NBA 2013 CHAMPIONSHIP, THE KING HAS DONE IT AGAIN

 

Icheoku says congratulations to King Lebron James and his boys for yet another delightful basketball year. It was thrilling from the get-go, through their undefeated running period to the winning of the Eastern conference; then to the cliff-hanger toss-up with San Antonio Spurs that was the NBA finals. Icheoku predicted that King James will add yet another jewel to his crown this 2013 and with one more to go in 2014 before he returns to make peace with Cleveland in 2015. It is going to happen; Lebron James will move back to Cleveland in 2015, possibly with his co triumvirates of Wade and Bosh to help give the people of Cleveland an NBA championship ring in 2015. Spurs showed up and showed up well; but mother luck and sheer doggedness was on Heat's side and so went the 2013 NBA championship medal. Icheoku says it is now one for Wade, one for James and next year's is going to be Bosh's. Well done Heaters. Icheoku says that regrettably the racism in America has factored in the not giving much prop to the Filipino-coach of Miami Heat Erik Spoelstra. A coach who has won two in a row and who has won so many games despite the odds; yet gets trifle mention and coverage simply because he does not have the right skin tone? This says a lot about the country's underbelly and this does not bode well for America. Icheoku says congratulations coach Spoelstra for the wonders you perform coaching champions and for the feat of back to back NBA championship. On your behalf, Icheoku dedicates the 2013 NBA championship to the Philippines.

TONY SOPRANO, WHACKED BY HEART ATTACK.

Icheoku cut off our HBO when the hit Sopranos ended; admitted plans were afoot to re-hook later since Tony was not whacked during the grand finale in that restaurant despite fans expectations. The lights that went out while daughter Meadow was entering the restaurant to join the rest of the family for a dinner, drawing the curtain on the series, suggested that the show had a chance of a rebirth, whenever the producer decides to turn the light back on? Icheoku and millions of other fans waited and waited to find out what happened when the light comes back on but it never did; needless to add that our HBO is still tossed. Now who knows if it stands any chance of ever being reconnect with the whacking of all whacking by heart attack of the man who brought mafioso to life and into millions of our living rooms. 

Call this soothsaying(ish) if you like, but Icheoku was watching Brad Pitt's "Killing them softly" movie the other day and saw a tired Tony making his way through an airport. Somehow, Icheoku felt worried that Tony's weight forebodes danger to his health from a heart in too much labor, which eventually now did him in. But hey he came, did his time and is now gone. He will be remembered for what he did while it lasted. Thankfully it was quick and he did not suffer too much. As for the debt which every mortal owes, he has paid his own and is now truly free.

Tony Soprano (birth name James Gandolfini) will be sorely missed, especially his 'wicked' laugh and his ever sparkling lighted eyes which looks muxh like Snowball's of George Orwell's Animal Farm. He did HBO and Italians proud, correctly depicting the ruthless mafia don who must never be crossed. Icheoku loved The Sopranos, all of it; especially the scene where Tony and the rest of the made guys whacked Sal 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero and took his body by boat for a sea burial for being a government (FBI informant) snitch. Tony's regular sessions with his shrink, Dr. Melfi, also brought psychologists' work closer to people. 

Tony Soprano, an Italian descent, died in the old country, while on a working visit there. He was just 51 years old. Icheoku says adieu Toni and may you continue to be the boss over there; except that the real boss Al Capone might be jealous of your exploits in Sopranos and anxiously waiting for your arrival with his muscles to whack you yet again and may be back this way? Salute, Arrivederci, So long Toni.

RIVERS STATE POLICE COMMISSIONER SHOULD RESIGN OR BE FIRED.

Icheoku was very much around during the second republic when the fight for supremacy between then Vice President Alex Ekwueme and also then Anambra State Governor Jim Nwobodo over who controls Anambra State reached a feverish climax. A time it was when Ekwueme's Abuja deployed Commissioner of Police Bishop Eyitenne to Anambra State with specific instruction to muscle Governor Nwobodo and frustrate him and his government. The situation got so bad then that Jim's Vanguard masking under the State's Road Safety marshals were transformed into armed rival vigilante-force in the state and effectively drew the line in the sand. It was so tensed that every person alive and living in Anambra State could feel the coming tornado and waited for its touchdown

Icheoku like any true son and daughter of Igbo-land was in the Zeek's party - the NPP. Partisan politics coming so soon after the end of shooting hostilities of the Biafran war, no right thinking Igbo person was expected to be in any other party but the NPP (Igbo Party), talkless of being a member of the Hausa/Fulani NPN party after what they did to Igbos during the war. A member of the youth wing led by Anike Nwoga and private secretary to local government NPP chapter's chairman and so effectively was in the know and highly partisan. It was the same period that then returned exile Odumegwu Ojukwu's 'IF' (Ikemba Front or whatever that acronym stood for) had a gun-duel at Nkpor junction with security details of Governor Nwobodo, acting from the same play book from Abuja's NPN party in power? Icheoku recalls that Bishop Eyitenne's confrontation and disrespect of democratically elected Governor Nwobodo became so flagrant that even court orders were wantonly disobeyed by him; his police motorcade was bigger and noisier than the chief executive governor's; as well as other sundry irritable and very provoking words he spewed out concerning the state and how nobody in Lions' House can tell him what to do therein. Icheoku recalls too how NPN thugs including the notorious bandit "Santana" ran amok and did as they pleased in the state while the Commissioner looked the other way. Ditto, the impunity with which other NPN high-ups in the state trounced about without recourse to law and order or any decorum. All these, with their Abuja minders, supervised by Ekwueme, providing cover and needed cash to nest their wantonness, all in an attempt to wrest power from the governor and his NPP and turn the state at all cost over to the NPN so that the vice president could "WIN" his own state for the party. 

