TIGER WOODS, THE FALL FROM GRACE OF THE CABLINASIAN GOLFER!

Linguine-spine former golf-great, Tiger Woods, has finally thrown in the towel. He has just quit golfing and it is indefinitely? In a message posted on his website titled “Tiger Woods taking hiatus from golf;” he wrote, "after much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person." What a holly-molly of a bombshell! What was this Tiger thinking or smoking lately?

Icheoku says, it would appear that this Tiger is a quitter? First he ran away from his very abusive wife after receiving the beating of his life; a run he continued when he hopped bare-feet, inside his Cadillac SUV and so disorganised and confused, crashed into a fire-hydrant and then a huge tree? Again he ran away from the world and stone-walled, after he was caught pants-down with over thirteen bimbos who turned out to be prostitutes, hookers, waitresses, escorts and other low-life 'street-women.' Tiger quit from explaining himself or telling his side of the story; and it is safe to say that only Tiger Woods knows what he derives from coupling with such kiss-n-tell despicable lowly daughters of Eve! But would he quit on his wife, Elin; who knows? Now, Tiger Woods has quit golfing; may providence save this much complexed-man, with no identifiable racial-constituency, from finally taking a jump off a cliff or a bridge somewhere?

Icheoku asks, was this Tiger thinking that nobody will ever find out his philandering ways or the identity of the Harlem of those dirt-cheap women of easy virtue he condescended himself to have liaisons with; or that they will remain hidden from public knowledge and forever? Now burnt and feeling the heat of his misjudgment, the only way he know to combat the situation is to go into hiding and periodically issue lame online messages, thinking that he is doing enough? Tiger Woods, Icheoku says to you, you need to grow up and understand that your snippets of online messages will not cut it. What the world, including Americans, are expecting from their former golf's great is for you to man up, step up and open up about the most lecherous sexual liaison of the decade; and thereafter, sincerely apologise and ask for forgiveness; possibly with some stammering and choking words including some few tear-drops. A full and complete mea culpa, that is what will solve what is broken - the trust which your pretence or double-life helped to build over the years since the world acknowledged and accepted your golfing abilities and prowess.

Regrettably, you have no major racial constituency to get your back and cheer-lead your defence; and the only one you identified with "CABLINASIAN," is yet to make it to the world's knowledge, dictionaries or encyclopedia including Wikipedia; hence its memberships are not known! Now the white race hates you for riding roughshod on so many of their blondes? Asians do not care about you because you did not follow in the footsteps of your daddy to make one of them your wife? You are definitely not Chinese, or Arab or Latin so none of these people will come to your rescue? You arrogantly and expressly 'denounced' your blackness when you denied being a blackman and invented the word 'Cablinasian' to fit your warped sense of a lonely and strange race which no one else has joined its membership ever since? Tiger Woods, Icheoku says, your persona is fraudulent and you have deceived everyone with accepting the fraud you presented all these years as a wholesome American male, who can see no evil, speak no evil and hear no evil? Now, who is the philandering sly coy man?

Anyway, Icheoku had earlier promised not to dwell with this sexcapade of the year; but with the bombshell you just dropped that you are quitting golf, we were forced to come-back to just comment on the development and once again make our exit. What were you smoking and who advised you on this unwise move? Did Bill Clinton resign the presidency upon Monicagate scandal? Did South Carolina governor Mark Stanford resign over his Argentina-love trip-gate? Did Kobe Bryant quit basketball and his case was even much serious; after-all none of the whores in your life alleged any rape? David Letterman is still cracking his midnight jokes, so why would you? There were several options out there, any of which would have helped in your rehabilitation but you chose none of them, why? Did you think about flat-out denials, after all there is no 'blue-dress' smoking gun involved; and it is not a crime to have sex with a consenting adult and you are not a politicians or other public official? Second, you could have admitted one liaison with one of the whores and deny the other twelve, or were there some evidence that irrefutably implicates you? Better still you would have staged a dramatic appearance on national television and blame it on your detractors who are bent on bringing you down?

What about the devil or temptation, assuming you do not have 'detractors?' Also, you could have asked for understanding, telling the world in a well rehearsed tearful mono-tone remarks that you have sexual addiction and that you will check into a rehab and will work seriously to tame it? As a last resort, you would have told a bare-faced lie that you will consider a chemical castration just to assure your wife and sponsors that you will go to any length to fix what was broken; after-all you already have two kids. But quitting for however short or long is a cut and run; and such half-measures does not augur well with Americans. Americans like men with balls, men who are men; and people who feel sorry for their transgressions and ask for forgiveness. Americans are a forgiving people and your story would have died off the radar by now; but no, your online messages is simply adding fuel to the Santa-Ann wind driven blaze of a cheating scandal! Americans are not idiots and we prefer people who will not bullshit us or stone-wall us unreasonably out of their committed sins of infidelity, but open themselves up, wide enough that we can literally see the inside of their guts by way of their coming clean.

But please Tiger, be assured that walking away or "taking a break" from the thing that made you who you are, is not the smartest decision for you to make at this time. Also, your team have poorly managed this crisis ever since it blew wide open, leading to so many asinine comments in blog-sphere and mainstream media. In one such comment, a blogger made this observation:- "One late-night collision of car, club and hydrant broke the seal of golf star Tiger Woods' cool persona and let loose a Pandora's Box of sleaze." If you abhor this new identity which is fast sticking on your once impeccable image, you need to hire some new PR firm to start laundering your singed image and immediately; as whoever have been advising you this past few weeks is not doing a good job. Until we see your face on television, explaining in full details what transpired that very early Friday morning; including your romps with these cheap whores and then apologising and asking for forgiveness, the mussing will go on. Icheoku asks you TW, have you considered your best option, the finality of a divorce; - may be an amicable one where both you and Elin will share custody of your children. It is our firm believe that your marriage is irreparably damaged and only a divorce can truly save you; having become the 'usual suspect' you can never be trusted by Elin or anyone with anything to do with a woman's groin; not after thirteen bimbos have implicated you! If you were man enough to cheat on your wife, you should also be strong enough to divorce her and walk away and retain whatever manliness that may be left. So please, Icheoku once again advises TW to GET A DIVORCE!

Here is TW's message of admission of guilt, of sleeping with 13 hookers while still married to a former nanny, Elin Nordegren:-

"I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try. I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing. After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person. Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period."