ICHEOKU says they did it, deservedly and rightly earned; the boys from Paris. ICHEOKU says congratulations.



ICHEOKU says he is coming with a clear-eyed view of what the United States of America constitution provides and will not legislate from the bench. ICHEOKU says definitely the right pick, so CONFIRM him now and right away and without any delay or much ado. Congratulation.


Lisa Page: “Trump is not ever going to become president, right? Right?!”

Peter Strzok: “No. No he’s not. We’ll stop it.”

ICHEOKU says if this is not corruption of the worst type, what else so qualifies? So sad the length these guys went to truncate the will of the American people; yet they will turn around and accuse other countries of corruption and you wonder is it only when money exchanges hands that there is corruption. Pitifully SAD.


“The only obstruction President Trump committed was in obstructing Queen Crooked Hillary Clinton from the White House.” - Jesse Watters, Watters World.


“The United States no longer makes empty threats. When I make promises, I keep them.” - President Donald John Trump.

ICHEOKU says exactly why he is now fondly nicknamed the Promise Keeper and he keeps his promises, one promise at a time.


America will not be held hostage to nuclear blackmail. We will not allow American cities to be threatened with destruction. And we will not allow a regime that chants “Death to America” to gain access to the most deadly weapons on Earth." - President Donald John Trump.


ICHEOKU says what does the Deep State have on AG Jeff Sessions that has purchased his quiet and inaction over the excesses of the Russian Collusion witch hunt? Something definitely does not look right and apparently seems awry that the Attorney General appears so constricted to do anything to bring the never ending "investigation" to a conclusion. How much longer will the American people wait to have the matter concluded and what will it take. As a member of Team MAGA, from the basket of deplorables, who defended him when the president was threatening to fire him, ICHEOKU is not particularly satisfied with the "playing it safe" attitude which Jeff has adopted thus far and urge him to find any possible way to make the investigators finish their job immediately and without any further delay.


ICHEOKU says he has all it takes to turn Nigeria around and Make Nigeria Great Again. He is highly cerebral; he is well traveled and is highly exposed internationally; he is a doer with a can-do spirit and attitude which translates to impossible is nothing as it does not exists in his dictionary; he is fully accomplished person who turned around the nearly moribund behemoth UBA and created thousands of jobs both in Nigeria and overseas; and above all, he is youthful and has age on his side and you ask yourself, what else is anyone looking for in a leader for Nigeria that is on bended knees and begging for leadership other than a man with his proven record. If he can do this in the private sector, he can also mission accomplish such in the public sector and resuscitate a Nigeria that is in distress. CHEOKU is emphatic that Tony Elumelu is a highly qualified, fit and proper person to lead Nigeria out of its present woods of near comatose and under performing achievements. Lets go to work Nigerians and make his candidature both viable and achievable. We can do this fellas; so lets urge Tony to run, run Tony run and together lets Make Nigeria Great Again. If Trump can do it, so can Tony.


"If the Syria regime uses this poisonous gas again on its people, it will be bombed again. The United States of America is locked and loaded. When our president draws a redline, our president enforces the redline." - Nikki Haley, United States of America Ambassador to the United Nations.



ICHEOKU says Russia's Vladimir Putin has one good opportunity to finally move back into the comity of civilized nations and stop his despotic mentality which always sees him flocking amidst his fellow dictators. But if he choses to remain in the cold and remain in Kremlin where he has been holed in since 1999, too bad. His too long stay in power is only damaging Russia but not helping it; and gradually turning Russia into a third world country where only one man dictates what goes on in the country. Putin, change your ways; let true democracy reign in Russia. Salute



ICHEOKU says you cannot get a more American American and he is a hardcore America First nationalist as they come. President Donald John Trump's pick to succeeded fired National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster is the real deal. He is a hard-nosed American First protagonist, who does not shy away from projecting America's power through strength and who is not afraid to have America go it alone if need be. ICHEOKU says hopefully the president has found the very person who will help him achieve and implement his policy objectives in John Bolton. But as far as MAGA and AF agendas are concerned, Ambassador John Bolton is one heck of a good pick and a right fit for the job. He will help President Donald John Trump with doing his job for the American people. ICHEOKU says congratulations to the Mustachioed One. Let the governance of MAGA now really begin.



ICHEOKU says they pretend to be guardians of free speech but wants to tele-guide other peoples thinking by limiting what they can freely say; especially if you are a conservative and holds opinions which are favorable of President Donald John Trump and critical of Queen Crooked Hillary Clinton. Unfortunately, they will not succeed but can only force people to opt out of the live wasting exercise of gluing one's eyeballs to the platform. An exercise which does not add anything of value to users, nor pays them anything for helping them bring more eyeballs to the portal. Instead of being grateful that people are helping them bilk advertisers of billions of dollars with their riveted eyeballs, they now want to micromanage everyone's thought as if they are doing one a favor by letting them waste their time using Facebook. ICHEOKU says will not be cowered nor intimidated; they can block ICHEOKU all the heck they want but ICHEOKU will not bow to Facebook's attempt to control ICHEOKU's thoughts and would rather permanently part ways with the Mark Zuckerberg globalist weapon of mass control than kowtow to a group thinking. To hell with this attempt to exact undue control and turn everyone into a herd mind.


"There is no allegation in this indictment that any American was a knowing participant in this illegal activity. There is also no allegation in the indictment that the charged conduct altered the outcome of the 2016 election." - Rod Rosenstein, Deputy Attorney General of the United States of America.

ICHEOKU says this determination, for every intent and purpose, now lays to rest the "Collusion with the Russians" hogwash; as nobody can be guilty of an offense which requires awareness to ground when he or she is not aware of it. Collusion is a conspiracy and requires a proactive participation coupled with a guilty knowledge to bring about the purpose of the conspiracy. Therefore, when will the Special Counsel address the nation and tell Americans that there is no there, there, in the Russian Collusion investigation and save America further bleeding both in resources, time and unity. Enough of the sore loser antics of the Democratic Party which does not know how to take a loss and learn to work to fix what went wrong, instead of continuously pointing a finger at a mirage that is the Russian Collusion, in its bid to find something to blame for its ineptitude that led to the epochal loss of November 8th, 2016.


"POTUS WANTS TO KNOW EVERYTHING WE ARE DOING." - Lisa Page to boyfriend Peter Strzok, two FBI officials.

ICHEOKU says the POTUS then was President Barack Hussein Obama, who had previously denied and lied to the American people that he does not dabble into any FBI's investigative matter. Really?



"Americans fill the world with art and music. They push the bounds of science and discovery. And they forever remind us of what we should never ever forget: The people dreamed this country. The people built this country. And it's the people who are making America great again. As long as we are proud of who we are, and what we are fighting for, there is nothing we cannot achieve. As long as we have confidence in our values, faith in our citizens, and trust in our God, we will not fail. Our families will thrive. Our people will prosper. And our Nation will forever be safe and strong and proud and mighty and free." - President Donald John Trump.


ICHEOKU says congratulations to President Donald John Trump for successfully steering America's ship of States for a full year. What the naysayers said will not happen is a reality which they are finding extremely difficult to live with. But their preferences notwithstanding, Make America Great Again is on course and nobody will torpedo it. Once again, congratulations to the leader of Team MAGA on the anniversary of his being sworn in as the 45th POTUS.


ICHEOKU says following an examination of so many nominated individuals, we have determined that this year 2017's man of the year is President Donald John Trump, the 45th President of the United States of America. He came into office shooting on both hips and as the year draws to an end, his both guns are still firing and smoking. For standing up to the world and starring down American detractors and being the cheerleader and champion in chief of America, the leader of Team Make America Great Again has earned ICHEOKU's man of the year award 2017. Congratulations to President Donald John Trump.


ICHEOKU says a wisdom of Solomon come to judgment; it is about time the child is given to the rightful mother. Salute to the courage of President Donald John Trump.


"Together with our allies, America's warriors are prepared to defend our nation using the full range of our unmatched capabilities. No one — no dictator, no regime and no nation — should underestimate, ever, American resolve."



ICHEOKU says Queen Crooked Hillary Clinton was caught pants down colluding with the Russians and she has been trying so hard to pull the wool over the eyes of American people over whodunnit. What a lying, contriving, manipulative woman she is, who lies so easily that you wonder whether truth actually exists in her lexicon. Pitiful.



ICHEOKU says finally the circle is about being completed and American people and the world at large will come to know who in fact did the collusion. Queen Crooked Hillary Clinton and the Democratic National Congress paid Fusion GPS to produce the fake Russian dossier which former CIA chief James Clapper said was the basis for the Trump investigation. Yet, the investigation is still ongoing, despite the now established fact that the basis of it was a manufactured phony. But hey, we shall see.

ICHEOKU says still wondering WHAT HAPPENED and the reason 33,000 emails were deleted and bleach washed? Hopefully American people will soon confirm their suspicion that those shouting themselves hoax with Russian Collusion might indeed be the ones who actually colluded with the Russians. So much for the Russian Reset button. Queen Crooked Hillary Clinton, simply too crooked.



ICHEOKU says another lucky one that survived the abortionist's pincers from the over 360,000 unlucky ones that get flushed out each year. May God help us all have a better resolution about unwanted pregnancies.


ICHEOKU says from being disrespectful to the flag to being unappreciative of the services of the military to overall being anti America; NFL players must learn to check their political activism outside the stadiums. They must not kneel on our dime. ICHEOKU supports the president 1000% on this and hereby calls on every player to respect the sensibilities of the many differently opined fans who paid to watch a game and not to be made mad by their personal political agenda.


“The United States Government is strongly committed to Nigeria’s unity. Important political and economic issues affecting the Nigerian people, such as the allocation of resources, are worthwhile topics for respectful debate in a democracy. Within the context of unity, we encourage all Nigerians to support a de-escalation of tensions and peaceful resolution of grievances. The Indigenous People of Biafra is not a terrorist organization under US law.” - Russell Brooks, United States of America.



"When you lose to somebody who has a 40 percent popularity, you don’t blame other things — Comey, Russia — you blame yourself. So what did we do wrong? People didn’t know what we stood for, just that we were against Trump. And still believe that." - Senator Charles Schumer, Senior Senator from the State of New York and Democratic Minority Leader in the Senate. ICHEOKU says the statement spoke volume and it spoke for itself. Finally it seems the Democrats have finally turned the corner and are now ready to face up to their abysmal performance in the last presidential election by acknowledging that the American people indeed choose Trump over their Hillary Clinton. Thankfully, they will also now rest their "Russians Did It" cockamamie and find a message they can present to the people and for the good of the country.. Time to move the process forward is now as American people did not buy into the crap of a Russian collusion which they tried unsuccessfully to sell to them.


"North Korea best not make any more threats to the United States. They will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen. As I said, they will be met with the fire and fury and, frankly, power." - President Donald John Trump. ICHEOKU says the Michelin Tire midget at Pyongyang is definitely courting trouble and messing with the wrong man. He probably thinks Barack Obama the redline president is still in office; but unbeknownst to him there is a new sheriff in town and his name is Donald John Trump and he does not mess around. Hopefully China can rein in the little man before he commits mass suicide with his North Korean people.