Quite a showdown then it was, between a duly elected democratic governor of a state and a mere civil servant police commissioner, who ordinarily should have been there in Anambra State to carry out security instructions from the head security official of the state, the executive governor. But with tacit instruction or rather direct orders from Abuja, Eyitenne descended on Anambra State with one purpose - to help NPN take back the state even if it means foisting a total breakdown of law and order through reckless provocations. Icheoku says but for the intervention of Muhammed Buhari's coupists in December 30, 1983, no one knew exactly how it would have turned out and what would have become of such several flash-point states including Anambra State. It was sure headed to a conflagration, a clash of powers and eventual precipice. 

Regrettably, Nigerians are so daft and hardly learn from past experiences and history. Case in point being the current standoff between Governor Rotimi Amaechi and Commissioner of Police Joseph Mbu of Rivers State. With the Nwobodo and Eyitenne feud as a backdrop, Icheoku wonders how security could be ensured now in Rivers State where the chief security officer and the chief security enforcer doesn't see eye to eye. A case where the falcon cannot hear the falconer in Rivers State will lead to a complete breakdown of law and order. Anarchy, being let loose in the state, things are sure likely to completely fall apart, security wise speaking. Icheoku without mincing words or taking sides; but matter of factually speaking, says that Rivers State COP must and should, as is required in every well organised civilized society, submit himself and subsume himself under the authority of the governor who was elected by the people of the state to provide them, among other democratic dividends, SECURITY. The governor is the first person in the state before whom no one else comes, hence reserves the right to speak on matters effecting his state including its security, ditto the security officials therein and that includes the commissioner. It is therefore rebellious for the commissioner to question the motives of such a chief security official of the state and in his state.

Icheoku says where the COP's ego becomes too bloated that it now comes in the way and he cannot find himself working under and with the governor, he should seek a transfer out of the state or resign or be forced out. But a situation where a civil servant is calling an elected political leader of the state names is unbecoming of a supposedly non partisan security enforcer. Icheoku therefore condemns as uncalled for, unwarranted and beyond pale, the recent alleged statement attributed to COP Mbu that Governor Amaechi is a tyrant and a dictator. In the commissioner's own words "“Our governor is very tyrannical, he is a dictator. He wants everybody to say ‘yes sir’ to him and I said I will not say so. I am a professional." Icheoku adds as a professional, don't the commissioner know that he is supposed to carry out instructions without muddling himself into its politics or is his own professionalism different from that word defined? Icheoku queries, by joining issues with the governor and actually disobeying a lawful order to "say yes sir to the governor," is the commissioner still entitled to remain on his job a day longer? Recall that the same hothead commissioner was redeployed out of Oyo State to Rivers State just in February this year for unlawfully invading the Ashipa of Oyo's palace. Now he wants to use the same wantonness tactics in Rivers State and thinks he will succeed?

Irrespective of whatever be the provocation/s, at least the commissioner should have sought and used back room channels to explain how he felt to the governor but not in anyway the frontal press conference approach. His avenue of choice is rather a total show of disrespect for not only to the governor but the people of Rivers State whose mandate he duly possesses, at least until his term expires or is forced out by political vendetta and/or vindictiveness of Abuja. Admitted that protesters should conform to rules of engagement when they march by seeking necessary police permit, except where it is unreasonably denied, but Mbu's outburst is unbecoming of a civil servant. Therefore Abuja and President Jonathan must prove to Nigerians that the commissioner is not acting their script by letting him go or at least deploying him out of Rivers State at minimum. In the US which Nigerians officials frequently make references to whenever it suits their talking point, Army General Stanley McChrystal who was then commanding war operations in Afghanistan, was forced to fall on his sword because of some disparaging remarks he and his troops made about and concerning the persons of President Obama and his vice Biden or rather "Bite Me," according to the alleged.

Rivers State's Commissioner of Police has no right whatsoever to second guess the state's reason for "not being happy with him." He is a civil servant, not an elected official, hence his opinion is irrelevant until sought by his superiors. His honor code should and must remain to salute and take a bow and implement what he is asked to do, provided it is not criminal. He should and must do as told or resign or be forced out of his office if he does not want to obey lawful orders of his superior or in his own words be "subservient to the governor." If the kitchen in Port Harcourt is becoming too hot, let the darn commissioner find the exit and get out; but he must leave politics for politicians or better still take off his uniform and join the fray. Icheoku says if according to the commissioner he agrees that the "office of the governor is a respected office," why then is he disrespecting it with such a disparaging public remarks, calling an elected democratic governor a dictator and a tyrant? Icheoku queries what else would the commissioner "tell the world in his next interview on why the governor is against him" since he had already said it is because he does not want to be "subservient" to him? Be that as it may, Icheoku hereby call on Rivers State Commissioner of Police Mbu to resign or for Abuja to redeploy him out of the state and in any other event, fire his police-arse for antagonizing and bringing the office of an elected democratic governor to disrepute by branding him a dictator and a tyrant. 

GUITAR HERO, GUITAR PLAYING PRESIDENT JONATHAN.

Icheoku says President Bill Clinton played the saxophone; President GW Bush played and danced to the beat of African drums; President Barack Obama sang Al Green's Lets Stay Together; President Olusegun Obasanjo danced PSY's Gangnam Style; and even Madam Secretary of State Albright danced to Macarena and the other Madam Secretary of State Hillary Clinton also danced some South African tunes too. Now President Goodluck Jonathan of Nigeria just strung the guitar. 

Icheoku says whats up with all these presidents showing us the lighter side of themselves and displaying inert talents which duties of the state had somehow made redundant. Icheoku says the world especially Nigerians can use the million Naira smile on their President Jonathan's face. A country almost over-heating from stress of every kind can sure find some uplifting from their smiley president. Icheoku says GOOD for the country.

DANA AIR CRASH MEMORIAL, SIMPLY THOUGHTLESS.

