APC IS A CONTRAPTION OF PAIN AND ANGER - SULE LAMIDO.

 "This so called APC is what you call political fraud because you may change the nomenclature (name of party) – change it ten times over, but the people in it did not change. They are the same old people. I laugh at it more because the entire contraption is a creation of pain and anger; it is not about Nigeria." - Dr Sule Lamido, Governor Jigawa State dismissing the Tinubu/Buhari led All Progressive Congress party as irrelevant. 

Icheoku says we read the interview wherein this assertion was made and are being forced to take a second look at this Jigawa Governor as possibly a good candidate for Nigeria presidency. Possibly Baba Iyabo is right and once again committing a "good blunder" by beaming a searchlight on this man as what Nigeria needs in 2015 or whenever future time he is hired.

NORTHERN NIGERIA, A HOUSE DIVIDED?

"Power can return to the North if they win. If they have a unanimous candidate and they win the election, nobody will question the return of power to them; but the North that they are talking about does not include the Middle Belt. That is the offending statement. Anytime they talk about the North, they mean the North-West. They do not include us. And we say we are tired of supporting people who will never include us in any election. So, this is the problem.” - Senator Ameh Ebute, Third Republic Senate President, harpooning the core North for using and dumping the Middle Belt people over the years. 

Icheoku says the Senator is right:- Ahmadu Bello is from Northwest; Sarduana same; Shehu Shagari same; Muhammadu Buhari same; Ibrahim Babangida same; Sani Abacha same; Umaru Yar'Adua same; Sanusi Lamido Sanusi same, El Rufai same; IGP Abubakar same; and the list goes on. Icheoku rejoices that at last the Northern-wool these core Northerners hitherto used in covering the eyes of these Middle Belters is gradually being pulled away for the Middle Belt to see reason and understand where their destiny really lie - THE SOUTH. They been unequally yoked for too long with these people and it is about time the yoke came off. 

May be some examples will suffice to buttress this point:- the distance going from Abuja to Enugu is shorter than going from Abuja to Kano or Sokoto or even Maiduguri (Northeast), yet these North-westerners readily claim Middle Belt as their own and Icheoku wonders why? Moreover, culturally and in physical appearance as well as the type of food they eat, the Middle Belters are closer to the Southerners than to these Northerners. The Middle Belt does not even speak the Northern language as the septuagenarian leader of Ombatse cult pointed out recently that he does not understand a word of the Hausa/Fulani language. Even the climate and general geography of the Middle Belt is more similar to the South than to the North; as well as peoples names, yet these Northerners maintain a vice choke hold on the Middle Belters as per affinity? 

So what are we talking about letting these mallams from the very far Northwest continue to lay claim to Middle Belt as their own backyard? Icheoku says it is about time some gerrymandering of the mind is done to right the wrongs of these past many years of Northwestern Nigerian bamboozle and fuzzy arithmetic of a Nigerian geographical portioning which allowed them to maintain political domination of the country since independence despite being actually in the minority in the country, proper census factored in. There is simply no ties between the core North and the Middle Belt to sustain this fraud of claim of ownership by the former of the later - not in language, not in culture, not in food, not in religion, not in geography or climate conditions, not in the nature of soil, not in religion and not in anything which could establish of prove affinity whatsoever. Icheoku says with this imaginary ties now severed, may be the process of really moving Nigeria forward has begun; so let the minorities of the South-South and Middle Belt show the rest of the country the way. ENOUGH says Senator Ameh Ebute and Icheoku concurs.

SNOWDEN, DRONE THE MOTHERFUCKING TRAITOR NOW.

Icheoku says if any time ever called for the rightful droning of a United States citizen, the case of rat and snitching bastard son of a bitch and now "stateless" person, Edward Joseph Snowden is that time. Provided every reasonable attempt at apprehension of the fugitive from justice fails, killing him by any means necessary, including the use of drone, makes a perfect sense. Whatever stops him from causing further havoc to the United States national security is a fair game and provided he is stopped and stopped soon enough before he does further damage to our nation's security, he will not be missed and his death will not be mourned by many. What he did by leaking highly classified national security information is heinous enough and a betrayal of the trust that got him into the NSA in the first place; and so he must be stopped from further exacerbating the situation by still being on the loose and still running his mouth. Icheoku hates snitches of any kind and does not condone their acts. Like the Sicilians, Icheoku agrees that some secrets should be interred with the keeper. Snowden breached this cardinal law of Omerta, hence deserves his present predicament of being hounded by the government of the United States of America on behalf of her citizens whose safety and security he betrayed. 