ICHEOKU says once again the diminutive midget of Pyongyang has been advised to heed the resolution of the United Nations firm stand against his continuing provocations; and that the total wiping out of his North Korea is now an option should he force the hands of the United States of American military. In a statement by the Defense Secretary Jim Maddog Mattis over its latest nuclear test, the secretary said “Our commitment among the allies are ironclad. Any threat to the United States or its territories, including Guam, or our allies will be met with a massive military response, a response both effective and overwhelming. We are not looking to the total annihilation of a country, namely North Korea, but as I said, we have many options to do so.” ICHEOKU says does not really know the joker that guy has, but whatever it is will likely very soon be forced out. The world including ICHEOKU is waiting and watching.


ICHEOKU says the time has come and the time is now for the Indigenous Peoples of Biafra to be allowed to choose their self governance and exit from Nigeria going forward.. A referendum on the future of Biafra is a legitimate demand of the people and it is their right to so do. The people of the Nation of Biafra want to go their own way because of the hostilities from other member nations of Nigeria. Let the United Nations order a referendum and let the people decide their own Biafraexit.


"There can be no coexistence with this violence. There can be no tolerating it, no accepting it, no excusing it, and no ignoring it. Every time a terrorist murders an innocent person and falsely invokes the name of God, it should be an insult to every person of faith. Terrorists do not worship God; they worship death. If we do not act against this organized terror, then we know what will happen and what will be the end result. Terrorism's devastation of life will continue to spread, peaceful societies will become engulfed by violence, and the futures of many generations will be sadly squandered. If we do not stand in uniform condemnation of this killing, then not only will we be judged by our people, not only will we be judged by history, but we will be judged by God." - President Donald John Trump.


ICHEOKU says it is worth fighting for, self determination and it is not a crime for a people to aspire for self governance. Indigenous Peoples of Biafra are marching forward and hopefully they will soon get to the promised land. Viva Biafra.

"When two raging fires meet together, they do consume the thing that feeds their fury. Though little fire grows great with little wind, yet extreme gusts do blow out fire." - William Shakespeare, The Taming of the Shrew


“I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world. In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success. However, aside from work, I have little joy. Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me. God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth. Memories precipitated by love is the only true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on. The most expensive bed in the world is the sick bed. You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear sickness for you. Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – Life. Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends. Treat yourself well. Cherish others.” - SJ


"The threat of evil is ever present. We can contain it as long as we stay vigilant, but it can never truly be destroyed. - Lorraine Warren (Annabelle, the movie)


“I’m not that interested in material things. As long as I find a good bed that I can sleep in, that’s enough.” - Nicolas Berggruem, the homeless billionaire.

Thursday, July 3, 2008


Warning: some of the images here might be too graphic for your psyche; proceed with caution!
Have you ever seen the face of a wife killer? Have you ever met anyone who took the life of the mother of his children? Have you ever seen or met such a person who is a Nigerian? How spooky it is indeed that such a person has the blood of another human being and a Nigerian for that matter, drooling over his hands! Such a hallowing experience becomes much creepier, when that monster who took the life of a Nigerian is also a fellow Nigerian whom you may have interacted with somehow. somewhat! Now buckle up your belt as Icheoku takes you on a harried excursion through the faces, names and somewhat biographies of some of these denigrate of society! They are painting the average Joe-Nigerian man in American as a domestic violent person; a potential wife killer! A bad name indeed, really? They are the worst of the Nigerian male society in America: the dregs of the society! They are the fabled black-sheep who have defiled and violated the sanctity of the Nigerian family cohesiveness. These men killed their WIVES! They made their children motherless! It is abominable! Brace yourself!

Now, meet denigrate person wife-killer number one, Mr. Kelechi Charles Emeruwa:-
A Nigerian Mr. Kelechi Charles Emeruwa, (pictured here right) 41 of Old Umuahia, Abia State was charged and convicted with first degree murder of his estranged wife, 36 year old Registered Nurse, Chidiebere Omenihu Ochulo. Kelechi finally lost it and stabbed his wife, with her own kitchen knife, several times that the fountain left on Julius Ceaser fades in comparison, until she gave up the ghost. "According to the account, Chidiebere had just returned from Nigeria where she bolted away for three weeks to give her late father a lavish burial despite protestations of Mr. Kelechi of the bills that are accruing and payable here in America. She wouldn’t hear any of it, after-all she makes the money; only to return to an angry frustrated maniacal husband who took her kitchen knife and carved her up. It was on New Year’s Day, in her townhouse in the 4200 block of Dunwood Terrace, in the Washington DC suburb of Burtonsville in Montgomery County, Maryland.
For a little biography, Chidiebere was born on June 1, 1970 and attended schools in Umuahia and Yola before proceeding to University of Nigeria Nsukka where she bagged a degree in Microbiology. She then got married to Kelechi in 1996 and left for the US the same year, having won the American Visa lottery. In an effort to really settle down in the US and get a respectable job, she took a second degree in Nursing and began a career at Washington Hospital Centre. As a result of her hard work, she got to the peak of the administrative cadre as a Deputy Director, Clinical Services, at the Centre where she remained until her death in the cold hands of the man she once loved - the father of her three children.
In Tennessee, a Nigerian man after taking it for so long, lost his cool and shot his Registered Nurse wife as well as his hitherto mother in-law to death with a shot gun. According to the account this RN wife was married from Nigeria a pauper and brought to the United States by this man, who trained her in school as a registered nurse. Soon after her qualification, the demon in her was let loose and it became one torment after another, with one police call after another followed by sleep-over in police cells and it went on and on ad infinitum. After a protracted battle with the authorities at the wife’s instigation, this man lost his almost nearly paid-off home to his wife, including the custody of his three kids by her. He sees these kids just periodically according to court’s order and at the discretionary behest of the wife who sometimes comes to the appointed custody visitation ground at a time of her choosing; just to punish and suffer this man. He could not take it any longer and now the rest is history with two women shot dead and the killer in death row awaiting the electric chair.

Another lunatic fringed monster, Mr. Theophilus Ojukwu has equally entered the annals of Nigerian men wife-killers in the United States of America! This cancer of wife killing by Nigerian husbands is fast spreading that the Nigerian society is getting numb and used to it, as one of the social maladies of our times. A heinous act which hitherto would be very abominable that people are shocked to their bone marrows is today seen as a possibility. In Garland, Texas on Saturday, March 25, 2007 Mr.Theophilus Ojukwu, (pictured right in his orange prison jumpsuit) 46, of Enugwu-Agu, Ihe in Awgu LGA, Enugu State used a mattock (hammer) to bludgeon his deeply asleep RN wife, Melvina Ojukwu, 36, of Umuanebe, also of Ihe, Awgu LGA, Enugu State to a very painful agonizing death.
Sources close to the family said that about two years ago, Melvina’s mother and mother in-law of Theophilus, who was visiting from Nigeria tragically died in a mysterious circumstance, in a bathtub in their house at 5400 block of Barcelona Drive, Garland Texas; this is where Melvina also met her untimely and heartbreaking death. Whether this is a chain of events is inconclusive but both situations were very tragic! Mr Theophilus Ojukwu has since been sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole; that one would ask, is the craze to control the RN’s “legendary money-faucet” enough for this tragedy and the life imprisonment consequence thereof?

In another family-related violent incident involving a Nigerian, it was reported in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution of March 8, 2006 that a Registered Nurse Roseline Unachukwu, 34, and her six children were taken to the family violence shelter, Northwest YWCA in Marietta, Georgia, a suburb of Atlanta, as a result of physical violence. According to people with knowledge of the incident, the poor lady escaped with her life from her husband’s maniacal rage with very severe cuts in her arms which she received while fending off her husband's killer-rage. Her husband, Benjamin Unachukwu from Nnewi, Anambra State, was taken to jail to face two criminal charges with the kitchen-knife weapon of choice as evidence exhibit!
In Los Angeles California it was reported that a Nigerian RN wife was brutally murdered by her husband. The viciousness of the attack was such that the man eventually tied the dead body of his wife to his truck and dragged her dead body through the roads and streets of Southern California until her skull gave up its cranial contents. He was eventually arrested, charged, tried and convicted for first degree murder with special circumstance which carries the death penalty! He is presently awaiting a date with the lethal injection in a cold segregated death-row prison cell!

Only recently, one Nigeria RN woman living in Dallas Texas had this to write on the Internet about her fellow estranged Nigerian husband:-
“I have been married to Mr. X (real name excluded by Icheoku as we do not want to be a purveyor of this domestic madness) for 20years, and had five children for him. I was married to him at the age of 18years, and joined him in Dallas from Nigeria after my high school. For those 20years of marriage which can pass for 20years of bondage and slavery, I have had to endure constant physical abuse, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse and mental torture in the hands of Mr. X. I am asking whosoever that reads my story to please send it out to as many forums as they have access to. Silence they say is golden. But if you are dealing with a mad, sad, disgruntled man like Benjamin X, silence will no longer be golden”.
And what could have driven a Nigerian wife to write such an unflattering “oration” about her husband, one would ask? The answer depends on who you ask. Is this couple close to the finish line?
Similarly, in Grand Prairie, Dallas, Texas, Mrs. Monireti Abeni Akeredolu, (pictured below in her wedding with her killer-husband) a 46-year old Registered Nurse from Ondo State Nigeria met her untimely death in the hands of her estranged husband, Mr. Ebenezer Akeredolu, Sr., 48. According to the story, Mr. Akeredolu drove several hundred miles from Georgia (where he had moved to nurse his pains at loosing everything he had worked so hard for since coming to the United States several decades ago) to Dallas and pumped several bullets into his ex-wife in day light, with so many people watching the macabre spectacle. Mrs. Monireti died slumped in the wheels of her SUV enroute to a birthday party in her honor – she had just turned 46 a day before on September 7, 2005.

Not too long ago, also, on August 10, 2005 in Euless, a suburb of Dallas, another frustrated Nigerian husband, 45-year old Johnny Omorogieva from Edo State, Nigeria murdered his RN wife, Mrs. Isatu Omorogieva, 35, also of Edo State by savagely striking her on the head numerous times with a hammer in the full view of their 7-year old screaming daughter.

In Tulsa, Oklahoma a yet to be fully authenticated report has it that another Nigerian man recently bludgeoned his RN wife to death while she was fast asleep; following a traumatic life which she has subjected him to since turning into the majority bread winner of the family following her graduating from a nursing program.
Another Nigerian nut-case, Mr. John Onwuka (pictured here right in his orange prison jumpsuit) 49, from Akwete community of Ohafia Bende Local Government Area of Abia State was charged with one count each of homicide and use of a knife in the commission of a felony. He stabbed his RN wife of twenty five years, Mrs Gloria Uchechi Anya Onwuka age 42, fourteen times in her bedroom while she was getting ready to go to work. She was a nurse manager. Mr. John Onwuka committed this crime on the night of Saturday August 19, 2006 at the home of his wife in Estate Drive, Farmington, Hampton, Virginia with her children watching him act out his gory insanity.

