NIGERIA'S BANKRUPT LEADERSHIP, GOVERNOR PAYS FOR PRAYERS?

Report reaching Icheoku from Kastina Islamic Sharia state of Northern Nigeria has it that Governor Ibrahim Shehu Shema has voted N20 million Naira (about $20,000) for "special prayers" to enable his kinsman, the vegetative Nigeria President Umaru Yar'Adua to recover? When you think you have heard the last and enough of the stupidity and idiocy of these northerners, out of Kastina comes the mother of all wonderment - a state governor spending states money to engage some Islamic mullahs (prayer-warriors) to chant their incantations in order to heal a gravely ill kinsman? Assuming such possibility exist, was the amount negotiated, and what percentage of it will go to Allah?

Certainly a misplaced priority for a state with very high unemployment rate, little to no infrastructure and where the nuisance of almajiris is still an exploding reality. A situation brought about principally by the lack of education and joblessness of the youth, and a primitive retrogressive culture rooted in accepting ones destiny as is; and here is their governor engaging in a frivolity and foolery of the highest order. It makes every right thinking Nigerian to ask once again, why they still share one political enclave with these pedestrian and puerile human specimens inhabiting the Saharan desert of northern Nigeria? Icheoku remembers vividly that it was in Kastina's nearby Kano State, also an Islamic Sharia northern state, that the then Governor Barkin Zuwo converted his bedroom into a bank to bank state's money? His explanation was that he is the governor of the state and the money belonged to the state, therefore there is nothing wrong with a state governor keeping state's money in a state house which he happen to occupy; go figure!

Now the Governor Shema, so pandering and petty, has concluded that it is 'divinity to the rescue' of his kinsman, his predecessor in office and now comatose Nigeria President Umaru Yar'Adua. Medical science having given up and his Saudi Arabia hospital-landlord evicted him, the only recourse now is to pray until something happens and Yar'Adua is healed? His road-map, establish a direct telephone hot-line to his Allah through the voices of some 1700 innocent 'madrassa' almajiris-Muslim children to say prayer of intercession on behalf of Yar'Adua to help him recover? Icheoku says, if this does not bother on lunatic fringe, then the Christmas day diaper-bomber did not attempt to bomb an American plane over the skies of Detroit; and needless to say that the three actors here are all from Kastina Islamic Sharia state:- this impeachable governor pray for Yar'Adua, President sicko Umaru Yar'Adua and diaper terrorist Christmas bomber Umar Abdulmutallab. All of them, members of some axis of something? What an absurdity of thought and practice, representing majority of the unfortunate marauders Nigeria has been cursed with as leaders since independence in 1960. How can a person, so base and pedestrian as this man be a governor of a state, with responsibility of the lives and well-being of the citizens and residents entrusted to his ability? It simply explains the rudder-less-ness of the Nigeria ship of state which has since veered off course, having been piloted by men and women of very low intelligence, education and a sense of purpose.

According to his game-plan of 'Operation Petition Allah for Yar'Adua,' Islamic clerics or Mullahs will commandeer 1,700 almajiris from a spread formation throughout the state and representative of Kastina state and force them to recite repetitive monologues special verses from their Quran; which Allah will hear immediately because almajiris so asked? These voices that speak directly into the ears of their Allah will then be paid a paltry sum of N10, 000 each for their spiritual services, while those summoning mullahs, who are divided into two camps to direct the competition for the ear of Allah will each earn N100,000; while their coordinators or the mullahs' mullahs, will be paid N500,000 each. The prayer will last for few weeks?

Ordinarily Icheoku would not bother with this profligacy and wasteful squander of state's funds that is a common practice in Nigeria with virtually every custodian of authority and who have power over the purse of a state. However, our antennas sprang up because of this governor's anticipated result - that almajiris or street urchins who have a direct telephone link to their Allah's private number on a speed dial would make it happen as whatever they supplicated to Allah, Allah he will always grant? Yet these are homeless and abandoned and sometimes driven away from home children, who congregate daily on the street corners from where they march in a musical procession through the neighborhoods, chorusing a melancholic tune, usually for some pittance of food left-overs or some few Naira? This Governor Shema believed in its efficacy and he is seemingly educated, otherwise why would he expense states' fund towards such fanatical, maniacal and fundamentalist engagement. It is good to put on record too that Kastina Islamic Sharia state of Northern Nigeria was the premier sharia state in Nigeria. If you are a Nigerian, especially from Kastina, how proud would you be, having such a fetish-minded governor presiding over the affairs of your state? Icheoku says, this is another example of a belief system founded on the absurdity, and Nigerian politicians' proven reckless wastage of the peoples' commonwealth funds; simply put, Goveror Ibrahim Shehu Shema is another testament to the rot of leadership afflicting the Nigerian society.

A FALSE IMPRISONMENT, AS TURAI TAKES UMARU HOSTAGE IN ASO ROCK?

Icheoku asks, what manner of a wife would be so mean and unfeeling to completely isolate her husband, son of another woman and wilfully deny a mother access to her dying sick son? And this her husband and son of the other woman is the president of a people, the people of Nigeria? Admitted he was not truly elected by the people of Nigeria, but was rather imposed on them by a cabal of very despicable Nigerians led by Aremu Olusegun Obasanjo. Only a Jezebel on steroids is capable of such a vicious mischievous behaviour; and Turai Yar'Adua is that deviant poster wife!

Turai has totally cut off her deathly sick husband from the people who really care for him, and who really have his true and best interest at heart. People who would rather ensure that first things mattered most and should usually count first; and who would have persuaded Yar'Adua to free himself of the presidency and rigors of the office and go seek first proper health-care so as to rediscover his life, which is fast ebbing away. But Turai is having none of that, which begs the question, does she really love and care for Umaru?

Call it 'Madness 101' if you like, that a mother was not allowed to see her ailing son, a son she carried for through a 9 months gestation period, laboured and gave birth to; weaned, raised and trained until he grew into an adult and married a 'wife' who is now proving to be a Nigerian Lady Macbeth. Ironically this unfeeling, callous Lady Macbeth Turai has some children of her own and would not pretend that she is oblivious of a mother's abiding love for her child? Icheoku only prays, that in the spirit of what goes around comes around, someday karma will keep its cruel date with this Turai so that she can personally feel the pain which she caused Umaru's mother; and may be forced to understand how painful it could be that a mother is prevented from seeing her own sick and dying biological child? And that mother is aged and travelled some 500 miles to rendezvous with her sick son but was denied, because a venomous wife ordered so. Which woman would so flagrantly pretend ignorance that another woman's love for her sick son is not deep or sincere enough and prevented her from visiting or seeing him, hooked up to series of life-sustaining contraptions and laying helplessly and hopelessly unconscious, like a cartoon character in an intensive care unit mobile medical trailer? The woman with so much bile in her and who does not have any milk of human sympathy flowing in her breast has a name, she is Lady Macbeth Turai Yar'Adua of Kastina, Islamic Sharia northern Nigeria; a soon to expire First Lady of Nigeria.

