, regardless of the remoteness of the new place of his posting. If he is under the anointing, no matter what his traducers may do to inhibit and stifle him, he shall overcome. So regardless of whatever undertone, that possibly founded his being posted outside his former parish, Icheoku says Father Mbaka shall rise again, provided of course, he is professing as empowered by the Holy Spirit. Gladly enough he has accepted his faith like Jesus did at Gethsemane and have proceeded to his new assigned parish. Whether or not his dwelling has been downgraded from a duplex to a one-room is irrelevant; because as a soldier of God, he is supposed to live a life of spartan and not comfort; and should never be found to have any strong attachment to earthly things. 

That being said, this is not suggesting in anyway that Icheoku is bought into all these spiritual activism which is saturating Nigeria including the Enugu Adoration Ministry now under focus. The mission here is to rejoinder the farewell speech given by Father Mbaka and respond to some of the issues raised with his sudden transfer out of his GRA Parish to the new Nike Parish. It is pertinent to point out that Father Mbaka  was merely transferred to where the headquarters of his adoration ministry is located; and not to some remote inaccessible nondescript place inside a jungle somewhere. Father Mbaka was transferred to his AMEN (Adoration Ministry Enugu Nigeria) headquarters situated at Umuchigbo Iji Nike Enugu. It is also important to note that the Catholic Church routinely transfers their reverend fathers from parish to parish every five years. Further, that Father Mbaka has remained in one parish for over twenty years'; thats more than four transfer cycles, without ever being transferred or going on any transfer whatsoever. 

The question therefore remains, why was he never transferred, why now and what suddenly changed to make his transfer become imperative? Is it as some school of thought are bandying about, a reiteration for his political activism, especially his prediction during the last Nigeria's presidential election that President Muhammadu Buhari will win the election. Where did the pressure to transfer him come from and if it was pressured, why did the church not transfer him to a very remote village very far from Enugu surrounding if indeed they want to punish him for falling outside the line. Icheoku may never know what other actual underlying reasons may be, except to accept that it was a routine transfer. A transfer which was probably worked out or understandably delayed during the reign of the former bishop until a new bishop came to enforce and apply the law on transfer of priests evenly and fairly.

Anyway, back to the farewell speech and matters arising therefrom. Icheoku says it is a misnomer sort of and self contradictory for Father Mbaka to say 'where will he keep these assets that he have given to the Catholic church of Enugu?' Icheoku says the concept of giving presupposes the desire to also part with possession of the gifted property forthwith. When you give something to somebody or an entity, you should and ought to part with possession thereof the gift simultaneously to effectively complete the gifting. Except if by his assertion, Father Mbaka is suggesting that the Catholic Church is a beneficiary of an executed Will wherein the transferred interest in those "Adoration Ministry's Assets given to the church' will only vest upon his demise? Otherwise why worry about where to keep the assets since the owners, the Catholic Church, should be left to worry about that. Better still, why not in the spirit of chastity, simply give those things away to people and charities that may find them useful; instead of hogging them around and worrying himself sick about where to keep them. As poor as the church mouse presupposes too that people in the service of God should not acquire material things or vest their minds in them. Father Mbaka could also have auctioned off those assets and  reinvested the proceeds in the propagation of the Adoration Ministry or just give them away; and that is problem solved.

The other issue that is worth responding to is the apparent untruth told by Father Mbaka when he claimed that 'he is going to suffer because he has no place to lay his head'. Moving from a duplex to a one-room accommodation is not the worst thing that can happen to any person including an evangelist of Christ, many of whom do not even have physical shelter in some remote places they go to spread the good news. So what if the new parish does not have all the comforts and niceties of his former parish; how would that inhibit his gospelling? Icheoku admonishes that routine downgrading is simply of fact of life and anyone complaining about suffering because he is moving from a duplex to a one-bedroom accommodation is simply a self-made victim of entitlement and high maintenance. Things happen and in life, situational changes do happen periodically. The better and proper approach is to accept same and move on. If Father Mbaka is complaining about reduced comfort level, may be; but to say that he has no place to lay his head is being economical with the truth which is meant to elicit needless sympathy and whip up sentiments. 

Father Mbaka is a soldier of God and in the battle field, soldiers only have their ponchos. So for Father Mbaka, any accommodation should be sufficient; provided he can do his necessaries - shit, shave, brush and bath; and of course close his eyes when sleep calls. A mansion will not a better priest make him and our Lord Jesus nor John the Baptist never lived in comfort, regardless. So as a man of God, he should make do with whatever is available in his new parish. What is important is the souls he wins for Jesus that will make heaven and not how big his place of abode is. Icheoku retorts that 'a-one small room that has only one small bed, one small table, little toilet and bathroom' is not a mega suffering by any standards. Father Mbaka does not have a wife or partner to share a bed with so why should he complain about the size of his bed being small? A toilet has only one function, to serve as a receptacle for a person's waste product, so how small can a toilet be that it will not be big enough for the anus to discharge its function, if one may ask?