"Yes I have killed the woman that messed my life up! A woman that had destroyed me. I am at Shalom West, my name is Michael and am all yours". With those words - a 911 call placed to the authorities, another Nigeria man has joined the infamous heinous club of Nigerian Men Wife Killers. Fifty year old Mr. Michael Collins Iheme (pictured here left) of Hennepin Minnesota placed the call above few minutes after shooting his twenty eight year old wife, Mrs. Anthonia Eberechi iheme, the mother of his 4 year old boy and 3 year old girl, to death. What is wrong with this crazed out Nigeria man was that he lacked the stomach to take all the bullshit he was forced to take by a typical Nigerian "Nurse" wife. However in as much as Icheoku does not condone such misbehaviour of taking the life of another, these Nigeria men who marry "fedexed" wives should better watch it as what they bargained for might not necessarily always come to fruition. There is no need travelling to Africa to find a wife - if it is akaata, filpino. latina mamacita, oke-bekee or even chinese that loves you, please settle down with such a person. Your love for foofoo and egusi soup is not enough to trade your happiness and possibly freedom when they make you do the unthinkable like our Mr. Micahel Collins Iheme and crew.
It has happened again! Another Nigerian lunatic kills his wife. Mr LeKan Fawmi, pictured here right in glasses, just received a 20 year prison sentence for killing his wife Ebonetess. The couple lived at Burcale Road, Conway, Horry County, South Carolina. His weapon of choice, a kitchen knife with which he stabbed his wife, mother of his one year old son, fifteen times in the neck; left her to bleed to death in their residence before escaping to the bush where he was later caught.
For the records, it would appear that majority of these uxoricides occurred in Dallas, Texas! Leading to the question, whuz up Dallas? Is there any maniacal peculiarity with Nigerian men living in Dallas? Further, most of the victims were Registered Nurses which forces one to ask is the "war over the purse" of who controls this their "legendary treasure trove" enough reason to commit the most heinous of all crimes? Also the number of such homicides is rather astronomical judging the sanctity of life-environment from which majority of these homicidal maniacs come from back in Nigeria. Admitted, that it is dreadfully wrong and also a sacrilege for anyone to take the life of another, especially if that other was a spouse; but what could be the driving factor of this senseless exhibition of ravenous rage by some frustrated Nigerian men in the United States of America? This question is imperative because there are other more acceptable options available for getting out of a hellish marriage including just getting up and leaving; mutual separation; taking a second wife just like the Mormons of Texas, Utah and Nevada; becoming a bachelor once again; keeping a girl friend outside your so called matrimonial home or the penultimate divorce instead of committing the mother of all crimes - taking the life of another! Nothing is worth it! Does the underlying problem defy every solution imaginable? NO! Take a deep breath and consider other options including the almighty walking-out! Nothing is worth the trouble! Not all the diamonds in South Africa and/or gold in Fort Knox! The "mansion" which you are fighting for, you did not bring it with you to America? The SUV or Mercedes car that is making you to loose your head, the manufacturing plant in Stuttgart Germany has not yet closed shop! In your convoluted suspicion that your wife is sleeping around because she dresses well, ask yourself, where is the foundational trust of your relationship and at worst, were you the first man in her life? Did you break her virginity and why do you think it is either you with her or nobody at all, that you will rather have her dead than loose her to someone else? Have you also tried getting professional counseling or earnestly engaging your wife in an open discussion to find out what you may be doing wrong and make amends where necessary. Have you tried temporary separation for a cool-off period? At worst get an amicable divorce so that you guys can remain friends for the benefit of the children! Before you write that check which you cannot cash, please stop and ask yourself, before you met her did you not have any life? It is not worth it! Learn to move on; as around the next corner may be lurking your real wife of “Christian marriage who will really cherish and love you for who you are! Your wife's leaving you is not the end of the world as we know it! As the popular aphorism goes, "when one door closes another one is open down the road". Nothing is worth the taking of life and not that of a spouse who also is a Nigerian! PLEASE GET A LIFE!


Anonymous said...

This is interesting .. A lot of research .. Good work

Anonymous said...

Why is it that wife killers, so far are likely to be Igboman than any other Nigerian tribe? This goes to make a statement on conduct and character that drives the negative motive for deadly revenge. The common myth in Nigeria is that when an Igboman dies, shack a bag of money over his head, as litmus test to confirm he is really dead, otherwise if he wakes up, it comes as no surpirse; Hence the Igboman is acclaimed as having more love for money than a living being. Although I believe the myth to be wrong, Igbos are giving up to the fallacy built on propaganda and vengance for baseless reasons. Igbos should collective address this problem, project the hardwork image we posses, and build solidarity in our communities to avert enemies that in the first place, wish us bad. We must admonish wrongdoers who often are ignored and embrance positive nepotism for mutual advancement. I hope we learn now before it is too late. God Help US All. Amen!

Anonymous said...

Igbo people work together to do what???
Really? How many Igbo people have you worked with? NO, not in your village, or town, or state but other Igbos in other states?! If you are an Igbo man like myself, then what you are proposing is just a heap of words. Is it the Igbo people in your tribe that will work together?

Man, people are blind. So you see all the "RN" in the story and you think it is the Igbo man because it is majority? LOL, all right keep blaming the Igbo man while all these RNs get killed.

My 2 cents:
1. If you want to make $60,000 annually (or $90,000 on hard overtime), then become an RN yourself. Don't go marry one to get to her money.

2. If you work 12 hour shifts more than 4 days in a week to make that RN salary, then be humble. Don't feel like you are now god and insult people.

3. I like this one: If you ever feel like your husband or wife will hurt you, then you need to BAIL, RUN, DODGE etc. Kid or no kids, you need to live your life and get out of the mess of a relationship.

Anonymous said...

This is insane. I blame the man that goes back home to marry a girl because she is a nurse. Why ? You can go to school to be a nurse yourself. Don't marry because you want the woman to be a money machine for u. It is not going to work. This is a lesson to everybody, especially men. Marry because of love not because of the love of money. Get yourself educated and God will bless you financially. For those that are not able to get any degree, be hardworking and don't be ashamed of your job. This is America where you can be anything you want to be. Land of opportunities.

uzo said...

Whether u're igbo, yoruba, hausa, white, yellow, green, brown, asian, whatever u r, a control freak is a control freak! Some men just can't handle the fact that their wives make more money than they do. Most of the men in these stories are mostly over 40 (with their old-school mentality that the dude MUST be the bread-winner). Sometimes there is an 'entitlement' mentality on the part of the males that because 'I brought u to America, I should control the purse!'Once u get married, it shd be a tag-team effort. Some women, however, derive joy in rubbing their new-found success in the man's face, forgetting their sometimes-not-so-rosy history. It doesn't make the situation any better. No matter the circumstance, I believe u shouldn't lay a finger on a woman and if u can't sort out ur differences, sort counselling (which again, is kinda foreign to us nigerians, especially the older generation, who may see it as a sign of weakness)before going down the road of divorce. Also, marrying from home is like a parcel; whatever u get is whatever u get and u may not have enough time to date to evaluate if it's the right decision for u. I guess the potential dollar sign from a nurse from Naija supecedes any love for some dudes, which means thy have to deal with the consequences that may arise. Now the fact it's not worked out for these barbarians in these stories (meen! just looking at their faces, I ain't surprised!)does not mean there are no imported marriages that haven't worked. Finally,it's very ignorant and myopic to claim it's a tribal issue. I could name someone in ur village if u gave me a tour, who can equally be a troglodyte like the guys in the story.

Affi said...

Wetin fit do make person mud anoda? I no sabi. If u mud am in self-defense, God dey. But 4 cold blood, chei! If u sabi say john wan kill u, make u run now, no go dance 4 im front think say im no go knive u. Broda, everyting wey dey shine, no be gold. If na so so nurse wey u wan because of money; see d pain wey dey involved? If na so she wan show body, no be to mud am, leave am, go find anoda woman. Abeg. Now, my people say as u talk am give the hawk, u go talk am give chicken: madam, if u sabi say u make money pass oga, and u no wan respect am again, no forget wey ya house dey. Na de same u bin dey respect am, call am "darling" before, wetin come enta ya head now? See ya face, as u wan turn tiger. My people say "when lizard loose im tail, e come tink say na im and toad be the same." If una respect una self, love una, compromise sometimes, e go work. No carry knife, cutlass or gun, or arrow abeg. If una no fit work am out, say bye bye, broda/ sista no vex. Make person no go standa in front of God with blood 4 im hand because of nonsense. God go bless una for me.

Anonymous said...

I divorced my wife because of her gregarious life style which l found to be a common trait with Nigerians in US. Why do you have to live like the Jones? Why spend money you have not earned? Nigerians need to remember that they are soujourners in the US.

Fresh Azimiz said...

Money-crazed promiscuous RN-Nigerian women drove these men above the handle. I wish I'd meet one of these cases in court seating in for a defendant. I am tired of our african women coming to the US, becoming RNs, and acting like they had a deed to half the world.
While I do not condone killing any one of these hospital or Nursing home over-time and double shift addicts, it would be nice for some of these men to seek better employment on their part. After all, it is said that if you can't beat them, join them.
Thank you,
My $0.02.

Anonymous said...

Mr/Mrs Blogger,
Thanks for the stories. But I have an issue with your language. You try to impress too much. You are given to unnecessary grandiloquence and extravagance, infact, too pompous and bombastic a style. This makes your narrative too tedious and awkward. Adopt a much simpler style and fellas would enjoy it more. Thanks for the stories all the same.

Tukam said...


!!Estella!! said...

I want to feel sorry for the men and women, but it is hard for me to do so. Why?

because for one, most of these men leave fine, hardworking single girls here whoa re already used to the systema nd who have worked so hard to settle in America to rush to Nigeria to marry their 'chaste' belles (who end up being more 'rotten' and promiscous than the American Naija babe), what do they expect? Afterall, 99% of the time, the girl marrying the man from America just wants a chance to coem live in America.

2. The woman that uses a man to get to USA should still try to imbibe the Proverbs 31 role of a wife! BE A GOOD WIFE!!! So what you make the most money? That doesnt mean you should treat the man like shit!

I am wan to say that they deserve each other, but I just feel for the innocent children who end up in foster homes or/and get their lives messed up because of their parents' foolish choices!

Anonymous said...

@ last annon.. out of everything to pick out. You pick out style? LOL.

@ anon saying "women come to america to become RN and start talking anyhow". If she talks any how to you, you can go become RN too or better yet doctor. If you don like her, divorce her. Must you kill her.

I have to say Americans kill their wife too not just Nigerians. I'm not condoning it but I"m saying if you look at the stats of percentage that kill their wives per population. Americans are actually way higher. However, Nigerians (especially ibo men)abuse their wives a whole lot more.

And they wonder why we ibo girls love yoruba guys.

Miriam said...

I am very saddened by what some of us have become in this blood-sucking Western World. They dig a financial whole for ignorant people like us and once you fall in you can't get out. People are doing much better in Africa, these days. It time I move back home. To Mr. Tony, commenting on the style of presentation of this story makes me wary if you are not one of the killers out there who got away.

Anonymous said...