Snowden's killing will be one such case where the killing of a United States' citizen is about righteous revenge, the treacherous and treasonable act he perpetrated against his own country taken into consideration. Icheoku says former Vice President Dick Cheney was darn right when he labelled Snowden's act treasonable and Icheoku agrees that every traitor shall be put to death. Snowden deserves no more pity than any other enemy of the state including Islamist terrorists and killing him will help deter other Snowdens of America and their Weak-leak collaborators from multiplying. Icheoku waxes fantastically that somehow Hollywood was nearly as right in their depiction of our men and women of the gum shoes and how they can easily track and nail any so marked for elimination weasel like Snowden. But peradventure, Hollywood is simply make believe and if only there is no much distance between their fantasy and the present reality of getting hold of the ratty Snowden. However Osama Bin Laden was tracked and whacked after many years of playing hide and seek as well as many other people who had taken up arms against the United States, so lets see how long the hunt for Snowden will take or for how long the Russian airport will continue to provide home to the now stateless fugitive.

Icheoku says In "real-ville", with due deference to Rush Limbaugh, there is cost for anything and everything. If the people wants omelet from their government, they should and must be prepared to lose some eggs in the process. But to saddle the government with the responsibility of keeping Americans safe and at the same time asking it to leave some stones un-turned in their effort to discharge this duty by unraveling who wants to do America harm, are two polar opposites irreconcilable. Simply put, impossible, a mere wishful thinking. The choice is clear, it is either we have a safe America with Americans ponying up some limited privacy rights as a trade-off or bargain or Americans can keep all their rights and shut the fuck up in the event some otherwise preventable act of terror takes place. If anyone has reason to fear what he or she discusses over the phone, he or she should not so speak it in the first place; but otherwise why would a clear conscience fear any accusation? The government is not listening to our phones to hear what some guy tells that gal to get her in the sac, no, they are listening for threatening and criminal conspiracies that would cause us harm. Icheoku says faced with this two options, we choose the former as we are prepared to trade some liberty for the assurance of safety or attempt thereat. Query:- if such eavesdropping program could have ensured that our twin towers in New York still stood till today, why not? If such program could have guaranteed that those 3000 plus Americans and foreigners alike that perished on 9/11 were still alive, why not? If such program could remove the present bottleneck associated with air travels since 9/11, why not? And the list goes on. 

Icheoku says unequivocally that anyone whosoever, who damages, sabotages or tries to do either to our government's effort at keeping us safe as Americans, is and should be treated as an enemy of the state. Such a person should deservedly loose all his or her rights as a citizen of the United States of America; and so the present 'de-citizening' of snitch Snowden by cancelling his passport is quite commendable, in order and very clever of the government. Icheoku says when Edward Joseph Snowden took the present course of action against America's government's effort to safeguard Americans' safety and security, he crossed the line of a patriotic citizen, no longer entitled to citizenship rights and should be droned upon sight as any enemy combatant of the state, period. Such a scoundrel as Snowden is no worse than Osama Bin Laden or any other shrivelling terrorist who caused us harm and who have been smoked out of their hiding and taken care of.  If it is by means of a poison dart or aerosol, drowning in the bathtub or whatever it takes, but Edward Joseph Snowden should not live assuming sending him to Colorado underground maximum security prison proves difficult or impossible. Snowden attacked America, jeopardized and compromised the safety and security of every American by what he did. Snowden is no longer a true patriotic American, deserving any rights and privileges of an American and should therefore be consigned to the rotten garbage of history where he now belongs.  Every true and real American patriot must have a skin in the effort at making and keeping America, their ONLY country, safe. Any citizen's or person's attempt or conspiracy to destroy America's fabric or undermine its safety and security or put its citizens in harm's way must and should be met with drastic and ruthless response by the state. So this is the fate which now awaits traitor Edward Joseph Snowden.

LEVEL OF GREED IN NIGERIA IS INTOLERABLE - PETER OBI

 

“I wonder why one person should own a house in Ikoyi, Asokoro, Dubai and he is not using them for anything. People accumulate what they don’t need, it is madness. The level of greed in Nigeria is quite intolerable." - Governor Peter Obi of Anambra State said while making a somewhat valedictory speech from politics, lamenting that there is no future for him in active politics post 2015. Icheoku says our abiding faith in this man has not wavered and we loved him the day he took bulldozers to the house of the kidnapping kingpin at Oraifite, Anambra State. Governor Obi, Icheoku says you have done well by Icheoku and millions of other men and women of character who are convinced on your good works and does not need any "special" minding to proclaim it. May God continue to lead you as you complete your term in office and plan and navigate your future.

THEIR NORTH IS NOT OUR NORTH - AMEH EBUTE

"Power can return to the North if they win. If they have a unanimous candidate and they win the election, nobody will question the return of power to them; but the North that they are talking about does not include the Middle Belt. That is the offending statement. Anytime they talk about the North, they mean the North-West. They do not include us. And we say we are tired of supporting people who will never include us in any election. So, this is the problem.” - Senator Ameh Ebute,Third Republic Senate President, harpooning the core North for consistently using and dumping the Middle Belt people over the years. Icheoku adds the fact that Fulanis have been killing and maiming the people of of the Middle Belt is not helping bridge this mistrust at all. But hey they fought and killed Biafrans alongside these their Northern brothers during the civil war, so who cares or what does Icheoku care, if they are being shafted now.

