CUNNILINGUS, MICHAEL DOUGLAS SAYS NO.

Icheoku says the recent confession by Hollywood great Michael Douglas that he partakes in munching of the female genitalia would have gone as an ordinary event except for the time-bomb he threw when he cautioned against it. According to the Wall Streeter, cleaning the female oven exhaust with your mouth is dangerous and will cost you; particularly where the said recipient is afflicted by the the human papillomavirus HPV. 

Experience they say is the best teacher and narrating therefrom, the man who divorced his first wife Diandra in a costly 1997 Hollywood divorce and later married CZJ in 2000 said his throat cancer ordeal was a result of his giving too much head to such afflicted female/s? Icheoku says Michael had lived with his first wife for over fourteen years before his divorce and did not get throat cancer and then married Catherine Zeta-Jones? It is on record that the divorced wife Diandra timely disclosed that "her female junk is squeaky and whistle clean;" which tentatively leaves CZJ as the most likely culprit and possible carrier of the HPV which caused Michael the throat cancer? So far CZJ is yet to clarify her health-status regarding HPV and if she turns out to also be as clean as a wind driven snow, then Michael Douglas has some explaining to do regarding his marital fidelity; except however he is like Bill Clinton who never considered ORAL a form of sex and therefore did not CHEAT on his wife or wives? 

Be that as it may, whether or not Michael Douglas cheated on his women is their private matter and Icheoku will pivot now to discuss the most important issue triggered by Michael's unguarded moment disclosure; except of course it is yet another Hollywood attempt to spotlight the issue of HPV just like Michael Johnson did with his HIV-positive disclosure over twenty years ago only to turn into a billionaire business mogul with no apparent signs of the debilitating disease ever manifesting? Whatever be the case, two things sprang up from what Michael said:- one, Michael Douglas is like any other Joe walking out there who in attempt to please his woman or women's libido, goes down on her or them; admitted that many a men have confessed they reluctantly clean the chimney just to satiate their women's craving and not because they particularly like the smell or taste of the human sushi down there. The other issue raised is that such practice causes affliction of cancer of the throat or should Icheoku rather say of the mouth and tongue and lips? Otherwise why would the HPV leave the primary contact of lips, tongue and mouth and travel to the oesophagus to cause damage if indeed cunnilingus is to blame according to Michael Douglas? 

Now the million dollar question is why all of a sudden, an act as old as sex and other known human copulation has become toxic; or was the finding a result of very recent scientific evidence or what? Cunnilingus predates civilization and there is no known annals of victims who died from afflictions therefrom. So why would it now suddenly morph into somewhat hazardous act that will kill the giver but not the receiver? Icheoku does not know the answer but suffices it to say that with or without Michael Douglas' alarm, going downtown has come to stay and no amount of fire in the theater alarms would end this practice. Moreso those recipients daughters of Eve will rise up in arms against all the Michael Douglas(es) of this world to demand a retraction and query how dare they try to throw a damper on what pleases their sexual fantasy most. Icheoku will not also be surprised if the alarm was fixed to make HPV vaccine manufacturers please Wall Street better by offloading their warehouses and pharmacy counters of their products? 

Whatever be the case and whenever and however the latest controversy is finally resolved, who knows if is this alarm was possibly a conspiracy by chauvinistic males who are tired of their ever demanding female partners to please them sexually and decided to do something to stem the tide by providing medical reason to end the involuntary OBGY oral examination? Icheoku says Michael Douglas has surely stirred a controversy that would occupy the national discourse for quite sometime. Serving as the devil's advocate, Icheoku asks, could the women of Michael Douglas maintain an action in slander against him for insinuating that they are infected with HPV and in any other event, force him to disclose the recipient of his oral services, who was the carrier, from whom he contracted his throat cancer? But the good news is that everybody is going to die of something, someday; and if giving oral delights you and you thereafter die from it, so what? Moreso since HPV is so random that "anytime you have a sexual experience with another person, an intimate experience, there is possibility that you will get the virus" says Dr Hutchinson; so whats the ruse and hullabaloo about cunnilingus is going to kill you? Icheoku says, Michael, please don't be a Grinch that stole Christmas for women in the sac. Lastly, when the latest health-scare dust finally settles down, one thing will never go away and it is that cunnilingus now has a new face in Michael Douglas; just the same way HIV/AIDS is personified in the other Michael, Michael Johnson.