Ichoku, i want to thank u immensely for digging deep so as to get this painful and partetic strories along to pple. I am suprised at the behaviour of women.
Where is ur submission, love and care as a wife and mother?
Men where is the love that God commanded u to love ur wives?
Why must u take the life of ur fellow human being when u re not the giver of life?
What is our society turning to? All these happen because of quest for money,influence and power. Women should not be boss to their husbands but must be submissive.Men on the other hand must not take it for granted,rather they should appreciate it so it will not depreciate.
Because men have ;lost respect for humanity, respect and fear for God is a thing forgotten in d heart of men, that's why things like this are happening in d world.
God will deliver us sha. but it's painful.

My advice to men, dont marry and fold ur hands waiting for ur wife to work and be d bread winner. Women even if u re better plac financially, dont let it get into ur head. Still see ur self as d help-mate of ur husband. still remember the biblical injuction to be submissive to ur husbands. see it as a privilage to be richer than ur hubby not a right cos God can as well tur d table the other way. Even if he is d lazy type, talk it over with him and help him. He needs ur help nd he needs counsel from a neutral person other than u so that he does not see it as an insult.

Men and women in U.s espcially d RN pls heed to thius advice and know that the judgment of God is coming. Dont push ur hubby into doing evil, likewise men, dont push ur wives by relaxing nd waiting for them to work nd bring money home.
Think about the joy and d future of ur kids.
Make haste while sun shines.

It is well with u all


Anonymous said...

nobody has addressed the real issue behind this matter.
I can tell you for a fact that in-laws play a big role in dis-stabilizing many families. Most men especially those with very controlling mothers and sisters, who believe that the wives should be subdued and yet work so hard to make ends meet.This is usually worse when the man is the "opara". the man hes been told so many false stories and if the guy cannot read between the lines then he falls in to this kind of situation and looks like he is demeaned. It takes a wise man to put hateful words agaist his wife by his mother and sisters into proper context.
All the cases sited are girls that are educated from home and are not beggers in themselves. Anyone that works hard should enjoy the fruits of their labor with NO apology

Anonymous said...

The chickens coming home to roost, I don't care how much your imported wife pisses you off or is different from what you thought you were getting in the first place, YOU ARE NOT GOD. It is not her fault you are left behind driving a taxicab and calling your self "self employed". These idiots go home annually and act like they own America, how long do you think a jjc wife will take to see through that BS? The frustrating thing is that most of these idiots did get a degree but see no need to get a real they can continue to go home for a month every year which no real job here will allow you except you teach, women at home too need to beware...this could happen to you too if you marry just because you want to get here. More of these kinds of stories abound, we need to use this as a teaching tool.

Victim with a mission.... said...

I am a victim of domestic violence fact references have been made to these monsters by my husband as to how he’ll end my life. I’m not seeking sympathy because I choose to remain in my house for my children. I’ve been to shelter several times, but it is not easy to be there with your kids. I have been in and out of emergency rooms even though I married my college sweetheart whom I met while we were in Nigeria. The point is that it is not all about the fedexed wives (granted it is a major factor in this abomination) but I think that the reason why there are more Igbos involved in this is deep rooted in the "FUCKED UP" chauvinist culture that the Igbo tradition is built upon, where a woman is basically enslaved as soon as her dowry is paid. She has to work like a run- away slave to meet up to the financial demands of her "master oga". Trouble begins to brew the moment she tries to suggest her preferences as to how her hard earned cash should be spent...God forbid that she should ask how her money is being spent. Then it worsens the moment he understands she has brains too and knows her's all over for her from there. Our men and bullies around the world don't understand that the human mind can't remain suppressed for too some, suicide is a more pleasant alternative. 400 hundred years of trans-Atlantic slavery and then abolition...sure there are scars that hopefully will heal with time. I'm hoping that in time, maybe not in my lifetime, the Igbo culture, ideology and philosophy with regards to women will be revised if not more of these hideous stories will keep coming up...who knows if I'll be the next victim or the first female on your list to fight back...

Anonymous said...

Well i am american and I am currently in nursing school/pregnant and married to a Nigerian man. I was really shocked when this link was posted to a facebook site. Usually, we don't really here things like this about Nigerians. For Americans, this would not be out of the ordinary. I really can't comment on the dynamics of the relationship between nigerian women and men, because I know nothing about it. I can comment on the dynamics of my own relationship though. I feel that you enter relationships and marriages because of something you genuinely wnat to do, not because of what you hope to accomplish financially or socially. Many people are saying that Nigerian women are with their husbands, simply to get to the US and get rich as nurses. Some are also insinuating that they are somehow working too many hours (workaholics) and therefore be3ing neglectful intimately with their husbands. I feel that when someone has determined to pick a weapon and murder a mother, wife,child, is definately not totally about who is the bread winner and who is the one being used. I truly believe that these gentlemen had some sort of psychosis that was simply not diagnosed. Yes every one can be driven to anger, but the difference between those who are well and those who are sick is their ability to cope and balance this anger. Please son't put Nigerian men in a bucket, just like you are putting Nigerian women in a bucket. These are a selct few people who simply lost it. I do not believe this is some trend that is occurring.
Thank you Amanda

Anonymous said...

Interesting comments from victims and sympathizers.

I guess, we'll just be praying for all of them.

I just wonder, has there been any incident of a woman killing her Ibo husband? Just curious.....why is the statistics the men only?....

Anonymous said...

Men are different,some may say but one thing we should all know is that money has a strong spirit which changes people so easily especially the MEN.l wonder how one can depend on another's pay just in the name of marriage,no wonder women of nowadays prefer to be loneparent (which is good in a way)atleast you are scared of someone coming after you.
lgbos men are so filled with sence that lands them in problem all the time.their love for money is very high.
l am an lgbo lady and l know what am talking igbo is ready to so fustrate the wife to make her own,thereby pushing her into prostitution.
the believe that once they are married to you it includes your wealth,NO....NO....NO....,is not that way anymore especially for we that are educated and have embrace the western culture.
In dublin here we will rather kick you out of the house than putting our lives on line.
l advise that women who finds themselves in this can of mess should rise up and say enough is enough,l can't continue like this,marriage is not a do or die affair,this life is just once,l ve got to move on.
God will do they rest for you.l cant imagine living with an animal who uses me as a boxing tool.Left alone the gingolos who worships me cos of my money,is all rubbish.
LOVE ,the say is good but know who turly loves you for you not the money.
l advise the lgbo men to put away their believe and culture on women and marriage aspect for things to work out for them.LOVE YOUR WIFE NOT HER MONEY.GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU CHANGE HENCE FORT.

Tubobanimi Davies said...

Dear Moderator, I do not know if you are the writer of the posting titled - "Nigerian Men Wife Killers". If you are, then, I would appreciate it if you re-write the portion of your article concerning my sister - Ibiene Abili Emesibe and correct the wrong information therein. For all the different incidents you gave names but for your third story in Tennessee, you did not mention names. However, it is obvious that the said story is about my sister and my mum. It was an incident that even made headlines in the US and back here in Nigeria at the time. Your story is not true for so many reasons - My sister was not a Nigerian pauper that was taken to the USA by her husband. Neither did the said killer husband pay her school fees in the USA. There are so many holes I can pick in your story. I would like to take each line of your story and tear it to pieces but I do not want to trade issues with you. However, I would like to state the fact here that our father is a retired diplomat who in the course of his career travelled far and wide with his children including my deceased sister. Our father obtained the admission for my sister into Belmont college in Nashville and paid her school fees until she graduated. How did Charles pay her fees in school? When my sister decided to go to Nursing School it was to help her family out because at the time Charles had stopped working for years. How did he pay the mortgage on the house they bought when he stopped working since 1990? Did you check out with the court to know that Charles had visitation rights and met his children in the house while my sister vacated the house when he came to visit? It was this liberal action on my sister's part that enabled this vicious killer to plan how to enter my sister's house and kill them in cold blood. You tried to paint Charles Emesibe as innocent and my sister a demon. A man who could kill his wife and mother-in-law in the presence of their five children (NOT THREE CHILDREN AS WRITTEN IN YOUR STORY) is evil in every sense of the word. Loosing two people at one go because of a vicious murderer is quite painful. We are trying to live with the reality of it but we do not not want ANYONE to paint the wrong picture of the facts. My sister was not a demon as you painted her in your write-up. She was a naive woman, an obedient and battered wife, who believed her husband to a fault despite all she was told by family and friends. By the time she realised that she was living with a vicious stranger it was too late. Mr Moderator, are you on Charles Emesibe's payroll to facilitate a parole for him? For your information, Charles is not waiting on death row. He was given 51 years without parole. My family demands an apology from you. In addition, correct your story. A good writer always gets his facts right and confirms and re-confirms his/her story to avoid litigation. Your postings go all over the world. Regards,

Tubobanimi Davies (Mrs)

Anonymous said...

Dear Comrades,
I would like to correct some errors regarding the Nigerian Gentleman who shot his wife and mother inlaw to death in Tennessee in 2002.I happen to know all the parties involved very well .
Charles Emesibe shot his Wife Ibiene and his Mother inlaw to death and in the process he sustained a gunshot wound fired by his mother inlaw to his neck rendering him paralized.Ibiene (may her wonderful soul rest in peace) was the Daughter of a ACCA/CPA attached to the Foreign Affairs Ministry of Nigeria in actual fact her Father was an International Auditor for the Embassies.She had her BSc from Belmont College , Nashville Tn and she was educated by her Parents Illiteracy/semi illiteracy was not part of her .Charles Emesibe married her after her BSc.They had 4 children including a set of twins. 3 sons and 1 daughter and his motherinlaw was brought to live with them and help care for the 4 children,while she finished her 2nd career Nursing and he pursued his Legal Studies .America is a stressful society and somewhere along the line a break up occured and Charles Emesibe was put out of the house that he had paid for and had recently paid up in full .As part of the divorce settlement she got the house and this caused a lot of bitternes in Charles, especially when Ibienes extended Family moved in after Charles was evicted.The rest is History, very sad indeed.Charles graduated BSc in Business Administration from Tennessee State University,Nashville.He cme to the USA after serving in the Biafran Army as a Child Soldier .He was no Illiterate and he was pursuing Law studies while his wife was pursuing Nursing studies as a second career.His Mother Inlaw was a homely Nigerian woman who had the priviledge of living abroad by virtue of her husbands diplomatic position.She was no illiterate.
Please try and check facts on issues such as these especially when the title suggests that Nigerian Men are killing their wives?.We are 1 TO 2 MILLION strong Nigerians in America and with the stress and cultural changes in America, we will all agree that these stresses from entering the Matrimonial Causes/Child custody and support system can be loopsided in the American System to the Womans Advantage.Quite often some men cannot take being put through this "legal wringer", and snap. The thought of it all going in that direction pushes people to snap when thinking of it.This is where we need to Advocate for a settlement programme that is done out of court like is being done in some States, such as Indiana to reduce Lawyers costs, bitternes and allow traditional practices acceptable to all parties to come into place to achieve an amicable settlement without the high legal costs that do no one any good axcept the Lawyers....after all Charles 's and late Ibiene's Lawyres are back at their offices today.......Ibiene and her Mother are with us no more and the 4 children are Orphaned and scarred for life seeing their Mother and Grandmother killed by gunshots while they were at home; meanwhile their father languishes in Jail with a life sentence.We have Nigerian Social Workers and Marriage councellors and we should be able to set up OUT OF COURT SETTLEMENT PROGRAMMES FOR our feuding couples and their children, to Avoid all this acrimony and bitterness which is at the bottom of this wave of Bloodletting.
When you can put a face or faces to events such as these,you realize that it takes very minor things for people to snap and act out their animalistic tendencies.
Please note that matrimonial homicides are more than 10 times more common in the Carribean Community especially in the Islands.I worked there , so I know what I am saying.Please trust me on this.Nigerians are just prone to being given exagerated publicity.On the 3 islands of 200,000 people I lived on , this was a monthly occurence, and assumimg 2 million Nigerians, that will be about 10 incidents of domestic violence involving loss of life monthly.There wives hired assasins to kill husbands for infidelity and monetary gain and husbands killed wives and her child/children or commited murder suicide on a monthly basis to the extent that the society had become accostomed to hearing these things.For the sake of the tourist business these things were not publicized.
Please put these sensational stories in the true perspective so we all can learn from them.Charles and Ibiene were normal people like most of us on this forum......somethings went very wrong , someone snapped, 2 people died , one is a cripple in life_jail and 4 beautiful children are orphaned.

by john mabayoje

Anonymous said...

