MARRIAGE, DON'T DO IT?

Icheoku says unless you find compatibility in a potential spouse, please for Jove's sake and your sanity, don't get entangled in the goddamn bondage. It is not worth it and it is not compulsory nor time constrained; except of course you don't care, in which case you might as well do it with any first caller, regardless. But for all those faithful passionate romantics, if you don't feel it, please just don't do it, just walk away. Just remember that any excuse or reason will suffice and when there is none, just use the "I changed my mind" one. The sky will not come tumbling down on your head simply for previously agreeing to but only to later disagree. 

Flip flopping is acceptable in marriage intentions or even for ones already consummated, if need be. It is called clear thinking and there is nothing wrong in honestly giving such a huge life commitment decision, involving with whom to spend the remainder of one's life, a serious rethink if you have to. To help you do this, first ask yourself what do you need out of a marriage, not necessarily what you want from a marriage; and determine if the intending spouse will help you fulfill that. If not, then run to the hills as there is no need hoping to later try fixing what was none existent in the first place. This failure to uncover is the primary reason why people are mostly miserable in their marriage; in what would otherwise be a very pleasurable experience.

Ask yourself if you had a choice, would you? If you are made a trade, would you deal? If you are in a dark room, do you still like what you see in him or her? If you are deaf, will his or her voice still sound musical to your ears? If he or she is absent, do you still feel her or his enveloping presence around you? Do you break out a smile thinking about them? Do you always wish they are with you or do you dread their presence? Can you go to bed on an empty stomach but not feel hungry with them around? Do you see some beauty in things around them which other people might consider none existent? Do they make you ever hungry for their presence that a little absence keeps your mind wondering how well are they faring? Do you like their company and being seen with them - kind of to flaunt them? Can you swear by them and completely see them as indispensable and irreplaceable. When you feel these things, then know that you are one heartbeat away from landing what doctor a-fulfilled-marriage prescribed and ordered. Compatibility is the key to success of every marriage; it comes first and should come before any other consideration.  In short, it should be the very bedrock of everything marriage. 

Without it, the other two Cs of marriage - Children and Comfort, cannot and will not be enough to hold down the marriage. Some people marry for children and once they get them, the marriage is literally over. Some also marry for perks of marriage and once they are securely plugged in, it is bye-bye to the marriage as divorce settlement will be more than enough. But with compatibility, once you find it, it is welcome marriage and it is here to stay. So ask yourself what is the cardinal factor for you in considering a step in that territory - is it children, comfort or compatibility with spouse? Remember that nothing good comes cheap and whereas children and comfort could be sourced from anyone, compatibility is definitely not that readily and so easily available. 

It is rare and precious and like a good flawless diamond, is very difficult to find. This is the reason why self-assured people do not rush into what they will later regret by either rushing out of it or grudgingly suffer prison-like term therein, while maintaining a retinue of paramours. This rare breeds would rather wait marriage out than get entrapped in a hellish situation. But at the end of the day, it is for everyone to decide and determine what works and what does not work; and what he or she considers utmost importance - either to marry or not to marry and why. Admitted it will be good to find the three Cs in every given marriage; but life does not always work that way, which leaves you with choosing what is more important to you in order of hierarchy and then proceed accordingly.

But always remember that while a marriage can survive childlessness, financial difficulty and occasional general problems/discomforts including health issues, it cannot and can never survive incompatibility of spouses. So once you find the lucky one, your soul-mate, be thankful and grateful; and then work it to make it work for you. Always ask yourself what can you do to make the marriage work better as you pray that your partner is similarly disposed and wired too. If mutual, it turns into a bliss with each spouse seeing him or herself as the missing link and then works tirelessly hard to supply it in fulfillment of the partnership. However, if you do not find any of these three Cs persuasive enough reason for taking that great plunge, then consider flying solo. 

You might be better off just remaining single and not feel needlessly yoked down just to yield to societal pressure. It is not for everyone and the good news is that it is not compulsory; so you can damn anyone who mouths off about your single-hood. Marriage is not an obligation as Jesus never married; neither did Mary Magdalene nor the pope, his cardinals, archbishops and reverend fathers. Better still, you can also simply ignore them as busy-body meddlesome interlopers, who are up to no good; and only interested in muddling your happiness. Being single is a right not a privilege, so no one can take that away from you if you don't want. If you are happily married and fulfilled, then kudos to you. But either way, curb your enthusiasm and remember that you can never have it all. Be grateful and thankful for what you have, especially if  you are lucky to have a fulfilled companionship. Salute.