Also she did not allow the vice president and acting president of Nigeria to see his boss, the ailing president? The president's own ruling party's henchmen and governors could not see the president because Turai said so; and likewise were the president's 150 million country men and women who "elected" and "hired" him as president, but who till today have not heard or seen their president for almost 100 days now? Icheoku asks, who then can see, or is qualified and important enough to be allowed to see President Umaru Yar'Adua, when these very important people including his biological mother, his vice and his party's chairman were refused access to him? Put in another way, is Umaru Yar'Adua now, a completely transmuted ghostly apparition which no naked eye can behold any longer; or will the eye that see him black-out or weep blood in place of tears? No matter how bad his condition or how unsightly his cocktail ailments may have transformed or disfigured him, why does Turai think she is the only one courageous and brave enough of standing his horrible sight? Does Turai Yar'Adua not know that what Turai can stand, Alhaja Yar'Adua can stand better and with greater poise? Something is certainly not right with this picture, an extreme measure denying a mother access to her dying son. It also does not matter the subterfuge or is Turai saying that her love for Umaru far surpasses that of Umaru's own biological mother, who breast-fed him? It is only in Nigeria, the world acclaimed land of many outrageous possibilities, where such unreasonable madness could take place and be tolerated; and where the presidency is fused with the president and is an entirely family affair. What an aberration that Turai, isolated, sequestered, quarantined, and technically 'kidnapped' and 'imprisoned' Nigeria's president, and her action is condoned?

PRESIDENT UMARU YAR'ADUA, EVICTED FROM SAUDI HOSPITAL?

It would appear that all indicators now point, affirm and collaborate our earlier sidebar 'Latest F.Y.I.' posting that the suddenly-returned, incapacitated Nigeria President Umaru Yar'Adua was evicted from his hospital bed in Saudi Arabia? The authorities there in the Kingdom of Saud, on the prompting and instigation of the United States of America, unilaterally revoked their earlier 'open-ended' grant of hospital-stay to President Yar'Adua and shipped him back, still wired to his life-lines? If in doubt, ask yourself what is the urgency in bringing back to Nigeria an intubated and comatose president, in an air ambulance, fully sedated and unconscious and in the middle of the night, when his Aso Rock Intensive Care Unit (ICU) is still under construction, not fully up and running, or ready and operational to receive his greatly shrivelled skeletal body?

What suddenly so changed as to require such his hurried and secretive immediate return back to Nigeria; and which informed the sudden decision to rush back to Nigeria, a formerly missing president, who had been away from his duty post at Aso Rock for over 80 days, without any prior or required formal notification to necessary parties, before he absconded from Nigeria? To further buttress the story of his impromptu and sudden expulsion from Saudi Arabia, 72 hours after his alleged return, President Umaru Yar'Adua is still holed up in a mobile intensive care unit ambulance, where he will remain quarantined pending the completion of a permanent ICU on the grounds of Aso Rock; which Icheoku learnt from viable sources, is being unseasonably rushed through to completion. The pointer therefore is, if incapacitated President Umaru Yar'Adua freely came back on his own volition, Icheoku asks, why wasn't the arrangement for his return made in such a way as to conveniently coincide with the completion of his own private Aso Rock Intensive care Unit; so that he wouldn't have to remain isolated in a trailer-park of a mobile ambulance? We are talking about a president of a country and not just any other Joe Blow or Joe Six-Pack or Joe Plumber or Joe Terrorist out there in Nigeria! Why couldn't President Umaru Yar'Adua plead with the Saudi authorities to let him stay a little longer while work is completed on his own ICU? The reason was that the president had no choice or any input in the decision to deport him from Saudi Arabia and is not influential or important enough in ranking to influence anything or change any mind. The world powers, tired of the stone-walling of Nigerian high ups by his wife Turai, wanted him removed out of Saudi Arabia and the Kingdom saluted and complied.

What a shame that Nigeria, the clay-foot giant of Africa, had its president treated so shabbily, just because the said president and his predecessors negligently failed and refused to develop health-care facilities in Nigeria and have instead become objects of laughing stock in so many foreign hospital wards, corridors and consulting rooms. Now, is there any sympathy from us for such a monumental disgrace of Nigeria's sick President Yar'Adua being kicked out of his hospital bed in a foreign land, not yet recovered and still too sick to either walk or even feed himself? None, Nope, Nada as Nigerian leaders deserve such a disgraceful wake-up call, to force them to do some introspection and enable them become more patriotic and nationalistic to start looking inwards! Saudi Arabia as a country does not and did not manufacture any of the equipment or infrastructure in their Jeddah King Faisal hospital; but their leadership was patriotic and reasonable enough to expense their oil wealth in a good way, developing vital and needed infrastructures; rather than squirreling them away in unmarked band vaults in Switzerland and Cayman Islands like their Nigerian counterparts! Icheoku prays that this disgraceful and forcible eviction of Nigeria's President Umaru Yar'Adua from Saudi Arabia's hospital will be a positive lesson for all those charlatans, parading themselves as leaders of Nigeria, to look inward and start developing much needed medical facilities as well as other infrastructures in Nigeria, and henceforth put an end to their being unwanted but merely tolerated medical tourists in foreign hospitals, the world over.

Now pivoting to the issue of the madman, Commander of Brigade of Guards, Brigadier General Abdul Mustapha, who unlawfully and illegally deployed 300 Nigerian soldiers in and around the airport and Presidential villa, on the night Yar’Adua was smuggled into Abuja; Icheoku says, he should be fired immediately or retired forthwith for not only breaching protocol but for also unnecessarily escalating tension in the land? General Mustapha abused his command by parochially and arbitrarily engaging in acts considered very threatening to the Nigeria state structure, he pitched Nigerian soldiers against their commander-in-chief, the duly constituted Acting President of Nigeria. His order deploying these 300 Nigerian soldiers constituted attempted mayhem and anarchical disobedience, capable of causing a total breakdown of law and order in Nigeria. Simply put, such an anarchist is not stable and patriotic enough to dispassionately lead any military formation or command same without the discoloration of religious and tribal sentiments, unbecoming of a since commissioned officer and general of the Nigerian army. What if Acting President Jonathan Goodluck's loyalists have engaged them in a shoot-out thinking that a coup was in the offing, afterall the time and manner of their deployment have similar semblance with a military coup? What if Nigeria have become insufferably and completely enmeshed in a hellish conflagration as a resulting consequence of his brash action? To make matters worse, he took matters into his own hand and acted without any authorisation from any of his superiors and he did not have the military decency to inform them prior; and did not even consider seeking and obtaining the consent of the Acting commander in chief himself. The last time we checked, the Chief of Army Staff and the Chief of Service staff are still his military superiors and military operational procedures demands that such orders to deploy troops drips from top down. This unstable general even attempted to sabotage the 'chief' in commander-in-chief by arrogating that title to himself, thereby committed a treasonable felony against the Nigerian state when he implicitly challenged the authority of the lawful holder of that title? He should be tried for attempted coup or insurrection against the Nigeria government, period!