Icheoku says it is also very arrogant of Father Mbaka to say that 'whoever that has offended him, he has forgiven', without also having the humility to ask those he possibly offended for same forgiveness.It is unthinkable and at best self idolization for someone, a mortal, to assume the position of infallibility and omni this and that to think that only he could be and was offended while disregarding the many if not millions he offended which possibly triggered the retaliatory eviction from his erstwhile parish. A more modest man would have said all those I offended, I ask for your forgiveness as I have forgive all those who possibly offended me. Even Jesus on the Cross did not arrogate to himself the power of forgiveness but said "Father, forgive them for they do not know what they did." He even went further by alleging that the devil made his transfer possible, claiming that it was a mistake to effect his transfer. Icheoku bemoans that this man failed or cleverly chose to forget that transfers among the catholic clergy is a routine which is exercised every five years. 

How he managed to survive and avoid being transferred for so long, close to twenty years, was a fact lost on his audience as he cleverly shielded how he pulled it off, except if it was through the usual Nigerian factor which bends the rule when convenient for some people and holds it highly when lesser mortals are involved. Who does he think he is that people or a person should cry for simply enforcing the law on transfer of priests. Better still, was Father Mbaka expecting to be treated differently and specially just because he is Father Mbaka and better than all of his colleagues in the priestly calling who are subjected to moving from one parish to another every five years. If the tables were to turn and another priest was so privileged of no transfer for twenty years, would a crusading Father Mbaka who hate injustice and who advocate for the oppressed have kept quiet and not raise a storm about the partiality? 

Icheoku says Father Mbaka somewhat got it right that his only possession and that which he should have is his bible and nothing more. But he was earlier complaining of having no where to store stuff which is irreconcilable with his later saying that he is moving out with only his bible? Icheoku says if anyone is politicizing the church, it is Father Mbaka who is needlessly making a mountain out of a mole hill by turning a routine priestly posting into a sympathy gravitating exercise. A man of God not peeved at the development would have quietly departed for his new posting without evoking all these emotional sentiments including claiming that the bishop was being fed falsely. Icheoku queries is this falsehood as to his being overdue for periodic transfer which every priest goes on or that he ought and should not be transferred because he is somehow so special to be above priestly rules? 

By saying that the bishop was being fed falsely, Father Mbaka is introducing another element and dimension to the matter as he implicitly accused diocesan staff of collusion and falsehood. As a true man of God, he should have simply accepted the transfer in good faith, with total obedience, as the will of God and without raising any dust about it. whatsoever. Icheoku says Father Mbaka may not be a recalcitrant priest but his actions thus far, including questioning the validity and appropriateness of his transfer, the first in twenty years, suggests otherwise. If his former parish was Egypt, why did Father Mbaka not complain as the ancient Israelites did? And if his new parish is the promised land, why is he complaining about moving there? 

The problem here is that Father Mbaka has personalized the ministry in himself and now sees the ministry as himself and vice versa.If the ministry is of and from God, with or without Mbaka it will go on and this is how ministries of God should be and behave. Just like the catholic church itself which has transcended through so many generations and continuing, simply because it was not personalized in Peter but the church which guarantees successors to Peter. Icheoku says it is rather regrettable that Father Mbaka tried to appraise what went into building his former parish as if it was by his power that they came to fruition; with the implication being that he somehow owns the parish? 

Icheoku asks what was Father Mbaka trying to achieve by stating "My own vineyard I keepeth not. All these while we have been keeping vine­yards, building for Christ. How many trailer loads of cement came here? All the monies I made from my cassette and other private crusades all of them were used to build this church. We cannot quantify it but let God be glorified." Honestly it befuddles the imagination, admitted that he seemed to later realize it by saying Amen to the will of God. 

Finally Father Mbaka should not regret anything but see his posting as the church carrying out its routine priestly transfer assignments. He will definitely triumph in his new place but should not hold his transfer against anyone or input some ill-motive to it. However, if he still feels strongly about it or that some people are out to get him, he can split out from the Catholic church and start his own church ministry; afterall the Anglican Church split from the Catholic Church due to Peter's pence so he can walk away not to be inhibited. But going this route might not be the best for a man who professes the Holy Spirit and the Eucharist. Icheoku therefore wishes Father Mbaka all the best and God's speed in his new parish and possibly God will use him to also redevelop the new parish and replicate there what he did with his former parish. In his own words, a child is born there is no going back, and so is Father Mbaka not going back to GRA but to Nike, where hopefully his wonder working will continue. And to all those who said religion is politics, including Fela Anikulapo Kuti (Religion na politics) Icheoku says who knows?