Icheoku asks what is so important about a tragic accident, especially where it was not terrorist-induced and/or not involving the life of a national leader like a president, to warrant the erection of a memorial? Icheoku queries since when has a horrifying air accident become so "edifying" that a cenotaph had to be erected to remember it forever? Moreso no national figure/s was or were lost in the accident to necessitate a memorial to cement him or her or them forever in Nigerians' national psyche via a memorial. 

Sentiments not withstanding, air accidents happen and will continue to happen world-wide including in Nigeria; and Dana Air crash will not be the end it of all air accidents. Air accident is a necessary concomitant of air travelling and so long as humans and science/technology rendezvous and agree to travel through air in a mechanical, sometimes tubular contraption, which periodically is bound to come apart, that long would disasters be expected; except that Icheoku prays they are not a frequently occurring incidents. So Icheoku asks what makes this Dana Air accident so special that it has to be so memorialized? What is the paradigm or reason de`tre here for memorializing this particular air crash and in this particular way, wasting peoples money on cement and mortar, just because some people lost their lives in a probable risk which they voluntarily undertook and which is routinely so undertaken by millions of air travelers around the world without much of an eye-blink? 

Icheoku, without equivocation or deference, categorically states that the Dana Air crash memorial was unneeded, unnecessary, unwarranted and a testament in misguided expenditure by a government on a shopping spree and lacking a trajectory of purpose for its being. Simply put, the Dana Air crash memorial was a senseless project by a directionless trial by error government which has not found its compass several years on the navigation deck of the Nigeria ship state. Conversely, a cheque made out by the government to the bereaved families and relatives of those victims would have been a better application of the resources spent on this cenotaph. It would have gone a longer way to palliate their hardship and by extension  been a worthier endeavor than a lifeless mass of cement and mortar. Icheoku understands that Nigeria deputy foreign affairs minister, one Onwuliri, lamented that the claim for her husband, a victim of the said disaster, was yet to be paid? Icheoku queries, if this one top heavy of Nigeria government, who could easily cushion the hardship of the loss of a beloved, possibly "bread-winner" is complaining of not having received compensation for her loss, imagine what those other hapless Nigerians, without means, whose primary and sole bread winners were claimed by the tragedy and who also are yet to receive their claims must be going through? Yet a government that is in auto-pilot is busy building and commissioning a useless cement structure called memorial instead of channeling resources wisely and more prudently. 

Assuming as a devil's advocate that Icheoku aligns itself with the benefactors herein that the memorial was erected in honor of the lost victims and not necessarily the accident per se, query:- how many such monuments would therefore be erected in the lifetime of the Nigerian Aviation industry, the sordid, parlous and horrendous state of it taken into advisement that many more lives would be lost in the future? Which future accident would thereafter not be worthy enough of a memorial since the precedent has unfortunately now been set with the Ikeja-Lagos Dana air crash memorial? Further, how about the several past air accidents in Nigeria air space, some of which claimed more Nigerian lives than the one in situ? Icheoku asks where is the memorial for the Ejigbo Babangida-fingered air accident that wiped out a crop of young and promising Nigerian army officers? Icheoku queries where is the memorial for the Sosoliso Port-Harcourt plane accident that claimed hundreds of lives of innocent children returning home to their parents on holidays? Who have erected a memorial for the yet another Port Harcourt plane accident in the Atlantic Ocean that claimed hundreds of lives including the poet Claude Eke? What about the Mambilla Plateau Obasanjo-fingered plane accident that wiped out some Nigerian Army Generals? Then relating back, there was the December 1983 Enugu plane accident which claimed hundreds of lives including the daughter of then Anambra State Governor CC Onoh as well as the entire family of then Senator Uche Offia-Nwali, Icheoku asks, where is its cenotaph? The last but not the least, Nigeria must not forget so soon that the Sultan of Sokoto Maccido and his emirate council as well as serving a Nigerian senator and other high ranking Northern personalities perished in another supposedly Obasanjo engineered plane accident in Abuja, Icheoku says, show Nigerians its memorial? 

Nigerian officials will not spare a second in analogising that the memorial is similar to what obtains elsewhere especially in America, a country which they always hurriedly refer to in most of their clever-by-half comparisons. Needless to say that they pick and choose their comparisons as it suits their convenient talking points - a case of learning the bird's singing skills without as well learning its flying skills. However the same Nigerian officials will not enlighten ordinary Nigerians, whose tax-payers and oil money is being wasted in this manner, that it is only in certain circumstances such as where such a tragedy was induced by act of third parties and not necessarily act of God that such memorials become necessary. In the United States for example, there is the 9/11 memorial in New York and another in Shanksville Pennsylvania, there is the USS Arizona memorial in Pearl Harbor, Honolulu Hawaii and there is also Oklahoma City bombing memorial just to name a few. But in all these cases, the accident or event which affected Americans' general psyche and thus necessitated the erection of these memorials were triggered by third parties - Osama Bin Laden, Japan and Timothy McVeigh; but they were never an act of God such as a purely mechanical failure of a flying aircraft. Icheoku asks Nigerian authorities to show us where the memorial exist for several United States of America air disasters including the Alaskan Air Pacific ocean plunge, the New York Queens Jamaican bound aircraft plunge following 9/11 on 9/13 or thereabout, as well as so many other air disasters similar to the Lagos Nigeria Dana Air accident for which millions if not billions of Naira has just been fretted away in the name of erecting a memorial? 

It would have been understandable if the Dana Air disaster was a terrorists event and the people of Nigeria, being so psyche-damaged therefrom, needed something to reassure them that they are still standing and would not be intimidated by it. But erecting a memorial for a purely an accident-event is rather an over-reach of those people in authority in Nigeria as there are so many other things the expenditure would have been better situated than marking a very tragic air accident. Which political leader was lost in the accident that Nigerians should be so compensated with a statue or cenotaph in his or her honor or remembrance? Icheoku asks, henceforth, would there be always a memorial erected for every air accident that might likely occur within Nigeria airspace; and would there be additional structures erected to retroactively mark and "honor" all past air accident victims and they were several hundreds of lost Nigerian souls? Call the observation callous and unfeeling for all Icheoku cares; but the problem with Nigeria is that no one tells people in authority the truth and as a result they speed themselves to self-destruction on the wrong side of developmental needful projects and to their eventual doom that after their sojourn in the seat of power, no one remembers them for the mega projects they executed or laudable policies which they entrenched. They are instead scornfully reminisced for several missed opportunities to do the big things and for a wholesale failure to deliver on the expectations of the populace. 