However, Icheoku is not easily buying the story that this General acted alone and on his own accord, and we therefore call for a full investigation into this wilful disobedience and snub of constituted authority, to unravel all those northern 'almajiris-in-uniforms' who do not mean well for the continued corporate existence of Nigeria. What these bunch of people do not however know and which Icheoku takes the pleasure to remind them and once again reiterate to them and their fellow desert-dwellers, is that "nothing must happen to Jonathan Goodluck!" Nigerians, especially southern Nigerians, are so tired and fed up to the neck with these mallams, that some of them who stayed out during Biafra-Nigeria civil war are now regretting and questioning why the northern Nigeria problem was not solved and finished then when that golden opportunity presented itself? This section of the country, should another opportunity come, will not hesitate one moment to show these selfish northern usurpers how much their arrogance is hated and loathed by other more meaningful and much civilized Nigerians. The arrogant idiocy of these mallams in uniform, robs Icheoku on the wrong side and these people forgot that the world at large has finally come to understand who they really are, and that any hostilities today will have a different outcome from the 1967-1970 Biafran war. Should anything ever break out, Nigeria as presently yoked together, will become history as bottled-up tension and simmering resentful animosity will surely boil over. So, Acting President Jonathan Goodluck should walk with swagger and act with audacity, knowing fully well that he is the bait which the northern mallams must not bite! Simply put, Acting President Jonathan Goodluck is a poisoned pill, filled with cyanide; and anybody planning or plotting to swallow it must be prepared to meet his makers. Enough!

Lastly Icheoku asks, does the Yar'Adua people have the president's best interest at heart in insisting and forcing him to continue in office? Is the Yar'Adua's presidency also his family's trophy to keep or did Nigerians 'vote' for Umaru alone and not jointly with his family? Why would anyone in that family then ever contemplate making one of his inlaws, the vice president? Available information filtering out of the presidential quarters in Aso Rock has it that the Yar'Aduas have given up on their patriarch's making it back to office, and are already scheming and making arrangement to nominate one of their inlaws as Jonathan's vice president when he is finally confirmed the substantive president? Icheoku questions whether this maddening power-grab by the president's family is not so inhuman and inconsiderate; coming so soon after the arrival of a president in life-support, suffering from Chrug-struass syndrome, failed kidney, skin-cancer, lung-emphysema, cirrhosis of the liver, a heart condition and likely, a broken heart? Why is he being so rushed out of this world by his greatest beneficiaries, his family, including his wife, Turai? Where is the love or is it simply a love for power!

Finally, that no one in Nigeria has seen the president since his purported arrival in Nigeria is a good omen as it speaks volume as to the president's finished state. Not the vice president and acting president Jonathan have been allowed to see him? Not the ruling party PDP chieftain and chairman Ogbulafor? Not the Governors Forum's chairman Saraki? Not other leaders of thought and well meaning Nigerians? Something does not sure smell right here, except if the whole story of his arrival back in Nigeria was just a ruse, a bone thrown to the dogs to divert attention from Acting President Jonathan Goodluck rising profile? You never know with these northerners, whose 'almajiri-culture' make them into a one-way thinking and herded fanatical zombies, who believe that their allah ordains destinies and must always fall in toe with their perceived leaders? A people incapable of thinking for themselves and have also proved incapable of providing the required leadership which Nigeria so much needed. In summation, President Umaru Yar'Adua left his body in Saudi Arabia and no one can see an invisible man except you are specially gifted with the vision of Turai Yar'Adua and co. So it is not even beyond doubt that he is back in the country; but good enough, Nigerians did not 'vote' for an invisible president and hence must demand of her national assembly to show courage and give them a president they can see and believe in! If Turai likes, and for all Icheoku cares, let her continue to shield the vegetative president away from Nigerians, including the governors and the governed; the result can only go one way - it will be to her detriment and to the benefit of 'a president-deprived' Nigerians. What a fast-track it would be to the relevant sections 144 and 145 of the constitution on incapacity of the president!

PRESIDENT UMARU YAR'ADUA RETURNS, WITH HIS GHOST BUT NOT BODY?

The missing absentee-President of Nigeria, Umaru Yar'Adua, allegedly was returned to Abuja after a very long sojourn, hibernating in a hospital intensive care unit in faraway foreign-land in Saudi Arabia? Forty-eight hours later after his arrival, no one in Nigeria has sighted him or seen his body, not even his vice president and Nigeria's acting president Jonathan Goodluck? Or could he have left his body in Saudi Arabia and a make belief Umaru purportedly in Abuja? This 'the more you look the less you see' magical return of the intubated president on a stretcher, forced one commentator to declare that 'Nigeria releaved of desperately searching for her missing president is now saddled with a phantom president?' A mirage president of Nigeria Umaru Yar'Adua - a fiction?

Remember the 'Invisible Man' movie; henceforth anyone in Nigeria wishing to see the president or have any meaningful interaction with him must have a third eye which makes ghostly apparitions visible, otherwise you are out of luck excpet you are of course clairvoyant! Imagine a head of government aka president of a country, who has been away without leave or any other reasonable authorisation for so long, in essence who had abandoned his duty post in Aso Rock, coming back after such a long absence - about 83 days, and yet did not deem it fit, as his first order of business, to address the nation or at least have a briefing with and say thank you to his vice president who has been holding forth for him in his extended absence. Now Icheoku asks, who is pulling a wool over the eyes of Nigerians on the state of health of President Umaru Yar'Adua if not the north east cabal who are now holding President Yar'Adua hostage to the seat of power, so that they can continue milking the honey pot of Nigeria? If Nigeria is a country worthy its sovereignty, the national assembly would have proactively preempted these group of selfish and self-serving Nigerians who are dangerously tasking the glue which have held Nigeria together for this long. Enough Nigerians and let everyone try to put the country above themselves; otherwise soon and pretty very soon, there may be no Nigeria for anyone to want to be in charge of?