SAUDI ARABIA TAKES PROXY WAR WITH IRAN TO NIGERIA - KIT O'CONNELL.

On Dec. 12, Nigerian government forces carried out a brutal massacre against the country’s minority Muslim Shia population, with some media reporting over 1,000 killed, after the military imprisoned and tortured the group’s important dissident leader Sheikh Ibrahim Zakzaky.

The news of the slaughter of a minority religious group emerges as Nigeria announced it is considering joining Saudi Arabia in the fight against Daesh (the Arabic acronym for the group commonly known in the West as ISIS), linking two nations known for repression and repeated, disturbing human rights violations. Saudi Arabia, in turn, has a history of promoting the extremist religious ideology of Wahhabism that inspires terrorist groups like Nigeria’s own Boko Haram, the terrorist group that the country is still struggling to control, and even al-Qaida and Daesh.

And Zakzaky isn’t the only activist to face imprisonment in recent months — Nigeria has a reputation for quashing political dissent no matter where it’s source. However, the arrest and crackdown came just months after Muhammadu Buhari, a retired army general, successfully won election on a promise to restore order to the country.

While Zakzaky is known as an outspoken dissident in Nigeria, it’s unlikely that his words or deeds alone provoked the savage crackdown on his Islamic Movement. Instead, Eric Draitser, the editor of the independent media site Stopimperialism.org, told MintPress that Zakzaky is a pawn in a global imperialist conflict.

“Basically, I think that almost everyone has misread the Zakzaky massacre,” Draitser said. “Almost nobody who has written about the issue has placed it in the appropriate context. The context is not Nigeria. The context is a much broader global proxy war between Saudi Arabia and Qatar on the one hand, and Iran on the other hand.”

In this light, Draitser said, the arrest of Zakzaky has as much to do with the January 2 execution of Sheikh Nimr al-Nimr, a Shiite cleric from Saudi Arabia, as it does with local politics in Nigeria. Instead, it’s part of the Saudi’s attempt to destabilize and provoke the Iranians around the globe.

 The Islamic Revolution in Iran that ousted U.S. and British forces was bolstered by the belief that third world dependence on the West was an intrinsic result of neocolonialism and monopoly capitalism, with the only remedy being “working class internationalism.” Inspired by Iran’s success, Zakzaky founded Nigeria’s Islamic Movement in 1979 and began spreading his flavor of Shia Islam in the country. About 45 percent of Nigerians are Muslim, and, prior to the rise of the Islamic Movement, they were almost entirely Sunni. Shia remain a small but significant minority of the country’s population.

Bat-el Ohayon, founder of sub-Sahara African consultancy Afrique Consulting Group, told Newsweek’s Conor Gaffey that “Shiite Muslims are generally well-integrated in Nigeria and do not suffer direct discrimination or persecution,” but that “there is specific and isolated conflict” with Zakzaky’s Islamic Movement, which is largely centered in Zaria, a major city in the northern part of Nigeria.The conflict between Zakzaky’s movement and Nigerian leadership comes not from any doctrinal differences between Sunni and Shia, and not simply because the leader of Nigeria’s Shiite minority is unapologetic in his support for universal human rights and in his opposition to Nigeria’s alliances with Israel and Saudi Arabia. In July 2014, 34 protesters were killed by Nigerian forces while celebrating Quds Day in Zaria, including three of Zakzaky’s sons. Quds Day, or “land day,” is an annual holiday honoring the struggle of Palestinians against Israeli apartheid. 

But these positions alone would have been unlikely to provoke such a controversial attack during the early days of Buhhari’s presidency. As Draitser pointed out, it’s Zakzaky’s ties to Iran that most likely provoked the arrest and attacks:

“There are many sources, including U.S. counterterrorism sources, sources from the Middle East and all around the world that have painted Zakzaky as a proxy of the Iranians. Zakzaky and his family have made many trips to Iran that have been subsidized by the state. And as a general rule, this is even understood by those who are Shia and in support of Iran, basically, Iran bankrolls all these movements. And there’s no doubt that Iran has been bankrolling the Islamic Movement in Nigeria.”

“So then the question becomes,” Draitser continued, “why would Zakzaky and his followers be targeted by the Nigerian military? For what possible reason?”

Draitser explained:

“As Saudi Arabia and Qatar have seen their position slipping in Syria, with Iranian engagement in that war on the side of the Syrian-Arab army, on the side of Russia and so forth, they have now counter-moved against Iranian interests in other parts of the world. 

That is where the Zakzaky massacre falls into place. That is where the execution of Nimr al-Nimr and the other Shia followers of his falls into place. This is part of a global push by the Saudis and the Qataris to push back against what they perceive to be Iranian proxies and Iranian influence.”

