Icheoku says her argument seems to make sense, reasonably made sense and was indeed still making sense till date until very recently, when the world was woken up to married same-sex gay couples also queuing up for divorce. This development automatically defeats the time worn argument that women and men in marriage do not necessarily get along due to their gender differences. The argument being that it takes a woman to understand what a woman needs and also that it takes a man to understand what a man needs. Icheoku says does anybody actually understand what another person really needs or wants out of any given situation? Query, were this sex differences the primary underlying reason, what other explanation then exists why same sex married lesbians and/or gays ultimately now find themselves in divorce courts too? Conclusion, the devil is not in the couples but in the coupling; hence parties getting along for so long begin to experience serious problems the moment they say the almighty "I do" to one another.
Icheoku says it is the obligation of marriage, the fact that one is now somewhat yoked in the same fate with another person which triggers the turmoil that inevitably leads to divorce. So can a society, desirous of maintaining harmonious co-existence of its citizens, simply do away with the officialdom of marriage and permit two consenting adults to just live their lives as partners with full co-habitation rights but devoid of the marriage insignia. This way, parties could live together, sire and parent children together if they want, but are relieved of the weighty obligations of being married. Icheoku once met this lady who was in a relationship with this guy for close to seventeen years. Then believing that they have known each other quite well and nothing to loose any longer, decided to tie the knot; but the tied knot survived only six months before they headed to divorce court. Icheoku also met a couple who decided from the get go to be just live-ins, remain monogamous and no children. They are nineteen years and still counting, this 2015, into a fabulous relationship.
So would it be that people were never meant to be married, because as human beings, people have their respective individuality which often proves extremely difficult to weave into a seamless relationship? This individuality which started from the womb ensures that even Siamese twins, triplets, quadruplets or whatever other number of fetus-pairing possible, were all conceived in their own respective amniotic sacs. Icheoku says is it possible that this exclusivity continued with one's life, thus making it near impossible to spend one's entire life with another without bickerings? Except of course where one party to the marriage decides to play the possum while the other party lords it all over the manor; in which case some semblance of bliss will exists, but at whose expense anyway?
Icheoku once interviewed a 67 year old woman who has been married to the same man for 49 years plus who allegorized that most working marital relationship is akin to that relationship which exist between a dog and a dog owner, where one party makes all the decisions while the other party just obeys and complies, period. According to her, there is always an element of control, no matter how subtle, which is prevalent in any marriage. It is the struggle for this authority that often manifests as problems which then exacerbate to irreconcilable differences. Continuing, she said that the smart thing to do is for one party to quietly acquiesce in the authority of the other and for most part, because of the nature of women, they are often ceded the appearance of being in charge in order for peace to reign.
Icheoku does not know about you, but it is one heck of a big asking or demand to make of some men, especially the alpha man who do not know and will not understand how to reconcile what he knew growing up as a given against what a feminist society is otherwise dictating. But hey, it is a doorway nobody ever forced anyone to walk through and by the same token, every individual must make his or her determination as he or she sees fit and proper under every given circumstance. Unfortunately, there is not a one solution kit to solving marital difficulties and like one man observed, getting married is the easy part but staying married is the heavy lifting. Regrettably too, with due respect to Al Gore, there is 'no controlling legal authority' in the form of a book, which exists, on how to stay married. It is like raising a child which no school teaches any parent, once the baby is born, the parents will just go on loving him or her and the raising is miraculously accomplished. The same procedure is also applicable to marriage, couples just have to go on loving each other and working it to make it work.
Now you know, so when next time you get mad at him or her, please remember that you two are not the same person. Remember that you are with someone who is entirely different from you; who was raised differently from you and whose demons probably are totally and completely different from yours. Also remember that you are with someone who has a different prism with which he or she looks at things; but who is now sharing a space that ordinarily would have been yours and yours alone to occupy and enjoy. The solution, necessary accommodation and tolerance are required and in unconditional quantity and quality. That is the key, the proverbial magic wand and you have to selflessly do your own part, regardless.
However, if at the end of the day, you still feel or think that your marriage sucks specifically and that there is some Eldorado somewhere, please try your neighbor's or rather ask them politely. Marriage is a universal yoke, a one cap fits all societal adventure but without any prescribed one silver-bullet universal solution. It is a freedom encumbrancer and you must first decide whether it is worth losing it all, your freedom. Therefore, if you must, learn to tough it out or you will loose it straight out. With marriage, the grass is not greener anywhere, so learn to fertilize and water yours in order to achieve some acceptable level of greenness. But overall, it is a joyful thing if you are lucky to find more joy than pain therein, both weighted against all odds.