But who elected Turai Yar'Adua to office or better still whose mandate empowers her to act as the de-facto president of Nigeria; that she should be this assertive in the presidency? When William Shakespeare penned 'Macbeth', little did this writer knew that he contemplated a Nigeria with Lady Turai Yar'Adua; who is now playing chicken with her husbands health just to cling to power. Icheoku calls on Lady Turai to remember that before her was Stella Obasanjo, Mariam Abacha, Maryam Babangida and the least goes on; such that after her, there will still be other First Ladies of Nigeria assuming Nigeria survives the present unnecessary pressure and stress she is being put to by the actions of Lady Turai and crew? A rural woman of inordinate ambition from Katsina, who never in her wildest dream, ever thought that she will someday become a first lady, now sees the office as a do or die position? The Igbos of south east Nigeria have a proverb which says, 'that those who never knew that they will ever attain the 'ozo-ship' title, when putting the ceremonial anklets, extends them all the way to their knees'; and so it is with Lady Turai Yar'Adua and her husband's presidency of Nigeria.

Once again, the entire blame of a Nigeria on a political-fork-on-the-road goes to the Otta deity, Aremu Olusegun Obasanjo for infesting Nigeria with a malignant and contageous 'Yar'Adua-isis!' Obasanjo brought this malady about when he truncated democracy and imposed a sick dying man and his power-drunk whore of a wife Turai, on Nigeria, as President and First Lady respectively! Icheoku says, Nigerians should hold Olusegun Obasanjo responsible should the nemesis called the Yar'Adau's, finally ever send the country to an abysimal point of no return where no country has ever gone and survived as one. Enough, Nigerians!

Further, what is unfolding in Nigeria at the moment has all the trappings of the deposed and disgraced former Attorney General of Nigeria Michael Kasse Aondonkaa; that on a hindsight may be allowing him to travel to Saudi Arabia through Senegal and Brazil was a political grave mistake, which has now come to haunt the acting presidency of Jonathan Goodluck? May be he should have been kept under survillance and not allowed to travel outside Nigeria, just like Olusegun Obasanjo once did with Augustus Aikhoumu, Babangida's fromer deputy? Aondonkaa surreptitiously left Nigeria after his humiliating demotion to Minister of Special Duties under the guise of a much needed vacation, through Senegal; then unto Brazil from where he jetted to his ultimate destination, Saudi Arabia? There he met with other 'co-conspirators' to force the political jack-knife of a situation, now playing itself out with President Yar'Adua being brought against his will and that of his medical doctors, back to Nigeria. The homecoming was unannounced and without any hint to the acting president Jonathan Goodluck; which begs the question, who is in really in charge in Nigeria?

It also does not help matters and cannot be easily explained away as a mere coincidence that the former governor of Delta State, James Onanefe Ibori was similarly located within that geographical belt, in Dubai, during this period Aondonkaa was making his circuitous transit to Saudi Arabia. Also, that three hundred well armed soldiers led by a Lieutenant Colonel orchestrated and managed the arrival of the 'phantom president' in the middle of the night and in a coverteous manner, without the landing lights or any other lights around the airport being turned on; and the cargo transferred into a waiting mobile intensive care unit ambulance immediately upon touchdown, and without the acting president having any wind of the whole operation tells a lot. An acting president and surrogate commander in chief of the armed forces, did not know or authorise or approve the use or deployment of the country's armed men, yet someone within Nigeria hierarchy of authority gave them the green-light and they obeyed, questions the loyalty of the command structure of the Nigerian military and calls for full investigation. Acting President Jonathan Goodluck, if ever he recovers from this frontal assault on his authority, should change all the military chiefs and deploy commanding officers throughout the country military formations since the present crop has now proved that they owe their loyalty elsewher and not to the country and her acting president! it is a national security question. Enough, Nigerians!

Icheoku has nothing against President Umaru Yar'Adua returning back to Nigeria and even resuming his duties immediately, assuming his body and soul will acquiesce him; but very resentful of the rubbishing of Nigerians by a few brash rascals who would rather the cricket mound is decimated rather than not catch the cricket? Like one of the two women before biblical King Solomon, they demand that the baby be cut into two halves! It would have been much easier for the polity if the north could serve out its arranged eight years term and yield way, without all these heart-racing. But humanity does not control nature including its right to make anyone sick and indisposed; but can't the north defer its eight years or whatever is left of the almost now over, four years of their presidency to another time in the future? Or is Nigeria going to hell in a hand's basket that they just want to get all they can get before the Titanic takes further water or the African clay-foot giant assumes room temperature?

Icheoku seriously believes that majority of Nigerians do not want to remain Nigerians and in the same country, otherwise necessary sacrifices and accommodations would have been made by all the sectional tribes especially the northern Fulani-Hausas in order to allow the country move forward without the unintended Umaru Yar'Adua's speed-bumps. But no, everyone is at each other's throat, demanding the first shot at Aso Rock and forgetting that there is only one presidential chair therein and that two captains cannot be on the same one ship. Nigeria can only either have a fully recovered and viable President Umaru Yar'Adua or an acting President Jonathan Goodluck at this time; but nothing less or more in order to ensure that the elastic band holding Nigeria together does not to violently snap with its unintended consequences. The military should also understand that no matter how tempting it may sound to emulate their neighbors up north in Niger Republic, that coups are no longer so cool and that Nigerians experiences under Babangida and Abacha makes that option a sour unpalatable grape. Admitted that the same bunch of human excrement and scumbags that queued up to offer Jonathan Goodluck their congratulations will be falling over one another to be the first to tell the military 'good to see you!'

The possible resolution is for the national Assembly to endeavor to have audience with the returned physical body and sound-mind of President Umaru Yar'Adua; and confirm for themselves that he is still cognitive and has enough vitality to finish his term in office. If not, they must courageously confirm Acting President Jonathan Goodluck immediately to a full president and let the chips fall where they may. Icheoku says, it is their wish-washy pandering tendencies that have left Nigerians in the lurch regarding the political authority in today's Nigeria. Just impeach the president on grounds of ill health induced inability to continue in office and close that sorry chapter of Nigeria's political pupillage. However, the best and most desirable option would be to peacefully let the country unravel and yield to its pre-independent status or better still pre-1914 amalgamation; barring a national soverign conference to decide its continued existential terms and conditions. Sorry, if we sounded despondent, it is just that Nigeria has a lot of potentials which is not being properly harnessed for the greater good and the south is death-tired of the arrogant north, continually and without ceasing, arrogating to themselves the right to perpetual ruler-ship of the Nigeria state and bestowing power over Niger Delta oil to whomever it choses, including Theophilus Danjuma. Enough, Nigerians! Please Turai cabal, let Nigerians see or hear from their 'lost but found' President Umaru Yar'Adua!

FALKLAND OIL DRILL, THE BRITISH SHOULD BACK OFF AND HANDS OFF!

It is incomprehensible and inconceivable that the British continues till this day, to lay claim to an Island 7000 miles away from its shores in the British Isles and only 300 nautical miles off the coast of Argentina. This glaring proximity of Falklands Islands to the mainland of Argentina speaks volume as to the true ownership of the Island; and British claim therefore becomes more pathetic when seen from the prism of Honk Kong which the same British hurriedly handed back to threatening China in 1997.