Draitser added that the Saudis also blame the Iranians for the Houthi takeover of Yemen, and the Saudis subsequent involvement in a bloody conflict there. Meanwhile, he argued that the Saudis and Qataris have also been strengthening their power throughout Africa through the support of Wahhabi Islam-inspired terrorist groups like Boko Haram and al-Qaida in the Islamic Maghreb.

“My theory,” Draitser suggested, “is that the Saudis and/or the Qataris made a significant payment to a high-ranking Nigerian military official, perhaps even the general in charge, to wipe out Zakzaky and his movement as a message to the Iranians. I think that is the only explanation of why the Nigerian military would do this when you consider that they’re actually focused on Boko Haram, the inverse of the Islamic Movement.”

In a December interview with PressTV, Ibrahim Musa, spokesman for the Islamic Movement of Nigeria, echoed Draitser’s suspicions:

“So possibly, this government has decided it will finish what [former President Goodluck] Jonathan had started. We believe it is a conspiracy between the Wahhabi, the Israelis and their American surrogates.”

Nigeria is ‘Israel’s biggest ally’

Since the late 20th-century, the Nigerian government has maintained close strategic and economic ties with Israel, a major U.S. and Saudi ally.  A Sept. 2014 report from Arutz Sheva, a right-wing, Zionist news source from Israel, called Nigeria “Israel’s biggest ally.”

Arutz Sheva reporter Jonny Paul added, “Between 2012 and 2013, Nigeria’s exports to Israel rose from $165m to $276m.” 50 Israeli corporations have built branches in Israel, and over 5,000 Nigerian corporations operate in Israel.

In September 2015, a stampede in Mecca killed over 700 and injured 800 during the annual pilgrimage. While the Saudi government tried to blame unsafe behavior by the pilgrims, according to Nigeria’s The Daily Trust, Zakzaky retorted, “For the government of Saudi Arabia to blame pilgrims for killing themselves is ridiculous and a form of human degradation, which is also criminal. They are saying this in order to cover up the real cause of the tragedy.” He put the blame instead on the Saudi royal family, who were visiting the site during the deadly incident: “According to him, the Al-Saud prince whose convoy caused the tragedy and all those [complicit] in the crime should be punished by death, as they caused the death of thousands of innocent pilgrims.”

The Daily Trust quoted Zakzaky as blaming Saudi leadership for not just the disaster at Mecca, but suffering throughout the Middle East as well. “The Saudi authorities cannot fool the world or exonerate itself from the heinous crime and monumental tragedy, as the world knows who is killing their brethren in Yemen, Bahrain, Iraq and Syria,” he told the paper.

Zakzaky’s arrest, then, comes as Nigeria is in the process of deepening its diplomatic ties to Saudi Arabia, including potentially joining Saudi Arabia in its widely publicized “anti-terrorism” alliance. “Nigeria has been formally invited to be a member of the alliance and President Buhari is looking into it,” government spokesman Garuba Shehu told Reuters on Dec. 17.

Many critics have met the announcement of the Saudi-led anti-terrorism alliance with skepticism, and suggested that it’s merely another front for spreading Wahhabism, the extremist political ideology that has widespread support in Saudi Arabia, but also inspires terrorist groups from al-Qaida to Daesh to Boko Haram. In December, New Eastern Outlook also joined Zakzaky and numerous others in attacking Saudi support for terrorism:

“In reality, decades of documented evidence reveal that the Saudis are the primary conduit through which Western cash, weapons, support, and directives flow into mercenary armies of extremists, indoctrinated by Saudi Wahhabism – a politically-motivated perversion of Islam – and sent to execute joint Western-Saudi  geopolitical ambitions in the Middle East and North Africa (MENA) region and beyond.”

Shockingly, an army spokesman tried to defend the brutal crackdown on Zakzaky and his followers by citing years of largely peaceful civil disobedience by the group. Col. Sani Usman, a spokesman for the Nigerian army, told The Guardian on Dec. 16 that there had been “loss of lives as a result of the Shia group members blocking roads and not allowing other passersby to go about their lawful businesses and activities” and added:

“It is important to note that over the years this group has subjected ordinary citizens using public roads to untold hardship, delays, threats and disruption simply because they insist on using public space irrespective of inconvenience and hardship on other law abiding citizens and motorists. This cannot be tolerated and must stop.”

Civil disobedience, widely regarded as a human right in the face of intolerable conditions, cannot justify the army’s vicious crackdown, which claimed the lives of Aliy, another of of Zakzaky’s sons, along with hundreds of others.