This systematic misappropriation of opportunities is the bane of Nigeria in comatose and it is what engineered the catastrophic cenotaph of thoughtlessness that is Dana Air crash memorial; needless to add that some people made quick money out of it in stacked over-billed invoices. Icheoku and millions of other thinking Nigerians want to know how many such air tragedies will be so cenotaph-ed in the future especially during the lifetime of an administration which profligacy is becoming drunken-sailor like; an administration which seems not to know what its priorities are or ought to be and an administration burdened by the leadership of a president, who is so preoccupied with idleness and suffering from 'nothing to do' syndrome, that he shows up at so many weddings and funerals? Icheoku asks is the seat at Aso Rock now too hot for his butt to sit down and think out solutions to Nigeria's myriad of problems that he goes to even child-naming ceremonies and by extension usurping the supposed duties of his vice president? Icheoku says something is wrong with a country that produces such leadership and something is wronger with such a leadership that cannot strive to assuage the fears of the thinking section of the populace and thereby earn their trust and confidence and peradventure also meritoriously assert its term in office. A joker and/in a country of clowns is never a good mix and you ask Icheoku where are the promised breathe of fresh air themed democracy dividends; except that you just found one in the Dana Air crash cenotaph for crying out loud. Go figure.

VLADIMIR AND LYUDMILA PUTIN, NO LONGER AN ITEM!

Icheoku says what mother Russia had put together, unbridled licentiousness and loneliness has put asunder; and so it is that the fabled strong man of Russia became a weakling on the home front and was not man enough to do what it takes to keep his home safe and secured. Russia's President Vladimir and First Lady Lyudmila Putin's marriage have gone with the wind; its center did not hold as cravings for younger skirts by Vladimir have driven the older love interest over the cliff and she had to walk away. Icheoku says yet another evidence that marriage does not work, never worked and will never work except for those who live in denial and put a facade of happily ever after. Icheoku says to Vladimir and Lyudmila, happy trails.

OBASANJO DESERVES TO BE CAGED - TANKO YAKASSI.

"Whenever Obasanjo disagrees with a person, he will carry the fight to his place of worship, to his dining table and sometimes, he will even be fighting the person in his dream. He is unforgiving and his method of disagreement with people is sometimes a matter of life and death." - Tanko Yakassi; reacting to the recent outburst of Obasanjo in Dutse castigating President Jonathan for keeping him in the dog's house and away from calling all the shots in Aso Rock. 

Icheoku adds, may be it is about time the Otta deity is arrested and tried for his numerous misdeeds during his presidency including the Halliburton scandal. Further, Obasanjo's membership of the PDP should be suspended since he is now more of a problem than a solution to the wellness of the party; which has increasingly become more apparent since he lost his third term bid to cling to power. But only if Icheoku were Jonathan and Jonathan were Icheoku?

ORAL SEX IS DANGEROUS - MICHAEL DOUGLAS.

Icheoku says the "Surgeon General" Michael Douglas has warned men to beware, pause and ponder before going downtown on their women. According to the oral sex expert, going down on women is not good for you. He spoke from experience having nearly died from throat cancer which he claimed resulted from his giving too much head to his women over the years. Icheoku wonders which of his women gave him the cutties. But hey, something is going to kill everyone and if it is oral sex, so be it.

CUNNILINGUS, MICHAEL DOUGLAS SAYS NO.

Icheoku says the recent confession by Hollywood great Michael Douglas that he partakes in munching of the female genitalia would have gone as an ordinary event except for the time-bomb he threw when he cautioned against it. According to the Wall Streeter, cleaning the female oven exhaust with your mouth is dangerous and will cost you; particularly where the said recipient is afflicted by the the human papillomavirus HPV. 

Experience they say is the best teacher and narrating therefrom, the man who divorced his first wife Diandra in a costly 1997 Hollywood divorce and later married CZJ in 2000 said his throat cancer ordeal was a result of his giving too much head to such afflicted female/s? Icheoku says Michael had lived with his first wife for over fourteen years before his divorce and did not get throat cancer and then married Catherine Zeta-Jones? It is on record that the divorced wife Diandra timely disclosed that "her female junk is squeaky and whistle clean;" which tentatively leaves CZJ as the most likely culprit and possible carrier of the HPV which caused Michael the throat cancer? So far CZJ is yet to clarify her health-status regarding HPV and if she turns out to also be as clean as a wind driven snow, then Michael Douglas has some explaining to do regarding his marital fidelity; except however he is like Bill Clinton who never considered ORAL a form of sex and therefore did not CHEAT on his wife or wives? 

Be that as it may, whether or not Michael Douglas cheated on his women is their private matter and Icheoku will pivot now to discuss the most important issue triggered by Michael's unguarded moment disclosure; except of course it is yet another Hollywood attempt to spotlight the issue of HPV just like Michael Johnson did with his HIV-positive disclosure over twenty years ago only to turn into a billionaire business mogul with no apparent signs of the debilitating disease ever manifesting? Whatever be the case, two things sprang up from what Michael said:- one, Michael Douglas is like any other Joe walking out there who in attempt to please his woman or women's libido, goes down on her or them; admitted that many a men have confessed they reluctantly clean the chimney just to satiate their women's craving and not because they particularly like the smell or taste of the human sushi down there. The other issue raised is that such practice causes affliction of cancer of the throat or should Icheoku rather say of the mouth and tongue and lips? Otherwise why would the HPV leave the primary contact of lips, tongue and mouth and travel to the oesophagus to cause damage if indeed cunnilingus is to blame according to Michael Douglas? 