The Brits were fully aware that they are not and cannot be a match to a China made mad, and in their cunning manner decided to quietly concede their Honk Kong trophy to China, turned tail and scurried back to England. However they sized up Argentina and decided they can beat them in a war, hence refused to hand over the Malvinas or "their" Falkland Island to them; and even went to war in 1982 to protect and defend their ownership claim of that piece of real estate, which is apparently within Argentina's territorial waters or regional enclave? The meaty, nitty-gritty details of that war, the minutia details of how American intelligence helped turn the war around for the British, after the thumb-in-the-nose sinking of their HMS Sheffield by the Argentina navy, using French made and supplied Exocet missile, is not up for discussion here; but just a little excursion into and a rehearse of the history of the Falkland Island war.

Since 1982, Argentina has nursed their injurious and humiliating loss of a territory just within 300 miles of its shores to the British navy which sailed 7000 miles from the north sea; but they never stopped mouthing their claim of the island which continues till today. The British has however remained in a continuous occupation of the Island ever since and has since invested much into rebuilding dilapidated infrastructure and exacting their presence there. To further assert their ownership claim or rather right, they have now set sail to begin oil exploration and exploitation in the Argentinian Malvinas aka British Falkland Islands? Icheoku says, what an added insult to injury, prospecting for oil in another country's territorial backyard and daring them to show cause? Or is the British North Sea oil now exhausted or the ever-monstrous tidal waves up there in the north sea now too turbulent for a continuous exploration and exploitation that they turn to South America?

What are we saying, except that a British oil company, Desire Petroleum PLC, has set sail its oil rig 'The Ocean Guardian' to begin drilling for oil just 100km (62 miles) north off Falkland Islands, on Liz 14/19-A exploration well. A provocation of no mean magnitude which must stop henceforth and without any pre-conditions whatsoever; or be stopped by all the forces of all South American and Caribbean military resources if need be! So, Argentina President Cristina Kirchner must seize this opportunity and with President Barack Obama in the White House, demand forcefully that the British provocation stop immediately with a threat to send in her military. Nobody in the world wants a theatre of war opening up in Latina America so the world through the United States of America will hurriedly do whatever it takes to put out the fire of any ensuing barrage of artillery?

Icheoku also hopes that Latin American and Caribbean leaders who recently reached an agreement supporting Argentina over the sovereignty of the Malvinas (Falkland) Islands, will when push comes to shove, back up their rhetoric with action and send in their troops to sweat and die for the cause. If the Europeans can fight jointly through the auspices of NATO, Icheoku says, there is nothing wrong if Latin America and the Caribbean unite and jointly defend Argentina's ownership claim of the Malvinas. The creed should be, be your brother's keeper and defend South America territorial hemisphere since Islas Malvinas is South Atlantic America and not European. Moreover, the days of colonial acquisitions is since over and in the words of Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez, "Britain was being irrational and had to realise the time for empires was over". Every country in South America and Caribbean should therefore, like Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, pledge "to send their armed forces to Argentina's defense if British attacks".

Further, Icheoku says, the north sea does not extend to South Atlantic and therefore the British Defence Minister Bill Rammell was so full of it, when he said that his government had a "legitimate right to build an oil industry in its' waters" off the Falkland Island? Whose waters is it anyway; but definitely not Her Majesty's! What a balderdash, nonsensical and undiplomatic statement by the British; why didn't they argue similar position with the 800 pounds gorilla Chinese when they demanded and was given back Honk Kong in 1987? It is just an oppressive intimidation by the British, which the Argentinians should be brave enough to resist and if it means sacrificing for it, so be it. Icheoku is certain that the United Nations and United States of America will not standby and idly watch any unfolding escalation, but will call for a truce and possible negotiated settlement soon after the commencement of hostilities; wherein Argentina can offer to pay Britain compensation for their investments so far in the Islands and case over.

The military world over, does not chose its wars based on the superiority or inferiority of the opposing force, but in answer to a call to duty by its political leaders and in defence of its' country's territorial integrity. So if it means some thousands or even hundreds of thousands of Argentinians soldiers laying down their lives in and for Falkland Island, so be it; but never again Argentina shall you retreat and surrender! Icheoku says, the assertion by Mr Rammell that Britain "would take whatever steps necessary to protect the islands" is a tacit declaration of war and it is now up to Argentina to take him up on the threat and prove that Argentinians also have some balls too. Do not let another man intimidate you into a cowering submission and conceding what naturally belongs to you; let the hostilities begin and let the world watch Britain defeat the entire South America with Iran, China and Russia ready to play some roles in the ensuing melee. The defence minister adding that "they (British) have made Argentina aware of it" is also rather very cocky and arrogant a snub which Argentina must not fail to answer otherwise they will forever retreat and be humiliated by the loss of their Islas Malvinas.

Icheoku says that Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega call for "Britain to return the territory of the Malvinas to its real owners - to return it to Argentina" is rather naivete as nobody, not a country hands back freely what they toiled and shed some blood of its countrymen and women to take and retain. Like everything else on earth, if you want it, just have to take it by whatever means necessary - either you surreptitiously steal it or you simply take it by force. So Argentina and Latina American countries, Icheoku asks you, are you ready to pay a real prize for your Islas Malvinas? The now over 18 years old, 1982 seven-week 'picnic', which claimed the lives of 'only' 649 Argentine servicemen and women, will but be a child's play should another shooting conflict result; so you guys down there in Argentina must be prepared to bleed until the waters of Islas Malvinas turns red, if you sure want that Island back? The British loss of 255 men and women factors in to a 1:3 ratio average and so they will be calculating their next strategy based on that number, a position of strength; so go figure it out!

The third time is always a charm, so Argentina having lost the Island to the British first in the 19th century and again in 1982, who knows what their next bloody-attempt at asserting their sovereignty thereto will look like, and whether they will become victorious this time around? But hey, you cannot win if you do not play, so why not try, in order to find out Argentines? Icheoku however, decries the naivete of Argentina President Kirchner in calling for the British to come to a negotiation table over Falklands/Malvinas Island; since unbeknownst to her, only the weak negotiates and Britain has no need or any inducement whatsoever to come to any table with the Argentines. The British position which should by now be crystal clear to everyone in Buena Aires is, "if you want it, come and get it', period! If Argentina want to partake of the spoils, the 60 billion barrels of oil underneath the Island, then they must be desperately prepared to get it and at all cost possible, including dying for it. It is American rap artist, 50 Cent, who once sang, 'get rich or die trying'; as no Robin Hood or pirate of any kind, will freely give away what he deems his for the keeps.