Zakzaky and his wife Zeenat went missing for days before Nigerian police admitted in late December that they had him in custody, and that he was undergoing medical treatment for injuries sustained during his violent arrest. However, citing ongoing investigations into Zakzaky’s activities and what he called “orders from above,” the inspector general of the Nigerian police reportedly refused to grant access to any of his supporters. While Zakzaky’s supporters continue to insist they’ve been peaceful, the Nigerian army has attempted to implicate the group in an assassination attempt on the army’s chief of staff in Zaria.

Zakzaky’s Islamic Movement continue to protest for their rights and for their leader. A group of women from the movement marched on January 6to demand the release of Zakzaky and other arrested Shiite Muslims, according to Africa News:

“The women mostly in black attire marched to the offices of the Nigeria Union of Journalists (NUJ) Secretariat, in Kaduna holding different placards and asking for the release of the leader and other members of the sect.”

Hajiya Aisha Hassan, secretary of the Shiite Women’s Wing, told the assembled journalists that the government must acknowledge the massacre “by paying Diyya, (Death Compensation) to all affected families and relations,” and added:

“We call for immediate and unconditional release of our revered leader his Eminence Sheikh El-Zakzaky and his wife.”

The U.S. State Department has joined human rights advocates in calling for an investigation of the massacre, but Nigeria seems unlikely to act fast enough. And Zakzaky’s arrest comes amid a widespread crackdown on dissident voices in Nigeria. Police continue to hold Nnami Kanu, leader of the Biafran separatist group in custody and on Dec. 18, Nigerian forces also shot and killed five of his supporters during a rally for the leader. Sambo Dasuki, a former Nigerian security chief, is also under arrest, allegedly for embezzling billions from the fund set aside to fight Boko Haram.

On Jan. 2, Femi Fani-Kayode, a former Nigerian culture minister, took to Twitter to warn that the mistreatment of these Zakzaky and these other prisoners threatened to destabilize the country according to another report from Newsweek: 

And America too, is complicit in these attacks, according to Draitser. “The instability in Nigeria is, to a large extent, being fomented by the United States because the United States views Nigeria as a proxy and an ally that is shaky at best. Remember, that Nigeria has made major overtures with China in the couple of last years.”

In September, Taylor Butch, writing for International Policy Digest, wrote that Nigeria was China’s “New BFF.”

“Bilateral trade levels between China and Nigeria have exponentially increased since the two countries established strategic relations ten years ago,” he added.

With Nigeria, and its oil riches, in play between the more powerful nations of Saudi Arabia and Iran, and the United States and China, the suffering of its people seems likely to continue for some time.

“I think it’s quite likely that what we’re seeing is an attempt by the U.S. to prevent a realignment of Nigeria,” Draitser concluded.

DESTROYING YOUR MARRIAGE, THE EASY WAY - KATELYN CARMEN

• 

  When I got married, I was amazed at the instant, overwhelming sense of responsibility I felt to love and care for my husband. Suddenly, a huge part of someone else's well-being and happiness was largely affected by my choices and actions.
  Women, we need to be careful about how we are caring for our husbands and marriages. Don't let the small stuff ruin the things that will bring you the greatest happiness in life.
  Here are just a few ways you might be unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage (as a caveat, please understand that although this article is directed toward women, it applies to men as well):

• 1. Living outside of what you can afford

  A wise old woman from my church congregation once advised: "The best thing you can do as a wife is to live within your husband's means."
  Wives, show sincere appreciation and respect to your husband by carefully following a budget and making the most of what you have. Be wise about your finances.
  Constantly complaining about not having enough to fulfill your lavish desires or racking up astronomical amounts of debt on your credit card is a poor way of saying "thank you" to a faithful spouse who works hard every day to provide for the family.
  Yes, you may not have enough to buy that Kate Spade bag you've had your eyes on for months, but your husband will love and appreciate the fact that you honor him and are grateful for what he provides.

• 2. Constant negativity

  You hate your hair, the messes around the house, the neighbor across the street, your dumb co-worker, the old dishwasher, and everything in between. As soon as your husband walks through the door, you launch into action and dump every negative and angry thought that's crossed your mind throughout the day.
  Can you imagine having to carry that burden? Negativity is draining. Men like to fix things, and constantly being hounded with complaints makes it difficult for him to help solve your pains.
  If there is one thing I've learned from marriage is that a good man wants you to be happy, and if he can't help you do that, it makes him unhappy. It's okay to have a bad day once in a while, that's totally understandable, but don't make it a way of life.

• 3. Putting everything else first

  When your children, mom, best friends, talents, or career in front of your husband, you send a clear message to him that he is unimportant. Imagine having that message sent to you every day for many years. What would that do to your self esteem?
  Put your husband first.
  Although it sometimes seems counter-intuitive and counterproductive, I think you'd be amazed to find that it's often the key to the greatest happiness in marriage. So many couples get divorced these days, because they neglect to care and love one another and put each other first.
  If you choose to put each other first, you will find a lot of joy.