NBA 2013 CHAMPIONSHIP, THE KING HAS DONE IT AGAIN

 

Icheoku says congratulations to King Lebron James and his boys for yet another delightful basketball year. It was thrilling from the get-go, through their undefeated running period to the winning of the Eastern conference; then to the cliff-hanger toss-up with San Antonio Spurs that was the NBA finals. Icheoku predicted that King James will add yet another jewel to his crown this 2013 and with one more to go in 2014 before he returns to make peace with Cleveland in 2015. It is going to happen; Lebron James will move back to Cleveland in 2015, possibly with his co triumvirates of Wade and Bosh to help give the people of Cleveland an NBA championship ring in 2015. Spurs showed up and showed up well; but mother luck and sheer doggedness was on Heat's side and so went the 2013 NBA championship medal. Icheoku says it is now one for Wade, one for James and next year's is going to be Bosh's. Well done Heaters. Icheoku says that regrettably the racism in America has factored in the not giving much prop to the Filipino-coach of Miami Heat Erik Spoelstra. A coach who has won two in a row and who has won so many games despite the odds; yet gets trifle mention and coverage simply because he does not have the right skin tone? This says a lot about the country's underbelly and this does not bode well for America. Icheoku says congratulations coach Spoelstra for the wonders you perform coaching champions and for the feat of back to back NBA championship. On your behalf, Icheoku dedicates the 2013 NBA championship to the Philippines.

TONY SOPRANO, WHACKED BY HEART ATTACK.

Icheoku cut off our HBO when the hit Sopranos ended; admitted plans were afoot to re-hook later since Tony was not whacked during the grand finale in that restaurant despite fans expectations. The lights that went out while daughter Meadow was entering the restaurant to join the rest of the family for a dinner, drawing the curtain on the series, suggested that the show had a chance of a rebirth, whenever the producer decides to turn the light back on? Icheoku and millions of other fans waited and waited to find out what happened when the light comes back on but it never did; needless to add that our HBO is still tossed. Now who knows if it stands any chance of ever being reconnect with the whacking of all whacking by heart attack of the man who brought mafioso to life and into millions of our living rooms. 

Call this soothsaying(ish) if you like, but Icheoku was watching Brad Pitt's "Killing them softly" movie the other day and saw a tired Tony making his way through an airport. Somehow, Icheoku felt worried that Tony's weight forebodes danger to his health from a heart in too much labor, which eventually now did him in. But hey he came, did his time and is now gone. He will be remembered for what he did while it lasted. Thankfully it was quick and he did not suffer too much. As for the debt which every mortal owes, he has paid his own and is now truly free.

Tony Soprano (birth name James Gandolfini) will be sorely missed, especially his 'wicked' laugh and his ever sparkling lighted eyes which looks muxh like Snowball's of George Orwell's Animal Farm. He did HBO and Italians proud, correctly depicting the ruthless mafia don who must never be crossed. Icheoku loved The Sopranos, all of it; especially the scene where Tony and the rest of the made guys whacked Sal 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero and took his body by boat for a sea burial for being a government (FBI informant) snitch. Tony's regular sessions with his shrink, Dr. Melfi, also brought psychologists' work closer to people. 

Tony Soprano, an Italian descent, died in the old country, while on a working visit there. He was just 51 years old. Icheoku says adieu Toni and may you continue to be the boss over there; except that the real boss Al Capone might be jealous of your exploits in Sopranos and anxiously waiting for your arrival with his muscles to whack you yet again and may be back this way? Salute, Arrivederci, So long Toni.

RIVERS STATE POLICE COMMISSIONER SHOULD RESIGN OR BE FIRED.

Icheoku was very much around during the second republic when the fight for supremacy between then Vice President Alex Ekwueme and also then Anambra State Governor Jim Nwobodo over who controls Anambra State reached a feverish climax. A time it was when Ekwueme's Abuja deployed Commissioner of Police Bishop Eyitenne to Anambra State with specific instruction to muscle Governor Nwobodo and frustrate him and his government. The situation got so bad then that Jim's Vanguard masking under the State's Road Safety marshals were transformed into armed rival vigilante-force in the state and effectively drew the line in the sand. It was so tensed that every person alive and living in Anambra State could feel the coming tornado and waited for its touchdown