Now the million dollar question is why all of a sudden, an act as old as sex and other known human copulation has become toxic; or was the finding a result of very recent scientific evidence or what? Cunnilingus predates civilization and there is no known annals of victims who died from afflictions therefrom. So why would it now suddenly morph into somewhat hazardous act that will kill the giver but not the receiver? Icheoku does not know the answer but suffices it to say that with or without Michael Douglas' alarm, going downtown has come to stay and no amount of fire in the theater alarms would end this practice. Moreso those recipients daughters of Eve will rise up in arms against all the Michael Douglas(es) of this world to demand a retraction and query how dare they try to throw a damper on what pleases their sexual fantasy most. Icheoku will not also be surprised if the alarm was fixed to make HPV vaccine manufacturers please Wall Street better by offloading their warehouses and pharmacy counters of their products? 

Whatever be the case and whenever and however the latest controversy is finally resolved, who knows if is this alarm was possibly a conspiracy by chauvinistic males who are tired of their ever demanding female partners to please them sexually and decided to do something to stem the tide by providing medical reason to end the involuntary OBGY oral examination? Icheoku says Michael Douglas has surely stirred a controversy that would occupy the national discourse for quite sometime. Serving as the devil's advocate, Icheoku asks, could the women of Michael Douglas maintain an action in slander against him for insinuating that they are infected with HPV and in any other event, force him to disclose the recipient of his oral services, who was the carrier, from whom he contracted his throat cancer? But the good news is that everybody is going to die of something, someday; and if giving oral delights you and you thereafter die from it, so what? Moreso since HPV is so random that "anytime you have a sexual experience with another person, an intimate experience, there is possibility that you will get the virus" says Dr Hutchinson; so whats the ruse and hullabaloo about cunnilingus is going to kill you? Icheoku says, Michael, please don't be a Grinch that stole Christmas for women in the sac. Lastly, when the latest health-scare dust finally settles down, one thing will never go away and it is that cunnilingus now has a new face in Michael Douglas; just the same way HIV/AIDS is personified in the other Michael, Michael Johnson.

CHINUA ACHEBE BURIED, REST IN PEACE.

 

Icheoku says Professor Chinua Achebe's progression into eternity is now complete with his burial at his ancestral home in Ogidi Anambra State on May 23, 2013. The burial was well attended with Presidents Jonathan of Nigeria and his Ghana counterpart in attendance among other dignitaries. However Nobel Laureate Wole Soyinka was conspicuously absent at the burial of a fellow literary giant leading Icheoku to query whether it is the Yoruba unforgiving propensity that conspired to force Soyinka to stay out the burial; possibly because Achebe called out their Papa Awolowo on the role he played during the Biafran genocide supervised by Yakubu Gowon in his last work "There was a country." 

Icheoku says whatever be the case, Professor Chinualumogu Achebe was uneventfully buried and what he said about and concerning Awolowo remains a truism; and as far as Icheoku is concerned, the Yoruba antagonists can stuff their anger in their you know what for crying out loud. What kind of people holds grudge against the dead simply because he memorialized the truth about the role played by their tribal lord Obafemi Awolowo during the conspiratorial Biafran genocidal war? Icheoku was around during the war, Icheoku read the book and adds that Achebe was even too respectful in what he said about Awolowo as Icheoku could have done worse were places traded. 

"There was a country" is a good book and every Nigeria should read it for an insight into what went awry and spoiled the country that once was - NIGERIA. Icheoku had an opportunity to take it to one so called Egbe Oduduwa in Diaspora legal adviser who mistook the "country" that once was for Biafra instead of Nigeria. Anyway, Icheoku says adieu Prof and thank you for the good fight.

STATE OF EMERGENCY, JONATHAN FINALLY FINDS HIS MISSING BALLS.

Icheoku says it is an action which time had since come and become long overdue and hereby congratulates President Jonathan for stepping up to the plate to do what is necessarily required of him as the chief custodian of security in the country. The unabating, metastasizing insecurity in the land does no one any good including those in the sidelines currently cheering the mayhem being visited upon the land just because Jonathan is the president, admitted he has not come to judgment. 

As with all revolutions, it is pregnant and no one knows the dimension it might eventually snowball into if left unchecked. If it is Jonathan today it might be a Haruna tomorrow and Okoronkwo the day after tomorrow or another Olayinka with other sections providing the cannon fodder for anarchy. Be that as it may, Icheoku hopes the president will allow the security forces do what is needed to get their job done and if it means shooting some people, so be it; if it means rendering to waste some neighborhoods, so be it; if it means going up against some very high-ups, let such action be welcomed provided normalcy is restored in such stricken and handicapped neighborhoods or states of the Nigerian federation. 

Like the president said and Icheoku concurs, "every Nigerian has a duty to stand firm against those who threaten the sovereign integrity of the Nigerian state; and every Nigerians' will should be strong because Nigerians' faith lies in the indivisibility of the Nigerian state." Biafra was shot down under this guise and Nigerians must now ensure that the same tenet that applied then applies today and not allow any part of the geographical entity to unravel the contraption. Icheoku says 'way to go President "I now give a damn" Jonathan.'

ABATI'S ODE TO JONATHAN, A RESPONSE.

"Yes, great minds like Abraham Lincoln, Mahtama Ghandi, Martin Luther King and Kwame Nkrumah made the world easier. Yet whatever they achieved was with plainness of approach, honesty and integrity. They were not attained with dourness and stupidity. They came out of a vibrant methodology and pragmatic visions. Jonathan lacks these qualities. Comparing the man Jonathan to these great minds is illusory and vain." - Dr Olusegun Fakoya

'AMERICANS, "I DON'T UNDERSTAND THEM" - TAMERLAN TSARNAEV.