• 4. Withholding physical affection

  Men crave and need physical affection with their wives. When you constantly decline intimacy, it wears on them.
  Sex should not be used as a tool to control your spouse; it should be viewed as a sacred tool to draw you closer to one another and to God.
  It is a great blessing to be wanted and needed by a loving, romantic husband who wants to share something so beautiful and important with you -- and you only. Even though you might not always be in the mood, it's worth it to give in (when you can) and spend that time bonding.

• 5. Not speaking his language

  Women love to drop hints. (I think it's part of our DNA.) But men just don't get them. (I think that is a part of their DNA.)
  Don't waste your time giving subtle hints that he won't understand: Speak plainly to him. Be honest about your feelings, and don't bottle things up until you burst. If he asks you what's wrong, don't respond with "nothing" and then expect him to read your mind and emotions. Be open about how you really feel.

JAY-Z AND BEYONCE DENIED, TOLD NOT JUST YET?

Icheoku says never estimate your self worth until compared with other people similarly situated with you. Jay-Z and Beyonce just learnt the lesson, the hard way, when they nearly closed on a home only to be stopped by a man who had more to offer than they were willing to pony up. 35 years old billionaire Minecraft founder, Markus Persson, made them to understand that their money is still just in the millions; and since he has more money than them, has earned the right of first refusal to a Los Angeles mansion on the hill, originally valued at $85 million but which sold for $70 million. 

Icheoku says moral of the story, never think too much of your worth or importance until someone else with much bigger ego comes barreling down your way to cut you to size. When so many are wishing to be have the amount of money the couple have their names and signatures to, here comes a man who has more money and was ready to make it work for him by splashing same on something that caught his attention. 

So in this life, learn to be content with what you can afford and never wish to be someone else or go to too great a pain to yourself just for no reason. Imagine Jay-Z and Bey being priced out of a property; their hands literally prized open to snatch it. A property which their riches could not afford to buy and you wonder what is their worth afterall or whether Chris Rock was right when he summarized that some people are rich while some others are wealthy, a case now once again proved right by this development.

I BEFRIENDED MY HUSBAND'S MISTRESS - ERIN SILVER

Icheoku says that was bold and courageous, but would you? Although  many other women would have approached the issue differently,  including an acid bath or a .45 caliber shot, but she chose to be modern and civilized about a matter which had since left her control. Anyway, to each his or her own of solving problems. Happy reading.

"My heart was galloping inside my chest. It made sense, considering what I was about to do. Any minute now, she would walk through the doors, and I would finally come face-to-face with the woman who had trotted off into the sunset with my husband, making me a single mother to my two little boys.

Two years earlier, I’d learned about her existence in a private investigator’s report. I remember staring at her black-and-white image, too shell-shocked to cry. She was photographed walking toward my husband’s hotel room door, overnight bag in hand, a pillow tucked under her arm.

“Don’t you know that hotels have pillows?” I’d wanted to shout, but it was pointless. I had to swallow my pride and move on.

My husband didn’t make it easy. A few days after I’d seen the report, he confessed to his year-long affair and asked me to give our marriage another try. “I made a mistake,” he said. “I’ll come home earlier from now on, we’ll have dinner together, we can be a family.”

My gut told me this was all wrong; that if he really loved me, he would never have had an affair in the first place. I felt beaten and betrayed, unloved and unloveable, but I knew I deserved better. Divorce was our only option.

After Everything Changed

I spent the next two years moving through a variety of stages — grief, despair, anger and sadness. But I was determined to get stronger, to turn my life around. My boys were only two and three at the time of my separation; if they were going to have a chance of being spared the ill-effects of divorce, they needed a happy mom. I began seeing a therapist, exercising, and wearing better clothes. I traveled with my boys, figured out my finances, found a lawyer, dated, and then I met someone whom I knew would never lie to me or treat me poorly.

By now, my ex and his mistress-turned-girlfriend were living together, and my kids were spending time with her. She bought them toys and clothes; she vacationed with them. They came home with stories of how she said “booger” with an “ooo” sound instead of the softer “uh.” I responded, “That’s so funny!”

But inside I hated her. I hated her for laying eyes on my husband in the first place; for not giving a shit if he was married with kids; for keeping him out until 6 a.m. while I was home, helpless and hysterical; for making me a single mother; for changing the course of my children’s lives and breaking our family unit.

I was left to wonder: Was she thinner than me? Prettier? What did she have or know or do that I didn’t? I’d avoided meeting her for a million reasons. How would it feel when I looked her in the eye? Was I strong enough to shake her hand? Would I scream at her? Slap her? Thank her for taking a cheating husband off my hands?