Icheoku like any true son and daughter of Igbo-land was in the Zeek's party - the NPP. Partisan politics coming so soon after the end of shooting hostilities of the Biafran war, no right thinking Igbo person was expected to be in any other party but the NPP (Igbo Party), talkless of being a member of the Hausa/Fulani NPN party after what they did to Igbos during the war. A member of the youth wing led by Anike Nwoga and private secretary to local government NPP chapter's chairman and so effectively was in the know and highly partisan. It was the same period that then returned exile Odumegwu Ojukwu's 'IF' (Ikemba Front or whatever that acronym stood for) had a gun-duel at Nkpor junction with security details of Governor Nwobodo, acting from the same play book from Abuja's NPN party in power? Icheoku recalls that Bishop Eyitenne's confrontation and disrespect of democratically elected Governor Nwobodo became so flagrant that even court orders were wantonly disobeyed by him; his police motorcade was bigger and noisier than the chief executive governor's; as well as other sundry irritable and very provoking words he spewed out concerning the state and how nobody in Lions' House can tell him what to do therein. Icheoku recalls too how NPN thugs including the notorious bandit "Santana" ran amok and did as they pleased in the state while the Commissioner looked the other way. Ditto, the impunity with which other NPN high-ups in the state trounced about without recourse to law and order or any decorum. All these, with their Abuja minders, supervised by Ekwueme, providing cover and needed cash to nest their wantonness, all in an attempt to wrest power from the governor and his NPP and turn the state at all cost over to the NPN so that the vice president could "WIN" his own state for the party. 

Quite a showdown then it was, between a duly elected democratic governor of a state and a mere civil servant police commissioner, who ordinarily should have been there in Anambra State to carry out security instructions from the head security official of the state, the executive governor. But with tacit instruction or rather direct orders from Abuja, Eyitenne descended on Anambra State with one purpose - to help NPN take back the state even if it means foisting a total breakdown of law and order through reckless provocations. Icheoku says but for the intervention of Muhammed Buhari's coupists in December 30, 1983, no one knew exactly how it would have turned out and what would have become of such several flash-point states including Anambra State. It was sure headed to a conflagration, a clash of powers and eventual precipice. 

Regrettably, Nigerians are so daft and hardly learn from past experiences and history. Case in point being the current standoff between Governor Rotimi Amaechi and Commissioner of Police Joseph Mbu of Rivers State. With the Nwobodo and Eyitenne feud as a backdrop, Icheoku wonders how security could be ensured now in Rivers State where the chief security officer and the chief security enforcer doesn't see eye to eye. A case where the falcon cannot hear the falconer in Rivers State will lead to a complete breakdown of law and order. Anarchy, being let loose in the state, things are sure likely to completely fall apart, security wise speaking. Icheoku without mincing words or taking sides; but matter of factually speaking, says that Rivers State COP must and should, as is required in every well organised civilized society, submit himself and subsume himself under the authority of the governor who was elected by the people of the state to provide them, among other democratic dividends, SECURITY. The governor is the first person in the state before whom no one else comes, hence reserves the right to speak on matters effecting his state including its security, ditto the security officials therein and that includes the commissioner. It is therefore rebellious for the commissioner to question the motives of such a chief security official of the state and in his state.

Icheoku says where the COP's ego becomes too bloated that it now comes in the way and he cannot find himself working under and with the governor, he should seek a transfer out of the state or resign or be forced out. But a situation where a civil servant is calling an elected political leader of the state names is unbecoming of a supposedly non partisan security enforcer. Icheoku therefore condemns as uncalled for, unwarranted and beyond pale, the recent alleged statement attributed to COP Mbu that Governor Amaechi is a tyrant and a dictator. In the commissioner's own words "“Our governor is very tyrannical, he is a dictator. He wants everybody to say ‘yes sir’ to him and I said I will not say so. I am a professional." Icheoku adds as a professional, don't the commissioner know that he is supposed to carry out instructions without muddling himself into its politics or is his own professionalism different from that word defined? Icheoku queries, by joining issues with the governor and actually disobeying a lawful order to "say yes sir to the governor," is the commissioner still entitled to remain on his job a day longer? Recall that the same hothead commissioner was redeployed out of Oyo State to Rivers State just in February this year for unlawfully invading the Ashipa of Oyo's palace. Now he wants to use the same wantonness tactics in Rivers State and thinks he will succeed?

Irrespective of whatever be the provocation/s, at least the commissioner should have sought and used back room channels to explain how he felt to the governor but not in anyway the frontal press conference approach. His avenue of choice is rather a total show of disrespect for not only to the governor but the people of Rivers State whose mandate he duly possesses, at least until his term expires or is forced out by political vendetta and/or vindictiveness of Abuja. Admitted that protesters should conform to rules of engagement when they march by seeking necessary police permit, except where it is unreasonably denied, but Mbu's outburst is unbecoming of a civil servant. Therefore Abuja and President Jonathan must prove to Nigerians that the commissioner is not acting their script by letting him go or at least deploying him out of Rivers State at minimum. In the US which Nigerians officials frequently make references to whenever it suits their talking point, Army General Stanley McChrystal who was then commanding war operations in Afghanistan, was forced to fall on his sword because of some disparaging remarks he and his troops made about and concerning the persons of President Obama and his vice Biden or rather "Bite Me," according to the alleged.