Icheoku says deceased Boston Marathon terrorist-bomber Tamerlan Tsarnaev was indeed a demented soul crying out for help (acceptance) and for a long time too? He felt trapped, alone and lonely in a society that he considered predominantly, exclusively racist. Just listen to him rant about having no single American friend all the years he had lived in America and called it home; and that he "do not understand them;" and you see a picture of a disillusioned hermit, pining away in a "foreign alien land" and suffering from internal isolation. In his own words, Tamerlan Tsarnaev, speaking of his frustrations about life in America said:- "I don't have a single American friend; I don't understand them." (FYI:- Tamerlan is pictured in color left while his brother Dzhokar is afro-haired and in black and white) 

Icheoku queries if life in America for Tamerlan Tsarnaev was or became so unbearable, why did he not just pack up and leave, since no one was going to or would have stopped him from leaving the country? If life in America was so brutish and much more brutal than the life Tamerlan Tsarnaev had in Chechnya Russia wherefrom he migrated and sought asylum in the safety of America, why didn't he simply move back to his birth-homeland and enjoy the "bliss" there? If life was as inclement as this pitch-fork terrorist made it out to be, what stopped him from just moving away to any other country including Canada, Mexico or even Nigeria for crying out loud? But no; instead, he and his brother chose the path of infamy and exploded weapons of mass destruction at the Boston Marathon, killing several and maiming hundreds of innocent people including women and children; as well as causing property damage. What a pitiful guest this guy was to a caring city which took him in after he sought protection from the undertakers in his then motherland? What a dept of gratitude repaid, indeed?

Did these victims deserve the fate visited them by the Tsarnaev brothers? Did the city of Boston deserve to be targeted in this manner or any other way? A city which had provided these animals with a place of abode, education and means of livelihood all these years they lived in America? What about the untold psychological disturbia these munchkins hoisted on Marathon loving athletes the world-over who will henceforth have to deal with the enveloping effect of this unfortunate incident hounding them each time they put their lungs and sinews to the ultimate test in endurance? What about the American populace that was beginning to move on from the nightmare that was September 11? In short what about the world populace who are beginning to feel that the war on terrorism is achieving its objective of making the world relatively a safe place again? Icheoku says the answer to these questions are rather emphatic denunciation of the Tsarnaev brothers act and these guys deserve not to breath a day longer than is necessary to pass them through the crucible that is American justice; albeit the only surviving Dzhokar who must now be made to suffer the maximum penalty prescribed under our laws. Their act is despicable, inexplicable and uncalled for; and no REASON whatsoever justified or would justify or attempt to justify it. Such terrifying fear-hostage situation cannot, shall not, must not and will not be tolerated or accommodated in any civilized decent society that still values law and order like ours, period. 

What Icheoku does not get, did not get, refuses to get and would not even try getting or in any other event attempt fashioning an explanation to, is why the elder Tsarnaev felt so depressed and so isolated in America, yet still lived here? Why did he decide to, instead of moving to an "Eldorado" elsewhere, vent his raging anger and frustration on the society by inflicting so much pain and suffering before ending his own decrepitude miserable life? Why did the Tsarnaev brothers so tragically bomb innocent athletic men and women participating in the Boston City Marathon as well as their supporters, including little children? What made a frustrated Russian imbecile to co-opt his brother for this tragic journey of no return which once again inflicted indelible agonising pain on the American peoples' psyche? As a matter of factually speaking, Icheoku says the "whys" are not any longer important and/or are not necessarily as important as the assured punishment which the surviving Tsarnaev should and will receive, his elder brother having already met justice via law enforcement bullets. It is just crass wickedness and evil; and whatever be their motivation, Icheoku does not care to know or like President Jonathan of Nigeria would say, "don't give a damn" about it. They can instead, stuff it in their you know where.

Whatever be their grievances; however extensive the provocations; however widespread the aggravations, however egregious their misgivings were with the American society or her government, those victims were not directly or in any other way responsible for bringing it about and therefore did not deserve the hand dealt them by these Tsarnaev killers. The killed, maimed and wounded did not create nor continued to prop the system which supposedly isolated the Tsarnaevs and prevented them from completely assimilating into life in American society. Their paths never crossed nor did their eyeballs look the evil-eye at them. So assuming the Tsarnaevs had an axe to grind with the American society, why did they elder Tsarnaev not take his pent-up anger to the American peoples representatives: - the policy makers in Washington or Massachusetts State's Capitol or to Wall Street or even the Pentagon? Why non policy actors or implementers; people who probably are feeling what Tamerlan allegedly felt if not worse? Or because of the tin-man cowards they are, they rather chose a soft target to registered their malignant complaint?

May be if Tamerlan Tsarnaev had interacted more, watched more television or even porn, went to a baseball game or the NBA, gone to rock concerts, attended a barbeque or tailgated in an NFL game, participated in community organizing or any other all American pass-time, may be, just may be, he would have understood the Americans or at least tried? But instead the cowardly nymph embarked on meaningless vengeance and waylaid defenseless and innocent athletes, killing, maiming and injuring so many. Icheoku says if these terrorist-bomber brothers are not the lowest common denominator of the lows, the ground-zero of all shrivelling scumbags, the worst type of contriving maggots and most foul-smelling human excrement, then nothing else so qualifies. To death, shall the surviving Tsarnaev brother be put, in order to join his already dead brother in Hades. He deserves the worst kind of tortured death like a fire-roasting while alive, except that civilized behaviour would not allow that today. Dzhokar deserves to be severely punished for what he did in order to deter other would-be future terrorists, some of who are possibly already in our midst, lurking and lying in wait for the opportune time to take their cheap pot shot at Americans. 