All I knew was that somehow I needed closure. Then one day, I was in a 40-day personal growth course at my yoga studio, which was like a big group therapy session. When everybody went around and state what we hoped to accomplish during the course (lose weight, accept themselves, be kinder to a spouse, etc.), I knew what I had to say. I’d put it off, but the time had come. To truly move forward in my life, to shake off my past like a dog shakes the rain, I needed to meet the woman at the center of it all.

Everyone clapped for me when I was done sharing and I felt like the biggest loser, but after that I had no choice. They were holding me accountable. I had to meet her, and it was truly the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life.

The Big Showdown

Yet now, as I waited for her at Starbucks, my heart hammering in my chest, I was scared. She was older than me, yes, but she didn’t have kids, which meant her boobs probably didn’t sag, even without a bra. Her stomach was probably flat and unscarred, unlike mine. After two C-sections, the jagged line from one hip bone to the other had faded, but not disappeared. I bet she liked to wear high heels even during the day. I looked down at my running shoes, and my thoughts swirled out of control. I was transported to the times my ex-husband disappeared on weeklong work trips or business dinners every other night of the week. The feelings I’d tried so hard to overcome surged back, feelings of being unwanted, unloved, and unloveable.

I wiped the palms of my hands along the sides of my workout pants. Up and down. Up and down. “Breathe, Erin. Breathe,” I coached myself. “In and out. In and out. It’s all you need to do.”

I heard the blood pulsing. Felt the thumping of my heart. I pushed my tongue up hard against the roof of my mouth, a I trick I learned recently in an assertiveness-training course. I pushed harder until my throat hurt.

“I got this,” I told myself. “Scared is good. It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok.”

I opened the plastic lid of my chai tea and inhaled the sweet and spicy aroma of cinnamon and cardamom. I could feel my heart rate start to steady. When I looked up, she was standing a table length away. I knew instinctively it was her. I looked directly into her green eyes, stuck out my hand and smiled. In an instant, I’d taken in all the details: her full smile, shiny dark hair, and perfect white-manicured nails. She was wearing a toque, plaid shirt and skinny jeans tucked into motorcycle boots. After a tumultuous two years of exhausting divorce negotiations and mounting lawyer bills, countless therapy sessions, and the pressures of having to forge a new life as a dating-working-single mother to two boys, I was face-to-face with my arch nemesis.

That’s when I surprised myself.

“Thank you for taking such good care of my kids when they are with their dad,” I told her warmly. “I know my boys can be a handful, and I’m happy you’re there to help.”

These words flowed from my mouth unexpectedly, and I realized I’d meant them. Wouldn’t it be better to have four eyes watching my kids instead of two, four hands to keep my boys safe? I had built her up in my mind. I blamed her for clawing away at my self-worth, but what did I have to gain by being angry or continuing to point fingers? I wanted to let it go. To wash my anger off my skin.

I realized in that instant that they were a better fit for each other, too. My boyfriend and I revolve around our families and our kids; we love dinners at home and spending weekends and vacations together. My ex and his girlfriend enjoy fancy vacations and expensive clothes. We just have different lifestyles and priorities. I decided to forgive her and finally be at peace with myself. The hatred burst into nothingness, just like a balloon. I had at last come to terms with my divorce.

The next day, I drove to the department of motor vehicles, filled out the name change forms, and waited for my number to be called. My hands fumbled the pen, and they shook as I signed my original signature for the first time in 10 years. Then I took my wedding bands — two beautiful diamond eternity bands — to a jeweler and traded them in for a pair of diamond earrings without thinking twice.

Since that day in Starbucks, I’ve chosen to befriend her in a way. I always include her at my children’s birthday parties; I’ve invited her into my house, and I’ve been to hers. We are friendly when we chat — we talk about Lululemon, the kids, working out, and so on. She helped my boys pick out an engraved Tiffany’s necklace for me Valentine’s Day last year, and she helped my youngest son make me a painting. This past summer, I got my boys a puppy, but when the responsibility became too much, we gave it to her parents, complete with all his toys, food and vaccinations. She makes sure my kids still get to see their beloved dog.

We are not a big, happy family, and we certainly don’t double date. We came together by odd and unfortunate circumstances. But now, I realize, at least, that we are all on the same team.

HILLARY CLINTON'S PRESIDENCY, ICHEOKU NOT ENTHUSED.

Icheoku says the truth of the matter is that America is still much a chauvinistic masochistic  male society which is not ready for the headship of a woman as president of America. The time is not yet come and Hillary Clinton will not be that first female president. Donald Trump was right and Donald Trump spoke the truth when he said that Hillary Clinton was shellacked or "schlonged" by Barack Obama despite the great expectation that she was going to wipe the ground with the boy, who according to her husband Bill Clinton, would ordinarily be making and serving them tea just a few short years ago? Just the last time's Hillary Clinton's bathroom overstay, what if America was under attack as evidenced during 9/11 when then President GW Bush was caught aloof, reading to some school kids, would her reason for not timely responding be because her bathroom took a little longer? 