Rivers State's Commissioner of Police has no right whatsoever to second guess the state's reason for "not being happy with him." He is a civil servant, not an elected official, hence his opinion is irrelevant until sought by his superiors. His honor code should and must remain to salute and take a bow and implement what he is asked to do, provided it is not criminal. He should and must do as told or resign or be forced out of his office if he does not want to obey lawful orders of his superior or in his own words be "subservient to the governor." If the kitchen in Port Harcourt is becoming too hot, let the darn commissioner find the exit and get out; but he must leave politics for politicians or better still take off his uniform and join the fray. Icheoku says if according to the commissioner he agrees that the "office of the governor is a respected office," why then is he disrespecting it with such a disparaging public remarks, calling an elected democratic governor a dictator and a tyrant? Icheoku queries what else would the commissioner "tell the world in his next interview on why the governor is against him" since he had already said it is because he does not want to be "subservient" to him? Be that as it may, Icheoku hereby call on Rivers State Commissioner of Police Mbu to resign or for Abuja to redeploy him out of the state and in any other event, fire his police-arse for antagonizing and bringing the office of an elected democratic governor to disrepute by branding him a dictator and a tyrant. 

GUITAR HERO, GUITAR PLAYING PRESIDENT JONATHAN.

Icheoku says President Bill Clinton played the saxophone; President GW Bush played and danced to the beat of African drums; President Barack Obama sang Al Green's Lets Stay Together; President Olusegun Obasanjo danced PSY's Gangnam Style; and even Madam Secretary of State Albright danced to Macarena and the other Madam Secretary of State Hillary Clinton also danced some South African tunes too. Now President Goodluck Jonathan of Nigeria just strung the guitar. 

Icheoku says whats up with all these presidents showing us the lighter side of themselves and displaying inert talents which duties of the state had somehow made redundant. Icheoku says the world especially Nigerians can use the million Naira smile on their President Jonathan's face. A country almost over-heating from stress of every kind can sure find some uplifting from their smiley president. Icheoku says GOOD for the country.

DANA AIR CRASH MEMORIAL, SIMPLY THOUGHTLESS.

Icheoku asks what is so important about a tragic accident, especially where it was not terrorist-induced and/or not involving the life of a national leader like a president, to warrant the erection of a memorial? Icheoku queries since when has a horrifying air accident become so "edifying" that a cenotaph had to be erected to remember it forever? Moreso no national figure/s was or were lost in the accident to necessitate a memorial to cement him or her or them forever in Nigerians' national psyche via a memorial. 

Sentiments not withstanding, air accidents happen and will continue to happen world-wide including in Nigeria; and Dana Air crash will not be the end it of all air accidents. Air accident is a necessary concomitant of air travelling and so long as humans and science/technology rendezvous and agree to travel through air in a mechanical, sometimes tubular contraption, which periodically is bound to come apart, that long would disasters be expected; except that Icheoku prays they are not a frequently occurring incidents. So Icheoku asks what makes this Dana Air accident so special that it has to be so memorialized? What is the paradigm or reason de`tre here for memorializing this particular air crash and in this particular way, wasting peoples money on cement and mortar, just because some people lost their lives in a probable risk which they voluntarily undertook and which is routinely so undertaken by millions of air travelers around the world without much of an eye-blink? 

Icheoku, without equivocation or deference, categorically states that the Dana Air crash memorial was unneeded, unnecessary, unwarranted and a testament in misguided expenditure by a government on a shopping spree and lacking a trajectory of purpose for its being. Simply put, the Dana Air crash memorial was a senseless project by a directionless trial by error government which has not found its compass several years on the navigation deck of the Nigeria ship state. Conversely, a cheque made out by the government to the bereaved families and relatives of those victims would have been a better application of the resources spent on this cenotaph. It would have gone a longer way to palliate their hardship and by extension  been a worthier endeavor than a lifeless mass of cement and mortar. Icheoku understands that Nigeria deputy foreign affairs minister, one Onwuliri, lamented that the claim for her husband, a victim of the said disaster, was yet to be paid? Icheoku queries, if this one top heavy of Nigeria government, who could easily cushion the hardship of the loss of a beloved, possibly "bread-winner" is complaining of not having received compensation for her loss, imagine what those other hapless Nigerians, without means, whose primary and sole bread winners were claimed by the tragedy and who also are yet to receive their claims must be going through? Yet a government that is in auto-pilot is busy building and commissioning a useless cement structure called memorial instead of channeling resources wisely and more prudently. 