However, now serving as a devil's advocate, Icheoku asks why did the Tsarnaev brothers attempt to do the impossible - "understand the Americans?" In response to terrorist-bomber Tamerlan's awe at not understanding Americans, Icheoku says no one does and not even Americans themselves understand themselves. If anyone is in doubt, take a look at the Congress and Senate where elected officials seem to be in perpetual fight over their lack of understanding of one another and what it is actually that the American people sent them to Washington to do and want from their law makers. America is a complex, highly developed and educated society with unbridled penchant for always asking why? It is a society that is very calculating and always asks, what is the trade off? It is a very impatient society with the know-how and a can-do spirit and ability and which often gets them frustrated when the world seems to be rather too slow to appreciate what is required of them. It is a highly motivated and patriotic society which rallies around anything and everything American, the internal jaw-jaws and frequent democratic disagreements not withstanding. Americans are also highly emotive society and reacts accordingly. They are sometimes easily pissed-off by indecisive dillydallying and stupidity of others. To Americans, impossible is not always a good answer as they can crawl around or punch through any problem for a resolution. To Americans, the saying where there is a will there is always a way is true religion. We also love life and can go to planet Mars to have a good piece of it.

Continuing, Icheoku says Americans are also very brave and courageous people who are not afraid to take on any one who makes them mad. They are not timid nor intimidated by anyone, not by Bin Laden, not by the Tsarnaevs and not even the DEVIL himself; afterall who can put fear in people inhabiting a God's own country? They are somewhat restless as they continuously seek to conquer challenges including terrestrial frontiers like Mars, developing new medicines to tackle diseases as well as rushing to the aid of other countries needing emergency assistance and disaster relief. They are a driven-people on high octane fuel and enmeshed in high-speed this, high speed that. This calls to mind one commercial which says "It is my money and I want it now!" When Americans want something, they want it now and this is what the rest of the world sometimes does not, like Tamerlan, understand about Americans - the urgency with which they troubleshoot issues. They are highly mobile and most Americans have moved about three times in their lifetime - relocating and calling different nooks of the country home at one time or the other. Icheoku was bitten by this bug and have moved severally too. Americans don't suffer fools lightly and usually cut through the chase. They will go to the end of the earth to rescue an American citizen in trouble as they take care of their own, especially if abroad. The law of the land is supreme and everyone is amenable to. Americans are time conscious and have zero tolerance for laxity; and could many atimes be hot-tempered. They owe their primary allegiance to America and to no other person, sovereign or country. But they are definitely not MEAN. America is and still remains the best country in the world compared to any other countries in planet earth, despite a menagerie of social problems prevalent therein including racism and intractable acute homelessness. 

Tamerlan and Dzhokar Tsarnaev, this is the America Icheoku knows and understands. This is the America Icheoku have known for several years and proudly calls HOME. The Tsarnaev brothers, may be if you had applied yourself more, tallied a little longer, asked the right questions, did the right things, mixed and mingled more, may be you would have understood Americans more and better and thus saved everyone the painful experience that was Boston City Marathon bombing. Like their uncle said, the Tsarnaev brothers "never acclimated to life in America" and Icheoku adds, so are many other millions of people in America who are living within their own ethnic communes and enclaves within the American society. This habit makes one to wonder if the society they left to come to America was that all good, why did they leave it in the first place or was it a case of a snail which can never get rid of its shell? Like many other things in life, coming to America is one thing and soaking it up is another and that is where the rub meets the pavement as to the choice people make here. Unfortunately this feeling of being a strangling stranger in a strangeland America, which was the choice exercised by the Tsarnaevs, ultimately led to their waterloo; but not before they visited mayhem on Marathon guests of the city of Boston.

What an irony of fate it is that a guy who once noted that "there are no values anymore" and worried that "people cannot control themselves anymore" seemed to have himself fallen through the cracks as neither "value" nor "control" manifested in this heinous act that was Boston Marathon bombing. Icheoku says that neither "value" nor "control" was Tamerlan's strongest suit; which begets yet another question - was Tamerlan another Pharisee of our time? Thence, Icheoku is forced to wonder, whether something terribly wrong suddenly snapped in him to herald such plummeting deacceleration. Regrettably, the answers to these questions will elude us forever as Tamerlan died with them, and without giving security operatives the opportunity to pry them out of his mouth.

BOSTON MARATHON BOMBERS,, HEADED TO NYC - BLOOMBERG?

"We don't know if we would have been able to stop the terrorists had they arrived here from Boston. We're just thankful that we didn't have to find out that answer." - Michael Bloomberg, Mayor of New York speaking on the Divine providence that stopped Boston Marathon bombers cold and prevented them from getting to New York to prosecute their terrorism act. 

Icheoku says well put together Mayor and in a case where lack of desired answer was a preferred option. 

However no one seems to acknowledge the hijacked guy, without whose cruel fate, those Boston Marathon bombers might still be on the run. Imagine a scenario where Boston operatives would have been looking for their suspects - "the dark-skinned" terrorists, while the real "fair-skinned" terrorists would be miles away in New York causing another mayhem. Thankfully a bad incident of a vehicle hijack led to the solving of such a heinous crime of no mean magnitude. As far as Icheoku is concerned, this guy is the real hero and deserves all the credits for solving the Boston Marathon crime and should get any and all available rewards thereto.

Also thanks to the technology of the IPhone and Mercedes' imbeded tracking devices which triangulated and honed operatives to the mad men of Russia from Dagestan Chechyna. The rest as they say, is now history and one lived in real time.

OSHIOMHOLE TAKES IT TO IGBINEDION.

“I want to send a warning to Chief Igbinedion that he should take it easy. He walks as if he is above the law. I want to put him on notice that if he continues with (his) elderly rascality, I will bring him to justice. He must never ever underestimate the fact that I have the will and I have the capacity to deploy that will. If he crosses the line, he will be cut to size. Elders must teach the younger ones to behave responsibly. If he misleads himself into believing that he has the birth right to continue to appropriate and privatise the resources of Edo State, he is living in a fool’s paradise.” - Adams Oshiomhole chastising Igbinedion.