America's presidency should not be so trivialized into a woman-deference and man-requirement affair. Both sexes should be ready to answer the proverbial red-phone timely, irrespective of any peculiar needs or bathroom circumstances. Therefore, Icheoku says and channeling Donald Trump that the American presidency should not be a battle of the sexes and cannot and should not be predicated on the sex of the candidate; neither should concessions be made to a particular candidate for election simply because her biological anatomy is somewhat different. and requires longer bathroom stay? Regardless, the 2008 election campaign where Obama "schlonged" Hillary is still very fresh in memory and Hillary Clinton has not improved her chances of ever being crowned American president since then. 

That being said and since Barack Obama is not running again, Icheoku makes bold to state that Hillary Clinton will not be elected president of America, not in this 2016 and not at any future time. Nobody really truly likes her as her personality and perception suck big time. But for the rubbed off affection which transferred from her husband Bill to her and she knows this, the reason she has not yet divorced him waiting to ride his love by the people into the White House, she will have no love at all. Her presidency will not happen as Americans have watched and seem through her facade and their opinion about her and disposition towards her has not changed. She turns political trick each time and every time, depending on what is convenient and what makes a good talking point. Icheoku's lack of interest for Hillary Clinton dates back a long time ago; she comes across as a too calculating feminist, who can say and do anything just to secure an advantage. 

It is likely that Bill Clinton is not even happy with her and is only putting up appearance of loving her just for political expediency? Otherwise why all his philandering with other women including Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky etc. Any man who is at home and in love with his woman does not necessarily go astray chasing other skirts except he does not get any or enough or simply tired and done. 

Anyway, many Americans will not be voting for Hillary. Icheoku says that many men who are married and who finds it extremely difficult relating to their overbearing wives would not vote for Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton might not even vote for Hillary Clinton himself. Many very jealous women, who are always engaged in catfights with each other, will not vote for Hillary Clinton. Then of course, majority of good old white boys of America will not have themselves submit to the dictates of a woman in their White House. Then added to blacks and Hispanics and other minorities of America who would be wondering whether to still pull the trigger for another minority female after the other minority black Barack Obama did not seem to have had way with things beneficial to the minorities of America. 

Icheoku says unfortunately but true, it is time for the good ole white boys to take back their White House and in order to see if things could simmer down a little bit. Tension has been rising in the country since 2008 leading to a lot of lack of collective policy direction and so much disgruntled winnings. This virulent opposition to anything Barack Obama will continue in the unfortunate event Hillary Clinton gets elected; but it is not going to happen. Americans are tired of having a minority president and they will not elect another one; not just yet and especially not one who is a female named Hillary Clinton. Moreso, there is a Clinton fatigue in America now just like they are also tired of the  other political family that have sort of become a permanent fixture in the political firmament too. 

Icheoku says go Donald and together lets make America great again. And for those Republican leadership trying to sabotage the Donald Trump movement and derail it, you better watch out and curb your enthusiasm. The whole Republican attractiveness will peter to a stop if anything ever happens to the Donald anticipated ticket. Donald Trump is the reason for the season and Americans, Republicans and those of us Blue-dog democrats alike as well as independents will not have any other person flying the Republican ticket than Donald Trump this 2016. If the ticket is stolen from him or he is forcefully shoved aside, we all are going to say out the election and Hillary Clinton, despite all her baggage, might win by default. So let the wish of the people prevail, let the Donald run and the Donald will win and win convincingly too.

TRUMP STILL COOL, ICHEOKU STILL LEANING TRUMP

Icheoku has received back channel confirmation on why Sarah Palin visited and we are satisfied with the information. Icheoku therefore reaffirms that Donald Trump is the presidential candidate to beat this election year 2016. America is tired of the Clintons and the Bushes and now needs a completely fresh break from the politics of committee of the willing and the favored ones only. America is not a "Family-dom" or a "Family-ocracy" and so cannot continue recycling the Clinton's and the Bush's family members only. 

Donald Trump provides the verve needed by America after the Obama presidency that left much to be desired and crushed so many expectation. Like Jonathan's promise of breathe of fresh air which went burst, the Obama presidency left so many promises unfulfilled. President Barack Hussein Obama also left the black race holding the plate, including black Americans, forcing many wondering if indeed he was fertilized by an African sperm and sired by a black father. Anyway, just few months and the repair will begin; and together Americans and Donald Trump shall make America great again! And for those thinking about Hilary Clinton, those channeling their love for Bill Clinton to her, Icheoku, like Brooklyn people, says "jus-forge-t-bout-it" (just forget about it) It is not going to happen; another minority will not occupy the White House so soon after the last one and if any time soon, not one named Hillary Clinton.