Assuming as a devil's advocate that Icheoku aligns itself with the benefactors herein that the memorial was erected in honor of the lost victims and not necessarily the accident per se, query:- how many such monuments would therefore be erected in the lifetime of the Nigerian Aviation industry, the sordid, parlous and horrendous state of it taken into advisement that many more lives would be lost in the future? Which future accident would thereafter not be worthy enough of a memorial since the precedent has unfortunately now been set with the Ikeja-Lagos Dana air crash memorial? Further, how about the several past air accidents in Nigeria air space, some of which claimed more Nigerian lives than the one in situ? Icheoku asks where is the memorial for the Ejigbo Babangida-fingered air accident that wiped out a crop of young and promising Nigerian army officers? Icheoku queries where is the memorial for the Sosoliso Port-Harcourt plane accident that claimed hundreds of lives of innocent children returning home to their parents on holidays? Who have erected a memorial for the yet another Port Harcourt plane accident in the Atlantic Ocean that claimed hundreds of lives including the poet Claude Eke? What about the Mambilla Plateau Obasanjo-fingered plane accident that wiped out some Nigerian Army Generals? Then relating back, there was the December 1983 Enugu plane accident which claimed hundreds of lives including the daughter of then Anambra State Governor CC Onoh as well as the entire family of then Senator Uche Offia-Nwali, Icheoku asks, where is its cenotaph? The last but not the least, Nigeria must not forget so soon that the Sultan of Sokoto Maccido and his emirate council as well as serving a Nigerian senator and other high ranking Northern personalities perished in another supposedly Obasanjo engineered plane accident in Abuja, Icheoku says, show Nigerians its memorial? 

Nigerian officials will not spare a second in analogising that the memorial is similar to what obtains elsewhere especially in America, a country which they always hurriedly refer to in most of their clever-by-half comparisons. Needless to say that they pick and choose their comparisons as it suits their convenient talking points - a case of learning the bird's singing skills without as well learning its flying skills. However the same Nigerian officials will not enlighten ordinary Nigerians, whose tax-payers and oil money is being wasted in this manner, that it is only in certain circumstances such as where such a tragedy was induced by act of third parties and not necessarily act of God that such memorials become necessary. In the United States for example, there is the 9/11 memorial in New York and another in Shanksville Pennsylvania, there is the USS Arizona memorial in Pearl Harbor, Honolulu Hawaii and there is also Oklahoma City bombing memorial just to name a few. But in all these cases, the accident or event which affected Americans' general psyche and thus necessitated the erection of these memorials were triggered by third parties - Osama Bin Laden, Japan and Timothy McVeigh; but they were never an act of God such as a purely mechanical failure of a flying aircraft. Icheoku asks Nigerian authorities to show us where the memorial exist for several United States of America air disasters including the Alaskan Air Pacific ocean plunge, the New York Queens Jamaican bound aircraft plunge following 9/11 on 9/13 or thereabout, as well as so many other air disasters similar to the Lagos Nigeria Dana Air accident for which millions if not billions of Naira has just been fretted away in the name of erecting a memorial? 

It would have been understandable if the Dana Air disaster was a terrorists event and the people of Nigeria, being so psyche-damaged therefrom, needed something to reassure them that they are still standing and would not be intimidated by it. But erecting a memorial for a purely an accident-event is rather an over-reach of those people in authority in Nigeria as there are so many other things the expenditure would have been better situated than marking a very tragic air accident. Which political leader was lost in the accident that Nigerians should be so compensated with a statue or cenotaph in his or her honor or remembrance? Icheoku asks, henceforth, would there be always a memorial erected for every air accident that might likely occur within Nigeria airspace; and would there be additional structures erected to retroactively mark and "honor" all past air accident victims and they were several hundreds of lost Nigerian souls? Call the observation callous and unfeeling for all Icheoku cares; but the problem with Nigeria is that no one tells people in authority the truth and as a result they speed themselves to self-destruction on the wrong side of developmental needful projects and to their eventual doom that after their sojourn in the seat of power, no one remembers them for the mega projects they executed or laudable policies which they entrenched. They are instead scornfully reminisced for several missed opportunities to do the big things and for a wholesale failure to deliver on the expectations of the populace. 

This systematic misappropriation of opportunities is the bane of Nigeria in comatose and it is what engineered the catastrophic cenotaph of thoughtlessness that is Dana Air crash memorial; needless to add that some people made quick money out of it in stacked over-billed invoices. Icheoku and millions of other thinking Nigerians want to know how many such air tragedies will be so cenotaph-ed in the future especially during the lifetime of an administration which profligacy is becoming drunken-sailor like; an administration which seems not to know what its priorities are or ought to be and an administration burdened by the leadership of a president, who is so preoccupied with idleness and suffering from 'nothing to do' syndrome, that he shows up at so many weddings and funerals? Icheoku asks is the seat at Aso Rock now too hot for his butt to sit down and think out solutions to Nigeria's myriad of problems that he goes to even child-naming ceremonies and by extension usurping the supposed duties of his vice president? Icheoku says something is wrong with a country that produces such leadership and something is wronger with such a leadership that cannot strive to assuage the fears of the thinking section of the populace and thereby earn their trust and confidence and peradventure also meritoriously assert its term in office. A joker and/in a country of clowns is never a good mix and you ask Icheoku where are the promised breathe of fresh air themed democracy dividends; except that you just found one in the Dana Air crash cenotaph for crying out loud. Go figure.

VLADIMIR AND LYUDMILA PUTIN, NO LONGER AN ITEM!