Icheoku says to Oshiomhole, we've got your back and if you cannot bring the Esama to justice, just take justice to him; either way he gets an assured  rendezvous with justice. Igbinedion is thus served and the notice is sufficient. Thank you Governor for standing up to the man who thinks and believes that everything, including the air people breathe in Bini as well as through out the entire Edo State, revolves around him. Way to go NLC president and hopefully someday president of Nigeria as Nigeria needs a real man, who is breathing fire, in Aso Rock to cut these hogs to size. It is about time someone manned up against all these perverts derailing Nigeria and continuously putting it on a perpetual all motion and no movement spin; which peradventure  benefits the few to the chagrin and detriment of the majority. Icheoku concurs.

CHINUA ACHEBE GOES HOME, MAY 23 2013.

The good with Professor Chinua Achebe will be interred with him on May 23, 2013 in his country home town of Ogidi, Anambra State, Nigeria. The world reknowned literally giant will be will be laid to rest with his ancestors after a sojourn on this earth that was well accomplished and fulfilled in so many ways; except that the country that was never recovered itself in his lifetime. Icheoku says this Nigeria's inability to become truly a nation possibly would be Achebe's biggest regret. Adieu Chinualumogu.

WHO BOMBED BOSTON MARATHON?

Who dunnit? Icheoku asks who is (are) the culprit/s that wrought havoc in the world-famous Boston Marathon? Who is the faceless depravity that took the innocence of Boston Marathon and ensured it will no longer be business as usual in the world's meet where the best of the best in endurance come to prove their mettle? A world-reknowned proven grounds for people with bigger and better-conditioned lungs as well as other physical attributes? Icheoku asks should the agencies be looking inward or outward in their task of unmasking the mass-murderer/s that wrecked the havoc that was last Monday's Boston Marathon? Are they home-grown terrorists or the usual suspects - Al Queida Inc? 

Icheoku is quite hopeful and confident that sooner than later this puzzle will be solved and like the leading investigator said, if it means going to the end of the earth and moving mountains to put a face on these scums, consider it done. The President equally emphasised that these terrorists will surely meet an assured rendezvous with American justice system and Icheoku adds, can't wait. Borrowing from the words of President GW Bush, 'those who wrecked Boston Marathon will soon hear from the rest of us'; as they not only attacked Boston but also attacked what makes America the stand-out country it is - simply the country before which there is none other all things considered. They made a go at our FREEDOM and our response is a big HELL NO, you ain't gonna succeed. These scavengers have murdered sleep and until they are arrested, tried and sent away to rot in Colorado maximum security prison, 300 feet below the grounds, they shall sleep no more! What a basal scoundrels these people are that took the life, among two others, of an eight year old boy who came with his family to watch a future he could later explore and possibly exploit. Needless the say that the boy's sister lost her leg in the attack as well as his mother who was badly injured too.

Now a BBC correspondent asked Representative Frank Barney of Massachusetts why and how it was possible that the bomber was able to infiltrate the condon and plant his deadly cargo at the locus in situ with the saturated police-presence therein without being detected? The Massachusetts' Representative, apparently peeved at the question, did not go on the excursion. Icheoku adds, that angle should also be investigated by the agencies trying to fathom an answer to the what, the why and the who of the bombing. This becomes imperative as the police claimed they made repeated security sweep along the route of the marathon with one last sweep just few minutes before the event started. Icheoku queries, why did they not see the IED package or was it planted after and if, by who or was the bomber possibly wearing a police uniform not to have be noticed? The other issue raised was President Obama stating that America will like to know why the Boston Marathon was bombed among other things. As far as Icheoku is concerned Mr. President, "The Why" is not that important as it is somewhat self-explanatory. It is anger, hatred and a despicable appetite by some mongrels to cause havoc, pain and suffering and thereby instill fear in the people of America and thereby scare them with terrorism, period. But the good news is that they failed and failed woefully. 

They thought that by bombing the Boston marathon and killing three innocent people as well as injuring hundred others that it was going to be a mission accomplished - that they win? Icheoku says to these dregs of the society that they are sore losers as Americans cannot be shaken into becoming a fearful jelly, not by the tin-man twerp that bombed the marathon. Osama Bin Laden tried it by killing over three thousand Americans; yet we did not lose our faith nor our resolve; instead we hunted him down and smoked him out in Abotabab and today he is sleeping with the fishes in the waters of the Arabian Sea. So to all skunks world-over who think that by bombing any place in America and taking the lives of Americans alongside that they are going to win, Icheoku says you better examine your head as your faculties possibly short-changed you; otherwise history would have educated you better that Americans do not run away from a job that needs to be done. From the Brits to the Mexicans/Spaniards to the Japs to Hitler to Saddam Hussein to Gaddafi to al-Quieda and the list goes on. It is same provocation and similar outcome - VICTORY. It may take a while but the end is always an assured certainty - America will triumph as good always thumps evil.

According to one commentator Boston is a city known for three things viz:- politics, sports and revenge; and the last is what they seek on the perpetrator of the Boston marathon bombing. Icheoku however begs to disagree with the revenge part on the case in point as Americans will simply be bringing the animal who did this to justice or better still taking justice to him or they depending on what calls first. It is a case of either Moses comes to the mountain or the Mountain will go to Moses but somehow Moses and Mountain's part MUST meet and greet. There is simply no way this dweed will get away with murder and mayhem; not as long as there is still air in our lungs and sinew in our arms. It simply is not going to happen. They have a certain fate and that fate is not palatable. To Bostonians, Icheoku says your pain is shared by us all - the freedom loving peoples of the world. Like the World Trade Centre 911 bombing which impacted every part of the world, Boston Marathon had representative runners and participants from virtually every part of the globe so the world will do whatever it takes to bring these animals to justice for poking their filthy finger in our eyes. Americans refused to be intimidated or terrorised by demented and cowardly sons of bitches; onward match forever is our collective destiny and it is our duty to protect our cherished freedom. Our sympathies to the bereaved and the injured.