So Argentina, if you want 'your' Islas Malvinas, start a war to win it back; and call for help from your Latin Americas neighbours. This is not a time for any charm-offensive by your fairly good-looking President Cristina Kirchner; let her not be timid since Gordon Brown will not swallow her with the world watching. What Lady Margaret Thatcher did in 1982, she can replicate and pull off in 2010, so she must be brave and bold going forward; if Argentina must force a settlement over the issue of Falkland Island. Until then, Icheoku denounces this British constiquadors' tendencies and expedition in the waters off the coast of Argentina and several thousands of miles away from the British Isles as provocative, bullish and an epitome of intimidating maritime adventure. If China could get back Honk Kong without much ado, why not Argentina with regards to Falkland Island or better still may be with some compensation paid to the British for their pain and suffering of losing an invested piece of real estate? Equity demands that, fairness calls for that and justices sanctions and approves that Falkland Islands or Islas Malvinas reverts to Argentina; so Gordon Brown and Cristina Kirchner, over to you!

ACTING PRESIDENT GOODLUCK AND HIS YANKEE VISITORS?

Guess who came to dinner at Aguda House residence of Nigeria's Acting President Jonathan Goodluck? Former President of the United States of America, George Walker Bush and his former National Security Adviser and Secretary of State, Condolezza Rice. They were in Nigeria over the weekend for a "private" visit and decided to pay respect to the man presently holding forth in Nigeria; whom they assured of world's cooperation and support?

Good and comforting, but who knows what they extracted from Jonathan in return as a bargain for their expressed support? Call it cynicism for all we care, otherwise what changed between a Jonathan Goodluck and ailing President Umaru Yar'Adua since both of them came to office through the fraudulent Olusegun Obasanjo gimmick of an "election" of May 2007? Why was it necessary for the Americans to now show this degree of support for Jonathan when they never cared, but practically ignored Umaru Yar'Adua? It is equally important to note that America has ignored Yar'Adua as long as possible and barely few weeks after Jonathan was bumped up to an acting President position, America's former President and former Secretary of State came calling in Abuja-Nigeria, felicitating with Nigeria's acting president? May be America approves of his acting presidency? Icheoku have no problem with this visit, and prays it marks the beginning of more American involvement and interest in Nigeria's affairs; and not again leave it alone for the British, who have not been very sincere in ensuring Nigeria's growth since her Independence in 1960. Icheoku welcomes the visit of these two Americans!

NIGER MILITARY CALLS JONATHAN'S BLUFF, TOPPLES GOVERNMENT!

Less than 48 hours after Nigeria's Acting President and Chairman of ECOWAS, Jonathan Goodluck declared that it is finished for military adventurists in government in ECOWAS West Africa countries, the military in Niger dared him and toppled the government of President Mamadou Tandja in Niamey! Whether this declaration will be a simple bluster or an action-backed promise lies in the womb of time as Icheoku and the world wait to see what happens next?

Jonathan Goodluck while addressing the 37th Summit of ECOWAS heads of states and governments in Abuja, capital of Nigeria, condemned 'the undemocratic efforts by some elements at carrying out illegal political changes in the sub-region; warning that henceforth, the West African sub-region would no longer tolerate any acts of political mis-adventure by such adventurist juntas? But unbeknowst to Jonathan and other delegates gathered, while he spoke and warned, the adventurists in uniform in neighboring Niger were rehearsing the final stages of their coup which eventually toppled the government of Mamadou Tadja 48 hours later. Icheoku asks, what does Jonathan plan to do now about this political misadventure in Niger or will he wait and watch as his "stern warning" is flouted with impunity in Niamey? It is a popular rule of the thumb that if you must shoot, shoot, don't talk; and if you point the gun be prepared to fire the hammer, otherwise your words will lose its weight and people will take you less seriously.

But what options are, seriously speaking, available to Jonathan's ECOWAS in view of the now unfolding political misadventure of the military in Niger Republic - condemn them; boycott them; sanction them or invade them to restore democracy in Niger? Icheoku says, whatever action Jonathan Goodluck and his ECOWAS decide to take, must be very bold and decisive; and meant to derive home the point that his warning against illegal political adventurism must be taken seriously and not to be flaunted; and that it is really time-over for military adventurism in ECOWAS West Africa countries. Anything short is a no brainier and will be unproductive. Therefore, Icheoku recommends that ECOWAS forces immediately invade Niamey to restore democracy there. Nothing short of an outright invasion will send the required sufficient message meant to serve as a deterrent, since sanctions and boycott or suspension have not worked elsewhere they were applied like in Guinea, Madagascar and Tandja's Niger? Jonathan should give the junta in Niamey 48 hours to quit and follow it up with contingents of soldiers flown into Niamey with express mandate to confront any anti-democratic forces therein, wrestle power from those usurpers and restore democracy.

Admitted that former President Mamadou Tandja invited the military putsch, when he drank the power cool-aid which many African leaders usually drink while in office and refuse to yield power, when he unilaterally elongated his term in office against Niger's constitutional provisions; but the political establishment would have been allowed to resolve it instead? In other words, it is this constitutional illegality of former President Mamadou Tandja that provoked the coup; but we are not sure whether the fact that an illegality of a military coup which confronted an illegality of a budding civilian dictatorship cancels out the illegality? Is such double negatives enough to legitimize the coup and make it acceptable, since it could be argued that the Niger Republic military was only fighting in defense of the democracy in Niger Republic? The right question needing an immediate answer is, would the coup have taken place were it not for the greed and attempted power-grab of former President Tandja, who embarked on an illegality of making himself a life president like the rest of other African despicable 'perpetual' leaders including Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe, Egypt's Hosni Mubarak and Libya's Moummar Ghaddafi?

So, the middle of the road solution to Niamey's political limbo would be for the military to leave together with former president Tandja; and allow the speaker of the House of Representative or the Chief Justice to be sworn in as interim president, with express mandate to conduct a fresh election within a reasonable short time. Former President Mamadou Tandja should in addition to his removal from office be banned from politics for life, for attempting to hijack democracy and destroy Niger Republic. The former government in Niger Republic without President Mamadou Tandja, should be restored immediately; and the Squadron Leader Salou Djibo led Supreme Council for the Restoration of Democracy commended for their patriotic duties but asked to return to the barracks forthwith. Elections can be conducted within the next six months by an interim government in order to allow democracy to continue to flourish; but any attempt to tolerate the coupists no matter for how short a period of time will spell doom for democracy in ECOWAS West Africa countries, as it will encourage other waiting-in-the-wing adventurists in other countries to follow suit. The message to the Niger Republic military adventurists should be thanks, but no, thanks! Olusegun Obasanjo bravely once stopped a military coup in Fernadapoo and Principe when he escorted their deposed president back to the country and restored his government. So Jonathan, now is the time to prove that you are a good student of Obasanjo's political bravado?