Icheoku says what mother Russia had put together, unbridled licentiousness and loneliness has put asunder; and so it is that the fabled strong man of Russia became a weakling on the home front and was not man enough to do what it takes to keep his home safe and secured. Russia's President Vladimir and First Lady Lyudmila Putin's marriage have gone with the wind; its center did not hold as cravings for younger skirts by Vladimir have driven the older love interest over the cliff and she had to walk away. Icheoku says yet another evidence that marriage does not work, never worked and will never work except for those who live in denial and put a facade of happily ever after. Icheoku says to Vladimir and Lyudmila, happy trails.

OBASANJO DESERVES TO BE CAGED - TANKO YAKASSI.

"Whenever Obasanjo disagrees with a person, he will carry the fight to his place of worship, to his dining table and sometimes, he will even be fighting the person in his dream. He is unforgiving and his method of disagreement with people is sometimes a matter of life and death." - Tanko Yakassi; reacting to the recent outburst of Obasanjo in Dutse castigating President Jonathan for keeping him in the dog's house and away from calling all the shots in Aso Rock. 

Icheoku adds, may be it is about time the Otta deity is arrested and tried for his numerous misdeeds during his presidency including the Halliburton scandal. Further, Obasanjo's membership of the PDP should be suspended since he is now more of a problem than a solution to the wellness of the party; which has increasingly become more apparent since he lost his third term bid to cling to power. But only if Icheoku were Jonathan and Jonathan were Icheoku?

ORAL SEX IS DANGEROUS - MICHAEL DOUGLAS.

Icheoku says the "Surgeon General" Michael Douglas has warned men to beware, pause and ponder before going downtown on their women. According to the oral sex expert, going down on women is not good for you. He spoke from experience having nearly died from throat cancer which he claimed resulted from his giving too much head to his women over the years. Icheoku wonders which of his women gave him the cutties. But hey, something is going to kill everyone and if it is oral sex, so be it.

CUNNILINGUS, MICHAEL DOUGLAS SAYS NO.

Icheoku says the recent confession by Hollywood great Michael Douglas that he partakes in munching of the female genitalia would have gone as an ordinary event except for the time-bomb he threw when he cautioned against it. According to the Wall Streeter, cleaning the female oven exhaust with your mouth is dangerous and will cost you; particularly where the said recipient is afflicted by the the human papillomavirus HPV. 

Experience they say is the best teacher and narrating therefrom, the man who divorced his first wife Diandra in a costly 1997 Hollywood divorce and later married CZJ in 2000 said his throat cancer ordeal was a result of his giving too much head to such afflicted female/s? Icheoku says Michael had lived with his first wife for over fourteen years before his divorce and did not get throat cancer and then married Catherine Zeta-Jones? It is on record that the divorced wife Diandra timely disclosed that "her female junk is squeaky and whistle clean;" which tentatively leaves CZJ as the most likely culprit and possible carrier of the HPV which caused Michael the throat cancer? So far CZJ is yet to clarify her health-status regarding HPV and if she turns out to also be as clean as a wind driven snow, then Michael Douglas has some explaining to do regarding his marital fidelity; except however he is like Bill Clinton who never considered ORAL a form of sex and therefore did not CHEAT on his wife or wives? 

Be that as it may, whether or not Michael Douglas cheated on his women is their private matter and Icheoku will pivot now to discuss the most important issue triggered by Michael's unguarded moment disclosure; except of course it is yet another Hollywood attempt to spotlight the issue of HPV just like Michael Johnson did with his HIV-positive disclosure over twenty years ago only to turn into a billionaire business mogul with no apparent signs of the debilitating disease ever manifesting? Whatever be the case, two things sprang up from what Michael said:- one, Michael Douglas is like any other Joe walking out there who in attempt to please his woman or women's libido, goes down on her or them; admitted that many a men have confessed they reluctantly clean the chimney just to satiate their women's craving and not because they particularly like the smell or taste of the human sushi down there. The other issue raised is that such practice causes affliction of cancer of the throat or should Icheoku rather say of the mouth and tongue and lips? Otherwise why would the HPV leave the primary contact of lips, tongue and mouth and travel to the oesophagus to cause damage if indeed cunnilingus is to blame according to Michael Douglas? 

Now the million dollar question is why all of a sudden, an act as old as sex and other known human copulation has become toxic; or was the finding a result of very recent scientific evidence or what? Cunnilingus predates civilization and there is no known annals of victims who died from afflictions therefrom. So why would it now suddenly morph into somewhat hazardous act that will kill the giver but not the receiver? Icheoku does not know the answer but suffices it to say that with or without Michael Douglas' alarm, going downtown has come to stay and no amount of fire in the theater alarms would end this practice. Moreso those recipients daughters of Eve will rise up in arms against all the Michael Douglas(es) of this world to demand a retraction and query how dare they try to throw a damper on what pleases their sexual fantasy most. Icheoku will not also be surprised if the alarm was fixed to make HPV vaccine manufacturers please Wall Street better by offloading their warehouses and pharmacy counters of their products? 