Femi Awodele Friday, September 19, 2008


here is a mass e-mail making the rounds among Africans in America, a smart person (I wish I know the person so he/she could be acknowledged), put all the homicide cases together with pictures. As one read through (and see the ugly pictures) a whole bunch of similarities immediately jump out to the reader - here is what I think.

I have devoted the last 7 years of my life to educating primarily African Marriages in western cultures (as you read this, I'm in Manchester, England for the same cause) with what I believe to be sound biblical principles regardless of location. I have written a book and many articles on how Africans view marriage based on prevalent religion and culture and how these views might work at home (in Africa) but would never work in a western country. The solutions I've suggested are strictly based on biblical principles and not a regions culture or religious believes (meaning western culture or believes).

In many articles (and in my book: Peculiar Conflicts) on this website, we've discussed the roles of the man and woman as seen by the African culture, we've discussed how an African man is taught to lead his home, we've discussed the transition for immigrants Africans - seem easy for women and tough for the man, we've discussed the better option - marrying an African woman abroad versus marrying a woman from Africa and finally, we've discussed the issue of finance, joint account and the tough subject of when the woman earn more.

Some Highlights (African Marriages)

Marital relationship between the man and woman is not a leader among equal but a superior to an inferior.
The payment of bride price suggests purchase in Africa, hence women are seen as a property, to be seen and not heard.
The role of the man is to only bring home the bacon (money), while the woman's role is to take care of the home, from the children to domestic issues.
An African man is taught to lead his home using his financial dominance and to keep her in place through physical or verbal abuse.
There is a perceived notion that African women abroad are loose and feisty, while women fresh from Africa are submissive and know how to treat a man.
Unscientific but abundance evidence show that African women, transition better in western countries than men.
Western countries laws, inadvertently strip the African man of what he has been taught, are his leadership tools. Finance dominance and physical beating (called domestic abuse in a Western country - #6 reason for female death in America).
Now let's see some of the common themes among the 9 men that murdered their wives

Kelechi 41 and Chidiebere 36 RN - Ereduwa (Washington DC)
Tennessee Man and RN wife
Theophilus 46 and Melvina 36 RN - Ojukwu (Garland, TX)
Benjamin and Rosaline 34 RN - Unachukwu RN (Marrietta, GA)
Ebenezer and Moni Akeredolu (Grand Praire, TX)
Johnny 45 and Isatu 35 RN - Omorogieva (Euless TX)
Tulsa OK man and RN wife
John 49 and Gloria 42 RN - Onwuka (Hampton VA)
Michael 50 and Antonia 28 RN - Iheme (Hennepin MN) Source: Mass E-mail
Comparing the above information with our beliefs of what a marriage is as Africans, we start to see what is going and mostly importantly, we can figure how to stop the trend and hopefully help many African couples going through a similar marriage situation at this time.

The money factor

The last two generation of men in Africa only know two ways of maintaining their leadership of the home, leadership is perceived to be between a superior and an inferior.

The above breakdown show men who choose to go back to Nigeria for a wife (much younger than them, so way inferior) and it just so happen that almost all the women are in the nursing profession (one of the most lucrative, little training profession in America). Depending on the region of America, a RN can make between $23-30/hour. This calls the motives of the men going to Africa to marry a nurse (or forcing a woman of another profession to do nursing) into question.

The next problems are these men's mentality or attitude, seeing a wife from income standpoint and not from love or compatibility view. This attitude comes out in how she is treated "just for the money"; unfortunately the money is spent on materialistic things such as a big house, cars, owambe parties and show off in Africa. It might take a while, but the woman soon kick against the man's lack of emotional empathy and aggressive treatment (physical abuse - normal back home) and start to take charge, not only of her life but her finances.

As the woman earn more money, most men don't know how to deal with a wife who earns more (it is seen as a challenge to their leadership), things become even more complicated when she flaunts her financial edge. The man then starts to treat her with contempt just to boost his leadership. The reaction of some women is also interesting, many of these RNs now start to say words that undermine the man, take shifts so they can earn more money and often get advice from "turkeys" who are up to no good (some even suggest adultery). We now have a cycle, until one of them snaps - either the marriage end in divorce or physical abuse leading to murder.

The abuse factor

I once spoke to a young man (younger than me) who physically abused his wife, and when we were sharing, his response bothered me because I thought anyone younger than me would not be caught in the culture of physically abusing one's wife as a form of authority.

Our conversation brought up an interesting issue - what is the definition of physical abuse? In Africa, slapping your wife is not considered an abuse, it is only when you beat her with a belt or whip, and even in such situations, the society ask the woman what she has done or did to deserve such a treatment? This is possible because she is seen as a property that was paid for at a big ceremony where her parents handed her over (some parents are now refusing bride price).

Another common trend in this group of men is that 8 of 9 are Ibo, while the last man is a Yoruba. In both the Igbo and Yoruba cultures, bride price payment is very important and it is especially steep in the Igbo traditions. An average Igbo man expends a lot of money to get married, between the bride price payment and the wedding ceremony, his life savings is gone. Hence, women are priced possessions.

I don't have a statistics on domestic abuse resulting in death in Nigeria or any country in Africa, but homicide based on domestic abuse happens on a daily basis, but there is no law to protect the abused (man or woman) and even if a law exist, it is not enforced. It will be interesting to know how many of you who read my articles, physically abuse your wives. I beg of you please STOP - there are other ways to earn her respect, just like Christ earned yours without abusing you.

Stopping the madness

Most of the men in the above story, miscalculated or misjudged women, thinking getting a woman from Africa is better than a woman that has lived in a western country (geography does not define a woman's character, her heart does). The rationale behind such thinking is that a fresh face from Africa will still love a man the way it is done in Africa, cook, clean, bear children, say yes sir and submit her check every week. When abused she does not say anything but accepts her lot. Unfortunately, they forget that the same woman will exist under western laws and interact with western people when she comes abroad, and it's a matter of time before she figure out that what is normal back home is called abuse abroad.

There is also a lesson here for women still in Africa, who are in nursing schools (or whatever school) and are receiving proposal from a guy who has been in America for years and cannot mention one major achievement or whose story about his life abroad is sounding to good to be true. Parents need to not get carried away with letting their daughters go abroad, that they don't check the man's background (education, job, church etc). Once she is married, your role changes, but you can voice your opinion strongly before she gets married.

The biggest change that needs to happen is in our mindset, a change of paradigm from what we believe, to what is the truth about our marriage, not western culture but biblical truth. Truth that leadership of the man is not in question, but it is also that of a servant leader as Christ demonstrated. A leader serves the follower and earns their respect not force it through financial and physical intimidation. Truth that geography, culture or who makes the most income do not determine who heads the family unit - that was already determined by God, who started the marriage institution. Nigerian men need to get rid of the traditions of men they've adopted at the detriment of biblical principles. Taking care of our home, bathing the children, washing the dishes is not helping your wife, but leading by example. African women need to appreciate men who do this (way out of norm for him) and not take advantage of them, boasting about it in derogative ways to their friends.

It is unfortunate that a lot of these women fresh from Nigeria take advantage of the men as well. I have counseled with many, who choose to listen to wrong advises from other owambe women, filing for abused partner visa (making up evidence), beating down a husband when he is down emotionally and many taking advantage of the man's good heart. I believe a lot of Nigerian (and other African) men are dealing with depression, because of what they believe to be a move backward career wise and perceived loss of authority or leadership at home, and none of them is seeking professional help to deal with the depression (counseling is contrary to the cultural mode of dealing with issues - depression is often considered solely a spiritual issue rather than medical).

To stop this madness, every one of us has a little part. The Nigerian (and other African) churches need to address the issue in their churches, either directly or by inviting people who know what they are saying on the subject. Medical professionals in churches need to help their pastors recognize symptoms of depression, so an individual can be referred to a therapist while the church intercedes in prayer for the person. Leaders in communities with large African population such as Dallas TX, Houston TX, Chicago IL etc, have an obligation as well, I was blessed to contribute to such discussion (among pastors) when I visited Melbourne, Australia where Sudanese refugees are causing havoc. In Omaha - Lutheran Family Services, a large Lutheran Church and I are talking on how to deal with the abuse issue among the Burundi, Somali, and Sudanese refugees.

We (African immigrants) need to have an open mind to change, not change to western culture as many African men fear, but change to truth of the bible. I cringe and hate it, when the argument to stop beating one's wife or to review our prevalent African culture is centered on "we are in America" or "this is 21st century" rather than to "nourish and cherish your wife" - Apostle Paul, "you have not dealt well with the wife of your youth" - Prophet Malachi, or "treat her as a weaker (delicate) vessel" - Apostle Peter.

I know some men are getting ready to write me that I'm bias to women, before you do, realize that to whom much is given, much is also expected. Your being called the head of your home comes with serious responsibilities. Also, realize that changing from the leadership style we were taught to the leadership style of Christ - the first servant leader, takes a lot of surrender (Galatians 2: 20) and gut, not excuses. I'm writing not as a theorist but as an African man whose wife makes more money than him, a man who continue to learn obedience as God desires, not as culture require and by the grace of God the head (spiritually, emotionally, financially etc) of his home (thanks to a godly woman, who chose to be obedient rather than reason as a liberated intellect or culturally). The best gift I can give my boys is how I treat their Mom as the head of our home.

Finally, the husband or wife needs to know their emotions. Anger is a good emotion, it becomes dangerous when we ignore it by not reconciling with our offender, while we implode or explode. Aggressive people have the tendency to explode, and if not dealt with, explosive anger could result in fits of rage (which is a time that the person is no longer in charge), scientist would say the hormone epinephrine or nor-epinephrine has taken over at this time, while religious folks would call this state "demonic oppression or possession" depending on the denomination. Passive people would usually get to the fits of rage state, after many unresolved issues build up within them, and they one day explode doing a lot of damage. I believe with all of my heart that each of the men above where over-taking with fits of rage, whether pre-meditated or spur of the moment.