Regrettably, those soldiers in Niger Republic did not learn any lesson from their Nigerian counterparts on how to patiently wait out the political establishment, to resolve whatever "tense political situation" that existed, which they created? At least they had a president who is well and functioning, but Nigeria's own president abandoned his office for over 78 days without any formal notice of his whereabout, yet the rebranded and now well disciplined Nigerian military waited patiently until the politicians resolved to empower the vice president as Acting President; thereby taking out the fire from the furnace of an over-heated polity. On a hindsight, Icheoku says, may be the military in Niger would have killed President Mamadou Tandja for his inordinate ambition to truncate democracy arbitrarily, instead of capturing him and impliedly allowing him another shot at someday in the future of screwing up democracy again in Niger. Just finish the animal off and send a strong message that such clever-by-half elongation of office as Nigeria's Olusegun Obasanjo once contemplated with his third term bid, will be resisted and punished drastically.

Finally, as the world awaits the responsive action of ECOWAS to the development in Niamey, Icheoku asks, when the newly constituted Supreme Council for the Restoration of Democracy will restore democracy in Niger? If not, will Acting President Jonathan Ebele Goodluck of Nigeria going to put his word where his mouth is by denying the military adventures the bounties of their coup or just chicken out on grounds that Niger is a suspended member of ECOWAS and therefore cannot benefit from his new mantra? Just let us know Mister ECOWAS chairman whether you are going to invade Niger to restore democracy there or ginger sanction or whatever you intend to do; but remember that your address at ECOWAS 37th Summit is seating in judgment of you at this time.

ACTING PRESIDENT JONATHAN GOODLUCK'S LIFE, IN DANGER?

The Almighty Lord said, 'touch not my anointed one' and as things stands today in Nigeria, Acting President Jonathan Goodluck might for all intent and purpose pass for that 'anointed one!' It is an acceptable act of faith that all powers belong to God and that he chooses whom he wants to make king or president! Icheoku says, Jonathan's meteoric rise to power within such a short time and without paying excessive dues to get there, is a clear indication that some divinity is closely at work in matters that appertains to him.

Now some sad stories out of Abuja has it that some evil men are hatching their evil-plot to get him out of their way? But by the special grace of the living God whom many of us serve, and who, before Jonathan was even born, knew that he is going to one day become the Acting President of Nigeria, will not let evil triumph and these evil men can never succeed or have their way. Icheoku affirms that it shall not be well with these evil plotters.

We want to believe that this story has no merit whatsoever, but we must be watchful and vigilant since all smokes usually have associated fire somewhere. According to sources, one of the conspirators was caught on tape threatening that 'they will deal with the acting president' for daring to step in their way and stop them from massively looting Nigeria through unscrupulous allocation of oil wells. In an alleged intercepted/surreptitiously recorded statement, the voice at the other end and a co-conspirator was heard saying, "We have to deal with him; we have to kill him"? Icheoku says, and these people are plotting against the head of state and acting president of Nigeria? What an utter madness; this allegation is so very grave indeed that the government need to immediately tell Nigerians what they have so far uncovered; in addition to a full disclosure of the identities of the conspirators, especially the man who owns the voice on the record? This full disclosure will help Nigerians see and know those people that do not mean well for the country. Let us pray that it is not also a set-up to get rid of some people, clear them out of the way and let the new party begin; without fear of any insider and possible a Yar'Adua's spy taking notes for onward transmission to Turai in Jeddah? Also let us hope it is just a cruel joke, otherwise; assuming it were it to succeed, it will be the quickest way to yield the core of Nigeria resulting in the final, total and complete disintegration of the country known as Nigeria! But the good Lord will not let these few disgruntled individuals have their way, as Nigeria marches on to provide the necessary leadership the West African sub-region yearns for and in their own democratic environment where things are settled politically.

Icheoku condemns this plot as evil, devious and capable of causing great mischief throughout the land; destroying whatever is left of the last fabrics of mother Nigeria; hence every person of every persuasion who still desires one strong Nigeria should put his/her hands on deck to help Jonathan succeed. Let Nigerians not allow this distraction take more of the present regime's time in office so that Acting President Jonathan Goodluck can concentrate on his job, which needs a lot of catching up to do. Nigerians should pray that these anti-Nigeria conspirators who want to do harm to the acting president are quickly identified, rounded up and finished off. What they allegedly did is treason and commands the death penalty; so Jonathan, bare your fangs and bring these people in for immediate justice. Please do not be intimidated by these cowardly threats and just carry on governing.

Also remember that now is the time to reconstitute your cabinet for new fresh ideas to come in and in order to disrupt these conspirators and deny them both access and reach. Your constituency in Bayelsa State supports you! Niger Delta supports you! South-South supports you! Southern Nigeria supports you as well as the Nigeria state. So, an attack on Jonathan is an attack on all Nigerians, who their National Assembly voted to authorise Jonathan's new acting capacity. Such a northern Nigerian-perfected subversion of governance will not be tolerated ever again in Nigeria; and this sitting acting president might be the tinder of the mother of all fires which will finally consume Nigeria should the unexpected happen! ENOUGH of this pretence by the north that they have the 'exclusive right to ferment violence,' because they don't and they should be mindful that their veins also contain blood. The north must realise that this is 2010 and that things have since dramatically changed; the days of fear of them and intimidation caused by them is since over. It is a new day in Nigeria as a Ph.D, humble, God-fearing Christian is in the saddle of Nigeria's leadership. Let us pray that Jonathan Goodluck succeeds!

KEVIN SMITH, SOUTHWEST AIRLINES MADE THE RIGHT CALL!

Icheoku is at a loss on the recent umbrage against South West Airlines because it enforced an existing airline policy on obese passengers, by throwing fat-head Kevin Smith off its plane? Or is KS not nearly morbidly obese? It is a standard policy, so it goes against the grain for anyone to say because Kevin is a Hollywood face, the existing policy should not have applied to him; and there lies the crux or rather fork on the road of this argument. In America everyone is equal or at least supposed to be equal, the reason we are a nation of laws and not 'henchmen' or special people; so what is wrong in removing a Micheline tire-man, who could not fit inside a single seat of an airplane, from the airplane? Since when has the name Kevin Smith become synonymous with immunity? Here is a young man who is just 39 years old, stands 5ft 8ins tall and weighs probably 350 pounds; and who once complained bitterly about his ballooning weight, so it is not as if he is not aware of his excessive body luggage? This Kevin Smith also once admitted in 2008 of 'breaking a toilet seat' which could not sustain his massive weight for the short period it takes to do some nature-call; and who also once wrote concerning himself, "Fuck, I wish I was still that thin. I’ve porked the fuck out, man. I’m really, really fat right now."