Whatever be the case and whenever and however the latest controversy is finally resolved, who knows if is this alarm was possibly a conspiracy by chauvinistic males who are tired of their ever demanding female partners to please them sexually and decided to do something to stem the tide by providing medical reason to end the involuntary OBGY oral examination? Icheoku says Michael Douglas has surely stirred a controversy that would occupy the national discourse for quite sometime. Serving as the devil's advocate, Icheoku asks, could the women of Michael Douglas maintain an action in slander against him for insinuating that they are infected with HPV and in any other event, force him to disclose the recipient of his oral services, who was the carrier, from whom he contracted his throat cancer? But the good news is that everybody is going to die of something, someday; and if giving oral delights you and you thereafter die from it, so what? Moreso since HPV is so random that "anytime you have a sexual experience with another person, an intimate experience, there is possibility that you will get the virus" says Dr Hutchinson; so whats the ruse and hullabaloo about cunnilingus is going to kill you? Icheoku says, Michael, please don't be a Grinch that stole Christmas for women in the sac. Lastly, when the latest health-scare dust finally settles down, one thing will never go away and it is that cunnilingus now has a new face in Michael Douglas; just the same way HIV/AIDS is personified in the other Michael, Michael Johnson.

CHINUA ACHEBE BURIED, REST IN PEACE.

 

Icheoku says Professor Chinua Achebe's progression into eternity is now complete with his burial at his ancestral home in Ogidi Anambra State on May 23, 2013. The burial was well attended with Presidents Jonathan of Nigeria and his Ghana counterpart in attendance among other dignitaries. However Nobel Laureate Wole Soyinka was conspicuously absent at the burial of a fellow literary giant leading Icheoku to query whether it is the Yoruba unforgiving propensity that conspired to force Soyinka to stay out the burial; possibly because Achebe called out their Papa Awolowo on the role he played during the Biafran genocide supervised by Yakubu Gowon in his last work "There was a country." 

Icheoku says whatever be the case, Professor Chinualumogu Achebe was uneventfully buried and what he said about and concerning Awolowo remains a truism; and as far as Icheoku is concerned, the Yoruba antagonists can stuff their anger in their you know what for crying out loud. What kind of people holds grudge against the dead simply because he memorialized the truth about the role played by their tribal lord Obafemi Awolowo during the conspiratorial Biafran genocidal war? Icheoku was around during the war, Icheoku read the book and adds that Achebe was even too respectful in what he said about Awolowo as Icheoku could have done worse were places traded. 

"There was a country" is a good book and every Nigeria should read it for an insight into what went awry and spoiled the country that once was - NIGERIA. Icheoku had an opportunity to take it to one so called Egbe Oduduwa in Diaspora legal adviser who mistook the "country" that once was for Biafra instead of Nigeria. Anyway, Icheoku says adieu Prof and thank you for the good fight.

STATE OF EMERGENCY, JONATHAN FINALLY FINDS HIS MISSING BALLS.

Icheoku says it is an action which time had since come and become long overdue and hereby congratulates President Jonathan for stepping up to the plate to do what is necessarily required of him as the chief custodian of security in the country. The unabating, metastasizing insecurity in the land does no one any good including those in the sidelines currently cheering the mayhem being visited upon the land just because Jonathan is the president, admitted he has not come to judgment. 

As with all revolutions, it is pregnant and no one knows the dimension it might eventually snowball into if left unchecked. If it is Jonathan today it might be a Haruna tomorrow and Okoronkwo the day after tomorrow or another Olayinka with other sections providing the cannon fodder for anarchy. Be that as it may, Icheoku hopes the president will allow the security forces do what is needed to get their job done and if it means shooting some people, so be it; if it means rendering to waste some neighborhoods, so be it; if it means going up against some very high-ups, let such action be welcomed provided normalcy is restored in such stricken and handicapped neighborhoods or states of the Nigerian federation. 

Like the president said and Icheoku concurs, "every Nigerian has a duty to stand firm against those who threaten the sovereign integrity of the Nigerian state; and every Nigerians' will should be strong because Nigerians' faith lies in the indivisibility of the Nigerian state." Biafra was shot down under this guise and Nigerians must now ensure that the same tenet that applied then applies today and not allow any part of the geographical entity to unravel the contraption. Icheoku says 'way to go President "I now give a damn" Jonathan.'

ABATI'S ODE TO JONATHAN, A RESPONSE.

"Yes, great minds like Abraham Lincoln, Mahtama Ghandi, Martin Luther King and Kwame Nkrumah made the world easier. Yet whatever they achieved was with plainness of approach, honesty and integrity. They were not attained with dourness and stupidity. They came out of a vibrant methodology and pragmatic visions. Jonathan lacks these qualities. Comparing the man Jonathan to these great minds is illusory and vain." - Dr Olusegun Fakoya