Please do not keep what's bothering you to you, seek help and don't be shy about visiting a professional therapist. The Lord that brought you from your high position in Nigeria, Sudan, Botswana or whatever your country is, has not forgotten you - take your frustration to Him. Celebrate your wife's achievement rather than look for silly ways to prove "you are still the man". If she is flaunting her money in your face, do what the Bible say, "repay evil with good, so God can avenge you - Romans 12" and keep praying for her.

Remain Blessed

William Femi Awodele is the Executive Director of Christian Couples Fellowship International, Inc., Omaha, NE, USA

Anonymous said...

I figured it might be of some help to others for a man who has/ is going through a divorce to make a comment to other men

Firstly let me say that I did not marry a poor woman or go to Nigeria to find a wife. I married someone I thought I know from childhood.

There has been abuse, scandalous lies, financial control/ abuse and a lack of willingness to resolve issues in our marriage.
I will say also because of the common trend in the society to believe what a WOMAN says there are a lot of stories out there about me that are not TRUE.

Also in going through the Divorce my wife has chosen to use our daughter as a tool to empower her stories. And she is also doing all she can to ensure she gets most of what we own.

There are other details I have chosen not to share, to those MEN that are too proud or too embittered to walk away I would like to now advise you

Do not be fooled by those who chose to you a bible opinion to employ you to stay on in a Marriage that is detrimental to you, your spouse and your children. This is not to say that a marriage cannot be restored.

Note most of these people cannot go through a quarter of what you have as evendenced by the story and comments on this discussion board.

Do all you can to work on resolving issues and working on yoru marriage however if you are in an abusive (verbal, physical or otherwise) marriage. PLEASE LEAVE, I know most men would not be humble enough to say to others what they are truly going through.

Seek God's face, read the story of Job please. Whatever you "lose" God will restore. Walk upright before him and HE will bless you indeed.

I know my note might not be culturally "right". But it is biblical. Don't let others define "God" for you. Seek him and He will show himself to you.

Nimi Abili McCoy said...

In Response to Mr John Mabayoge, Please, please do not continue to fabricate tales to suit whatever agenda you may have. Point your browser to to get a better clarification as to why Charles is where he is at. By the way if you were in Court during the proceedings you would know that he was not crippled by the gun shot.

Anonymous said...

I Thank God indeed. Other brothers should please read this so that we shall never be counted as one of these people despite the arrogance and hypocrisies of the pretentious women who suddenly see themselves in a position they never thought of. I know God is the Judge and can never be deceived - Isaac Akin

Anonymous said...

My friends, this indeed confirmed that we are living in a strange world that has no regard for the hardworking Nigerians in this country. Plus we are from a different culture, with tremendous emotion and passion toward our obligation as head of the house hold. How depressing that after several years of characterization as scammers they now changing for the worse “killers”. Maybe its time to return back to Africa to joining fellow Nigerians, in the rebuilding effort of the African continent. - Olu Osunsanmi

Anonymous said...

Thank God for your restaint, I could not help but to think of your situation and how close your wife came to pushing you to that edge.
Looking back on it now, one can not help but to give you all the praise for hanging in there for a whole 6 years. Please have a wonderful day.

Anonymous said...

Idowu John Olorunsogo Friday, September 26, 2008


Please note that Part [2] of this article is also available right now on

I read Pastor Femi Awodele's piece on Nigeriaworld related to the above subject. It made an interesting reading just like all of the other series of his. I must commend him on the excellent job he is doing through this medium to better the marital lives of all of us both home and abroad. Even though I'm a prolific reader of articles online especially on Nigeriaworld, I hardly respond to any piece I read and I don't form a habit of writing to any of the writers. But since this is a very sensitive and topical issue facing us, I want to say one or two things concerning his latest piece that I read recently. As we can also see on Nigeriaworld, some other writers have also made some useful contributions. With due respect, when I read Pastor Femi Awodele's latest article, the man of God tends to slant towards the female's side as if they don't do anything that is 'bad' to warrant some of the ordeals they received. Please don't get me wrong here. I am not saying here that killing of one's wife is a good thing but we need to also educate the women folks on how to behave as good women as God had planned it in the beginning. We cannot solve this huge problem by just looking at the outcome or the fallout - the killing. There is a danger in this.


To address this problem of killing spree, we have to visit the root cause. In other words, to nip in the bud the unpleasant and painful or difficult experience that some women suffered from some of our men, we have to visit the devilish and dangerous games that some of our women play so that everybody can learn one or two things from them. Some of these unbecoming behaviour of some of our women have often been a precursor to the killing spree that we witness nowadays. All is not well with some of our women, I must confess! In an article credited to Abiola-Lawore, the author compiled some pictures and some stories behind each killing. One sister Jumoke-Akin-Taylor also wrote about the Nigerian women she knew, yet related to the same topic under discussion. A brother named Obeya Francis Kizito also hit the nail on the head on some of the things that our women are doing wrongly. He was able to raise some useful points on the same issue. In related news, The Punch Newspaper published a story about how one Sikiru Saka allegedly killed his wife at Ajangbadi Area of Lagos.

Anyway, our men have been given enough knocks by other writers while our women have only received minima knocks. One begins to think or wonder if our women are innocent after all for them to be so exonerated seemingly. But both male and female, we are all to be blamed for this problem. To all our women out there, I also want to say to you here that I am not a male chauvinist and I don't want to be one. What I am about to say here, I know, will annoy so many of our women. Some will like me but some will hate me. Nevertheless, I love our women and therefore, my only intention here is to inform and educate, period. I love you all but I will call a spade a spade while giving an unbiased opinion here. Let us pay more attention!

With all due respect to all the contributors, this article is written as a complement to what all of you have said rather than being a rebuttal or rejoinder. Since Pastor Femi Awodele who wrote on the above subject article was looking at the problem from a biblical angle, I will also try to start my race from that same spot as well. With all said, I will proceed with caution to discuss the genesis of the problem.

To start with, I will tell my people about the women I knew. The Bible that we all read did not teach us that Eve was poor and that that was why she was a loving wife to Adam. The bible tells us that in the original language, the name Adam gave his wife (Eve in English) referred to her being 'the mother of all living.' To be a mother of all the living I think is more than being a Billionaire in the present time. But Adam and Eve remained Husband and wife even with all the temptations.

The same could be said about other notable women in the Bible. Women like Ruth, Hannah, Elizabeth the mother of John the Baptist, Virgin Mary the mother of Jesus Christ were never mentioned in the Bible to be poor, yet they remained women of value, integrity, honesty and valour. These were some women that I knew. If Virgin Mary were to be a Nigerian woman she would have probably out of arrogance told her then husband to be, Mr. John, to go to hell and that she is now dating the Holy Spirit! If she was a Nigerian woman, she would have told Mr. John the Carpenter that he was no longer in her league.

Some of the writers concluded that the cause of the problem was the fact that some women are richer than their men. But, can that be the only reason? It is not only now that many women have been doing better financially than some men. Joanna and Susanna we were told in the Holy Bible provided financial support for Jesus' earthly ministry and the duo were never for once said to be disrespectful or looked down on our Lord. Mary the sister of Martha and Lazarus was the woman who anointed Jesus with fragrant oil and wiped His feet with her hair. As pleasant as she was, she never for once looked down on our Lord. These are the type of women that I want to know.

Tabitha we were told in the Bible was noted for the good work and charitable deeds which she did and she was later raised from the dead through Peter. This woman of God did not for once look down on anybody, male or female.

What about Jehosheba in the Bible? This woman courageously saved a future king, the child Joash, from the murderous rampage of the wicked, self proclaimed queen Athaliah. Abigail the wife of Nabal was a woman of good understanding and beautiful appearance and she also saved Nabal from David's vengeance. But the bible never reported them to be 911 callers or to be very proud individuals because of their remarkable achievement. These are the women we should be or emulate.

Shiphrah and Puah were the brave Egyptian midwives who feared God and would not kill the infant sons of the Israelite women. Do many of our Nigerian women even fear God at all? God said in the bible that the man is the head of the home and should be respected. That was never a conditional statement. God did not say a woman should only respect her husband if the husband is richer than her. Even with all their big 'Geles' in churches on Sundays you would think many of them will behave as godly women at their respective homes. But that is not to be. You need to hear some of these women when they do their stock in trade- gossiping. I say you need to see them talk or discuss. One cannot begin to say here the way they usually 'yeye' their men especially when they are on coffee-break in their various offices or when they say they go on ladies night out. Adultery to them is nothing but a game. They say it is all in the spirit of having varieties. It is their proud boast that they are sleeping around. Varieties they call it, but these are sins. If the husbands say anything, it is one threat or the other.

Some of our women will even say they are being caged by their men. Shedding crocodile tears profusely always if the man dares complain, the 'gullible' policemen are there knocking on his door. Many of the men that are still keeping their marriages are the quiet types that will rather keep quiet rather than losing their properties to their women. God has given them such wisdom to maintain close lips. They will rather remain dumb for peace to reign supreme at home. One Yoruba proverb says that 'ti omode ba mo owo we, yio ba agba jeun.' That is: If a child knows how to wash his hands he will dine with the elders. These men know exactly what they are doing. These men know how to overlook a lot of things at home but they only complain to their friends outside the house on what they are going through. Some women choose their husbands' friends for them. Don't move with this one but that one, you heard them say! These men dare not concur; they know the monsters they have as wives. If our men in return say to them, you too don't move with people of questionable characters, they complain. As a man, if you annoyed that type of woman, you know what that means. Those men live in constant fear. Fear of losing it all in one day! My brothers and sisters, can you blame those quiet men, it is truly women world abroad.

Those men are quiet practically about everything. They are quiet about the amount of money being spent by the women. They must be quiet just to allow their women to have it their ways always. They give the women their space. These men do things and condone things they will ordinarily not do or condone back home. They swallow every insult in the name of maintaining a peaceful atmosphere. Meanwhile, the same woman will still complain and describe her husband as a jerk or WUSS as some people will say in America. A WUSS who dances to all her tunes and this she does not like again and that she likes and prefers a man who gives her a challenge at home. Let the man give her some few challenges, she will say she is not happy again. The truth is women don't really know what they want. Many men do need to be thick-skinned to survive the temptations and harassment from some of our women abroad.

In addition, if the man is tired and does not feel like making love on a particular day the wife will be threatening him that she will go and be sleeping around. 'If you cannot do it your mate will do it outside', you heard them say threateningly. If it was the woman who was tired and the man wanted it, if the man talked too much, it is an intention to rape. It is women world out there. I even met a Nurse who told me that she was going to leave her husband. Her complaint was that her man does not make a lot of money and that he is equally not good in bed. Some of these women are just very critical about everything! I told her that but you have been living with the same man for years. 'You got married to him, he brought you to America, and he spent all the money all alone just to make sure you became a Registered Nurse. He supported you all alone. The man is not idle, he is working and still doing the same job he was doing at that time he was spending money on you to make you a better person in America. Now that you are a Registered Nurse, are you now just coming back from your trance to know that your man is not now good in bed? Suddenly, you now know that your man is not making enough money.' I said to her. Will God not judge such a woman?

Lest I forget, after many of our women have now completed their nursing program or any other program and they are now earning some dollars, the time is now ripe for them to have a separate account. They will concoct one lie after another just to open a separate account. Women! Some of their friends and relatives will even advise them to have a separate account. As stupid as some of these women are, they have now suddenly forgotten all the good things that their men have done for them. I remembered a female friend of mine who was traveling out to meet her husband after her wedding. I also remembered the pieces of advice she was being given upon leaving. Some people were telling her that her career is very lucrative abroad and that she should not have a joint account with her husband. Such was the plot before she even left the shore of Nigeria. Our people!

In another dimension, surprisingly, a woman who had once lived in Nigeria for 30 years has suddenly forgotten her own culture and values (family/moral/traditional) within three years of living abroad. What a shame! Even the so-called white women don't even care if they make more money than their husbands. I have seen a white woman, a medical doctor who got married to a mechanics. I know another female medical doctor who got married to a Truck driver. I don't have to be a genius to know that a medical doctor is likely to make more money. But these female doctors still live happily with their men. Some Nigerian registered Nurses should learn from this.

As greedy as they are, some of our women upon traveling to Nigeria on holidays will still go and sleep with their former boy friends and sugar daddy. I even heard a gist about the wife of a notable Pastor abroad who will always go to Nigeria with her husband for a Conference. This woman of God (or should we say woman of devil) will also instruct her former boy friend to lodge in the same hotel that she and her husband stay. Anytime the man of God is not around, this woman will sneak to her boy friend's room for some actions. Can you imagine that?

There's nowt so queer as folk, so they say. To some Christians among our women, all in the name of holding a Prayer meeting or session, they will turn the prayer meeting to a gossiping arena. They will gossip about their individual husbands. Everything that is happening in their homes, they will reveal to their partners in crime, the prayer warriors. This is the joint where some of our women get an ill-advised proposals and initiatives that they executive at home. This is where they get the idea of those strange characters they display at home. Stupid advice from stupid people, one would say. The same can be said about some of our Muslim sisters out there. Can we deceive God?

Sorry for the little digression. For those women who are terrorizing their husband at home and still want their husbands to be good in bed at the same time, I have a word for you. If you don't know, a man 'thing' is connected to his heart. If you want more actions, be good to your man. They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. This is food for thought for our women out there.

That brings me to another point. I know them; it is when some of our women are having other lovers elsewhere who are deceiving them that they say all of these jargons to belittle their husbands. Some of our women will say their men are not good in bed just to bring down their men at home. Our women should know that the grass is not greener elsewhere. "That your new boy friend who deceives you by bringing you roses every afternoon will change immediately he gets married to you. The 'love in Tokyo' is never perpetual. The honey-moon may soon be over. Some of our men will use you and dump you after sleeping with you. You have lost your husband who was there for you when things were not so rosy for you. Through thick and thin your husband was there. I say he was there at the beginning. Now you have chased two birds and lost the two. You have now lost your husband because of your greed and lack of wisdom." "Hard I know………….2ce" will now be the new chorus that they sing.

I was reading an article sometimes ago written by Sabella Ogbobode Abidde and titled: Why Do African Men Go Home to Mary? Being an apposite article to this discussion here, the contents of the article fascinated me as did the reactions of people who commented on the contents of the article. You could take time to go look at the article and see what people are saying. Therefore, another point worthy of mentioning is the fact that some of our women are not genuinely in love with their men. It was all marriage of convenience. Some followed their men to America and left them once they could find their feet while some of them left once their feet touched American soil. Human being!

One African proverb says "When you have chased a goat towards a wall, eventually when it gets to the wall, the goat will turn and face whoever is chasing it. One Yoruba proverb says: If a man is running helter-skelter in the middle of the day, it is either he is chasing something or he is being chased. A man can only take so much. And they say Revenge is sweet. I guess the result is what we see nowadays - Killing spree. I believe those women were killed by their husbands in revenge for the untold activities of those deceased women. To those men, I will say that this is a crude and barbaric way of taken one's revenge. The bible does not support this act in anyway. God has said it that vengeance is His and that He will repay the evil ones. I will not write much on this because the nefarious acts and deeds of such men have already been condemned by other writers. You can also read Part [2] of this Article now.

Anonymous said...

Obeya Francis Kizito Sunday, September 21, 2008
Pennsylvania, USA


he Nigerian community in the diaspora is really outraged by the wave of wife-killings that has plagued us in recent times. At the last count, not less than five men are going through various stages of the due process of the law for dispatching their better halves to the great beyond. If this was a single isolated incident, perhaps we could have shrugged and attributed it to one lunatic who has lost his mind but this is not the case. In the space of less than half a decade, over five Nigerians have viciously attacked their wives with intent to bring death regardless of whatever consequence will follow.

This writer is disgusted with the inability of his fellow citizens to properly understand the severity of the situation we face as Nigerians. Not even John McCain, in his ignorance of the American economic situation, comes any closer in poor judgment. So quick are we to condemn and detach ourselves from these so-called murderers that we forget to see how much lessons can be learned from these unfortunate incidents with an aim of preventing a future occurrence. In demonizing the Nigerian male, Jumoke Akin-Taylor has this to say: “The Nigerian Man today has traded his birthright as the head of the family, the one who commands respect, was revered by all for his gentle greatness; and now for almighty dollar, waits for his wife’s paycheck for the roof over their head, worse, he drops off his wife at work and then goes back to sleep.” Or how about the self-righteous tone adopted by Abimbola Lawore when he described these wife-killers as ‘dregs of society’, ‘black sheep’, ‘nut cases’ and even ‘monster’.

This writer’s sadness stems from the fact that we have become rather reactive instead of proactive about this problem that assails the family in the diaspora. Such attitudes will not prevent a reoccurrence but will only harden the resolves of men who have had it up to here with their women but feel boxed in because there are no avenues for them to seek help. Our approach to this matter will only see more women killed if we don’t change tack.

In the African context, we do not speak ill of the dead. As a matter of fact, it is next to impossible to condemn the dead. There is absolutely no room in our culture to speak ill of the dead. There is absolutely no room in our culture to fault the acts of the dead and this explains why a man who kills his wife will find no sympathetic ear to hear his own side of the story. The aim of this piece is not to whip up support for men who have bloodied their hands with wifey’s blood, but to redirect our thought-process to figuring out creative and result-oriented ways of intervention. This will curb the growth of a generation of wife-killers within our ranks.

This is our assessment of the situation thus far: man brings woman to America from Naija. Woman becomes very hardworking and becomes more successful than the man. Man becomes jealous. Man kills woman. Things fall apart. How I wish it was this simple. Although no one can claim to know the state of mind these men were in when they carried out these heinous acts, one can only imagine the chain of events that propelled them to arrive at this decision. No matter how well we tend to sugarcoat it, this writer will have a hard time believing that these women (God rest their souls) are all so saintly, so God-fearing, so righteous and so sugar-won’t-melt-in-her-mouth innocent. Hard and callous as this may sound, such an admission will provide the key to an honest and unbiased analysis of the situation.

Couples in the diaspora need a lot of support systems in order to cope with the tough challenges of living abroad. A woman who makes more money than her husband needs to understand that money is not everything and her success is no success at all if such success does not extend to the rest of the family members. Strange as it may sound, it is not only abroad that a Nigerian woman earns more than her husband but such women have not allowed their good fortunes enter their heads. They continue to hold down the home front, being a bastion for the family and maintaining love and respect for their husbands, encouraging them when they are down and covering their nakedness when hard times come. The Abacha years saw a lot of breadwinners out of jobs and thrown into jails (especially bankers) did the onus of catering for the family not fall on the woman? So what makes the Nigerian woman in the diaspora think she is such a phenomenon? Give me a break! This woman needs to understand that the headship of the family does not belong to the partner with the largest purse and that a man falling on hard times is not enough reason for her to make him a slave.

The female in the American workplace has a greater longevity and success rate than the male (abi you think say bottom power no dey for America?) Hence it is no longer newsworthy to see wives who earn more than their husbands. In fact a generation of stay at home dads have sprouted among other communities. These men have given up their careers to stay and look after the kids so that their better positioned wives can continue with their careers. There has been a lot of savings on child care as a result of this arrangement and the men are not seen as failures by their wives. It is only the twisted macho mentality of the Nigerian society that men who bring home fewer dollars than their wives are seen as the doormat. This attitude has to change.

It is only in the Nigerian community that the man is seen as a eunuch once he cannot earn more than his wife. And what do some of these godless women do when they can pay their own bills? Some begin to take on secret lovers, others not-so-secret lovers; others stash their green in accounts known only to themselves and their home wrecking girlfriends, and others even go to the extent of keeping two homes. To such women, a husband is nothing but a doormat and 911 is the first on the list of contacts on these Jezebels’ cell phones. A friend once recounted a story of a lady in Nebraska whose family starves when the husband is unable to bring forth money for the groceries but adequately stocks the pantry of her boyfriend with enough food to feed an army.

There was also a scandalous lady in Ottawa who was so badly beaten by her boyfriend she called her husband to say she is on an emergency assignment to Alaska and will not be returning home for a month. Many of us might have heard of some CNAs and RNs who openly brag about how they can’t wait to obtain their nursing license and “divorce that foolish man”. In spewing forth the qualities of the Nigerian woman she knew, Jumoke Akin-Taylor must not have been aware of a darker sinister side of her sisters since she carefully neglected to mention this in her piece. I should like to delight in the thought that this oversight was not borne out of selective amnesia. I could devote this piece in its entirety to chronicling the acts of these Nigerian viragoes but that is a story for another day.

As earlier stated, Nigerian couples need a lot of support to make marriages work. In most cases there exists little or no support system that addresses conflicts in marriages even though we all know that such conflicts will definitely arise. At home in beloved naija, we have family elders, friends, the church and all sorts of advocates to fall back on when the institution is threatened. Abroad however, the only efforts being made by the churches is in ensuring that tithes are paid and pastors are not doing enough to get involved in conflicts involving married couples (after all this society does not encourage third party intervention and rehabilitation.) The Oyibo approach of “intervening only when invited” is not and has never been our way of life. Men like Kelechi Emeruwa, Theophilus Ojukwu, John Onwuka, are no more guilty than their pastors and friends, of these murders, for failing to detect the warning signs of trouble when it all began.

Other culprits to be blamed are the multiple tribal associations that are sprouting here and there all over America. Each year, Ohanaeze Ndigbo holds its annual convention. Organizations such as these should encourage their local chapters to get more involved in resolution of conflicts and shore up breaking homes. Furthermore, these organizations can encourage the introduction of programs aimed at building relationships between couples and encouraging them to stick together during difficult periods. Certainly there should be more to be gained from these unions than just the paying of union dues and holding of lavish parties naija style.

In conclusion, I’d like to point out that wife-killing is not a Nigerian value. This new evil that has reared its ugly head in our midst is not undefeatable. This is an act borne out of desperation by people who saw no way out of their situations. If we act as true family and friends and be there for these men and women in their hour of need, I believe that murder will look less attractive an option for the partner who is seriously considering going that route. We can defeat this, yes we can.

Anonymous said...

Dear Icheoku,

I have just come across your article titled ‘Nigerian Men Wife killers’ dated July 3, 2008. You described the Nigerian nut-case Mr John Onwuka as an indigene of Akwete community of Ohafia Bende LGA. Please note that your citation is wrong and needs to be corrected with immediate apology to the Akwete indigenes all over the world. That devil incarnate John Onwuka is not an indigene of Akwete. His victim the deceased Mrs Gloria Uchechi was an illustrious daughter of Akwete Community. Akwete is located in Ukwa East Local Government of Abia State. There is no Akwete Community in Bende LGA. I speak ex cathedra on this issue because I was deployed in the Bende Ohafia area during the civil war as a young Biafran soldier.

Your quick response in addressing the misinformation contained in your article would be greatly appreciated.

Cidi Olujie, PhD

NSW, Australia

Anonymous said...

When a man gives up his manhood and fails to better himself and sees his glory through his higher earning spouse then he is to blame for whatever failures that happen in his marriage. These women work long hours and the men expect to enjoy the benefits of a traditional marriage and fail to understand when the wife can't perform. They expect a tired woman to cook, be a mother and perform sexually. Some thing has to yield and the relationship ultimately suffers. Men reduce the hours your wives work, pick up the slack and recognize that your wife deserves as much sleep as you get.

Anonymous said...

They go back home to get a wife they can enslave and not love cos' they can't cope with the western culture.The women rush to them hoping for betterdays and not of Love.Soon,they realise what is called human rights that is non existence in Nigeria and thats hard for the Men to stomach. When the women claim their rights,the men feel challenged. There is no other explanation. My advice is always to have a contract in case of divorce,whats mine remains mine and what's yours remains yours provided I live to claim it.

Anonymous said...

"Nigerian men who marry “fedexed” wives should better watch it as what they bargained for might not necessarily always come to fruition. There is no need travelling to Africa to find a wife - if it is akaata, Filipino, Latina mamacita, oke-bekee or even Chinese that loves you, please settle down with such a person. Your love for foofoo and egusi soup is not enough to trade your happiness and possibly freedom when they make you do the unthinkable...." Good talk, this is my favorite passage in this article, I think they should be reasonable in their thinking and stop believing the woman from their village is better than any woman in the world. Men or women who lack home traning has nothing to give to the society, including their off-springs.

Anonymous said...

it is unfortunate, that nigerian men dont know that it is never late to be what you would have become, why not be the nurse instead of training a woman only to kill her. Men must compromise when woman becomes the bread winner.

Anonymous said...

The worst news is that the affected wives are usually the so-called RN's. Perhaps one of the factors reponsible for this madness is the fact that most Nigerian wives earn extraordinarily more than their husbands. This seldomly happens in Nigeria. One of the dangers associated with RN's earning more than their husbands in US is the temptation by the affected women to grow wings and stop according due respect to their husbands, wives who never thought of riding okada in Nigeria enter America through the lottery of their husband's visas, only to start driving Linclon Navigators or any other exotic cars. Some wives are so arrogant that they verbally abuse their husbands and paint a picture before their children that their father is utterly irresponsible, finacially lacking, and emotionally unstable. They count number of household items purchased in their names and get the kids to understand that their father never owned a single of them. This display of arrogance and psychological demotion aggravates tension in the home as the husband starts to feel his wife would one day wake up and ask him to leave the house. Conversely, several husbands are guilty of the fact that they forget that a successful marriage is always contingent upon mutual love, respect, appreciation, and understanding of each other. The American system is inconsistent with the practice whereby the husband relaxes in the living room, expects the wife to cook, change the baby's diapers, do the laundry, and at the same time get ready for the next day's work. Wives are not slaves and should not be treated as such if the marriage must last. I am in no way privy to the idea of husbands physically assaulting their wives or killing them. That practice is nothing but an act of insanity, stupidity, and uncivilization. Women are naturally created as the weaker vessels and they will always behave according to their gender. Rather than physically assulting my wife, I will rather take my shirt and drive away from home. Perhaps before I return, her madness would have subsided or gone. If she becomes continuosuly dominant or provocative, I will rather pack my things, leave her to make her millions of naira through her RN job or whatever, and go back to Nigeria. Perhaps if we are temporarily separated and leave thousands of mile apart, the initial love would draw her back to me and she will come back to reunite with me in our father's land. This is not an advice to divorce or separate, but perhaps if the American system will continue to make our marriages to collapse, why don't we return home and leave peaceably. Enough is enough of this embarrassment to the Nigerian community in the USA. American jails are built for the American culprits, and not to be filled up Nigerian in the name of domestic violence. It is time this madness is stopped.
Written by Adewumi Mary

Anonymous said...

These men are being treated the way they are, by their wives because of how they (the men)treated such ladies. Some men can really be slave masters. It takes the grace of God for a man to treat his wife with love. But some women are also the author of their problems. They are disciples of their mothers. I believe when a man and a woman choose to marry, they should cleave to themselves and avoid all external advice. Another person's experience in their own marriage cannot be used in another's marriage. Even if it is your parents experience. Lets continue to pray for the sanity of the marriage institution. It is only for the brave, if you are not brave, dont bother going there. By brave, I mean being brave to be vulnerable to each other. It doesn't have to be a living hell. Marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured.

Anonymous said...

We may be forgeting the most important issue here, which is that the days of Nigerian men returning home to Nigeria to marry may be gradually coming to an end! I hope the parents at home will understand and adjust to this new reality. How can a man spend 20yrs in America doing whatever to stabilize enough (it is not easy to stabilize in America!), decide to go home and pick a wife and probably train her to become an RN, then she pays him back (for whatever reason) by kicking him out of his own home and taking his children? It doesn't end there, he still pays child support! I think the main problem is the fact that some women (it is not all Naija wives here) become drunken by the money they make and quickly forget the years their husbands toiled and lived decent lives (including keeping a safe home for her to arrive to) in order to qualify to sponsor her to America. These are great sacrifices. All they remember is that they have become the bread winners. A white lady or Akaata will never change her behaviour no matter how much she makes or what promotion she gets. What she is from day one is what she will be till death regardless of income. It is unfortunate indeed! Nigerian men are not wife killers in Nigeria. Infact they are not wife killers in America if they marry oyibo or akaata. He may not be served with eba or Nigerian dishes but the foreign lady is at home and not trying to impress or prove anything. There is no power tussle because the man knows whom he is marrying before doing so and she doesn't change! So the imported wife must be the problem because she changes once she "settles". I don't support homicide but I dig for facts. The safest option will be to stay away from picking wives from Nigeria. Parents please adjust! - written by ayii

Anonymous said...

The questions we should be asking is why do all these deaths via domestic violence always involve the so call RN;S nurses, as one who does not endorse such violence it pains our heart when u see what this women do to their husband when they finally begin to find their feet here in america, how do you sleep with a woman in the same bed and you only wake up to find out that ur nurse-wife bought an expensive car or is even building a house back home without your knowledge like a colleague in the office discovered recently. how do u explain having brought her here and all these years you were working to keep the family and suddenly as soon as she is a qualified nurse and starts making the little peanuts some think is money she suddenly get out of control, becomes more american than the americans, files for divorce, denies you of access to your children and since the system is sympathetic to women in domestic situation even have all the home you have bought and labored to pay off all these years giving to her by a synpathetic system--- some of this naija nurses even have associations where they all drive the same kind of cars most without the knowledge or even simple courtesy of informing their spouses before picking this car. they simply become arrogant. the smart and informed women i have seen here will always tell you to stay away from such nurses association/kparakpor---they are simply home/marriage breakers. recently i was with a friend whose naija neigbour has thru the manipulation of the system taken over the house he laboured for, worth over 400,000 dollars, the man i understand has moved to another city just to start anew and here the shameless woman was sleeping with another young man who is is almost 10 years younger---the questions we should always ask is are these men all simply mad? or is there something that reveals itself with women who never expected they could get to where they are and suddeenly wants to wear the pants and force the man to wear the panties? i know some of this men have their problems too bcos i just dont understand why i would ask the wife to go to school and also not improve on myself. it will be a sacrifice done both ways-- so that like my colleague in the office who for your information works in the oil sector here, he just simply left the house for her some months later married a white lady -- he said he wants peace of mind. so folks some of this problem needs to be well researched -- we are africans first and our understanding of the marriage doctrine is different from the concept here--there cannot be two captains in one boat-- they are equal partners but one get to be the head. recently one of this nursing ladies in houston brought in her olumba olumba mother to come and and be disturbing the house--all the way from nigeria---i understand she hung up her o.o.o spiritual leaders picture in every corner of the house even when she had been told by the man of the house that he does not like it and funny enough the wife does not see anything wrong with her mothers action--the man simply packed his things and left the house 4 months ago --this is a guy that filed for her and brought her to this america--so while we defend the ladies lets us also focus on the problems some create with their own hands. this stigma in the nigerian community is getting too much and it is always with the so call nurses. like a contributor said it is not mandatory you must have a fedex wife, if you must marry a naija woman study her very well. there are also some nice naija women --cool headed and who understand the concept of marriage very well - written by pius

Anonymous said...

We're all Guilty. Depending on who you ask, you sure will get a different answer. You have counted those killed, do you know how many are seperated and divorced? Our culture, especially Igbo, gave men a lot of right over women. For example, during traditional marriage, everybody claps, smile, laugh when father will ask her daughter to take a cup of drink and kneel down before the husband-to-be...If she knelt then, why will she stop to kneel in USA? If she still kneels, she would not die. Why is it that our men in USA are ever ready to return to Nigeria but our women hates to come back? It is our women that change not men. Saddly, we are controlling and proud. We should try to teach our kids different but for us, you cannot learn left hand at old age. Our women will have to decide and choose well. She saw that at the beginning and liked it, why change rules in the middle of game? Different people, different culture. One man in Saudi Kingdom told me that he will kill himself instead of woman to be his president..(apparently refering to Mrs Clinton during her primary contest with Obama). What am saying is America or no America, men should marry as their father did and women should marry as their mother did. Don't change nothing. Man is the head of household according to bible.Written by Peters O. Peters,

EBEKUO said...

When a man gives up his manhood and fails to better himself and sees his glory through his higher earning spouse then he is to blaim for whatever failures that happen in his marriage. These women work long hours and the men expect to enjoy the benefits of a traditional marriage and fail to understand when the wife can't perform. They expect a tired woman to cook, be a mother and perform sexually. Some thing has to yield and the relationship ultimately suffers. Men reduce the hours your wives work, pick up the slack and recognize that your wife deserve as much sleep as you get.

Anonymous said...

nwa afor
igbo mama nu..... this is getting too much to our likely.. kill or no kill, men kill or woman kill, RN or Educated men and woman... make una comotu igbo man name for this issue.... i bet u say in general nigeria wey don kill their wife or husband igbo na less in number.... u wan tell me say u go around united state of america wey me and u dey dey hustle say igbo man kill their wife pass any other tribe for 9ja guy na lie... where yoruba men dey.... i dey work for state prison for california ask me abt the numbers... idiots if u dont know wat u think abt igbo man go fuck ur self.... for those who has being murder may their soul r.i.p for those abt to be murder both men and woman u can make it better