Icheoku asks, if as all the evidence points to, Kevin Smith is aware of the excessive meat he had packed and is still packing on, and that most airplanes and in this case South West airlines, have a standing policy on obese people, why did he expect to be treated differently? Did he expect the airline to pretend that because he is a recognisable Hollywood fellow, he is no longer fat enough for the policy to apply to him? If anyone ever comes out of this drama looking bad, it should be Kevin Smith for demanding a different application of a standing rule as it affects him, simply because he is a film-director/actor? If he feels so special, why was he not flying in a private jet; and if he does not have one yet or cannot afford one, why did he not settle for first class; and if South West does not offer first class seats, what was he doing flying on South West in the first place? The last time Icheoku checked, several planes out of northern California to Los Angeles area operates first class cabin including Virgin America, United Airlines etc? Is he rather so cheap to fly coach on South West and expect to be treated as a special Kevin Smith, the Hollywood film director/actor? Such will be ridiculous and laughable and he should be ashamed of himself for throwing up all the dust that 'if you look like me, South West airline will not allow you to fly with them' sentimental tweet!

What Kevin Smith really needs is the phone number of the NBC television reality show, the 'Biggest Loser' that he may enter their booth camp towards off-loading all the excess fat he is carrying, towards a healthy size for a man under 6ft tall? Should the 'Biggest Loser' not accept you, hire a private personal trainer and let him transform you into a sizable man - it is healthy, handsome, smart and sexy; and being a fat-head slobby walrus is so yesterday! Also, you can help yourself by quitting junk fast foods; it is given that most obese people are guilty of unhealthy diet indulgence? One problem militating against Americans is the idea of "political correctness" in everything we do and in every word we utter, where peoples' sensibilities cannot be 'offended' and the good old school hard-knock truth are sacrificed on the alter of maintaining the "touchy-feelly", everybody fell good atmosphere, symptomatic of our present day society. Why should it be difficult to tell Kevin Smith to his face that he is fat? A thing which he probably have been telling himself but lacking the will power to get off his arse and do something about it. Icheoku asks Kevin, do you like what you see standing in front of the mirror while starring at yourself or have you removed all the mirrors in your bathrooms? The issue here is not even purchasing two tickets, since that will be one person denied that flight because a fatso is flying on two seats? The issue raised in this brickbat is for Kevin Smith to do something about his weight, lose some weight or better still, go buy a private jet to fly himself around and avoid the inconvenience of flying coach with people starring him and wondering what a fat pig he is? What about the health hazards of being so obese from heart problems to diabetes etc and he is just only 39 years old?

Like Kevin Smith rightly asked in his twitter, "I know I'm fat, but was Captain Leysath really justified in throwing me off a flight for which I was already seated?" Icheoku answers, yes, you betcha ya the captain was damn justified in enforcing an existing policy on flying gluttons, since elephants do not even fly, whether or not on two seats? Yes, you broke an implied regulation not to be excessively over-weight and your size is a safety risk since you might fall asleep and roll over on a fellow passenger? These are possibilities and anything and everything is possible. Even the oxygen your massive body will require will excessively depreciate those available for the rest of the passengers and crew? Talk about your rapid laborious breathing and obstruction of the view of a back-seat passenger? What if there is an emergency requiring fast exit from the plane and your fat-arse is on the way inhibiting prompt exit - such will endanger fellow passengers who are behind you from leaving the plane speedily and safely? These are possibilities and everything is possible? Did you think about such hazards, Kevin? Just in case you are living a lie and in denial of your obesity Kevin, Icheoku affirms that you are not only "way fat" but also already there and since a very long time ago! Your saying that you are 'not there yet' is delusional and a false consolation; the earlier you wake up from this slumber party of yours and face the reality starring you on the face, the better for you.

Icheoku reiterates that it is ok to eject people who look like Kevin Smith from airplanes on account of excessive poundage, and if that is the wake-up call they need to do something about their weight, so be it. The apology of South West to Kevin Smith should not have been tendered admitted business backlash may have influenced it; and if it made Kevin mad that he was deplaned, then let him take the pounds off. All the outcry is about empty empathetic emotions, since South West did nothing wrong but merely enforced an existing airline policy which was never made for or specifically targeted Kevin Smith? It was a good policy meant to check excessive human poundage akin to the excessive luggage requirement. Finally, Kevin Smith should know that the days of "super-size-me" are since over; and now, lean is in and very sexy; as all gluttons are headed to boot-camps to offload excessive mass! Get it Kevin Smith, call the "Biggest Loser" today.

LADY GAGA, WHY SHE DID IT?

She performed practically naked during a show watched by millions of Americans and the world at large, including children. But no major hoopla was raised about her indecent exposure, or the fact that she was publicly displaying her female genitalia on national television, why? Janet Jackson, during a once Super Bowl half-time show, exposed one of her mammary gland with the nipple fully covered as required by law, yet they called for her head for in their words, 'shamelessly "defiling" children's sensibilities?' Janet was called all sorts of names and accused of all manner of things including exposing children to pornography; yet children suckle on their mother's breasts while weaning? Icheoku asks, between a breast and a vagina, which one is more 'adults-only' to warrant a superior caution and protection from children? Which of the two female body-parts if wrongly showed, would mostly and more offensively, constitute an indecent exposure?

Lady Gaga, appeared at the last American Grammy Award 2010 dressed in an outfit with a bikini-like bottom that could almost pass for a thong? It showed her fully shaved vaginal parameters walls, and barely covering her labials; which led one commentator to 'eulogise' the striptease display as 'exhibiting her "beautiful vagina?'' In a piece titled 'Lady Gaga gender rumors debunked once and for all', posted on February 2, 2010 in the Huffington-Post, the author, glorifying Lady Gaga's bare-bottom nakedness wrote, "Just in case there was any residual doubt that Lady Gaga was harboring a penis under her glittery stage-wear, photos from her amazing Grammy performance indicate she's all female. Last summer at a concert in the UK, an upskirt snap of Gaga showed what looked like a tiny penis. Gaga was the subject of widespread hermaphrodite rumors and embraced as a post-gender icon before she defended her "beautiful vagina."

Icheoku asks what is so beautiful about Lady Gaga's vagina to warrant such flagrant indecent exposure of it before millions of world-wide viewers including children, who have been wondering and sometimes asking their mothers, where babies come from? What is so beautiful about a drab-looking piece of flesh except the imagination of driving into its hot volcano? What is so sightly about a slab looking female genitalia that any writer could find comfort in defending its crass exhibition by anyone, including Lady or rather Stripper Gaga? If not that vagina serve as a conduit to bring babies into this world, what else is so beautiful about the vagina especially this one under advisement? Icheoku says, vagina is beautiful so long as it is hidden and difficult to see and reach; without effort being made to reach and unravel it, there is no beauty in it. Simply put, it is the road traveled to reach the destination that commands the respect and admiration of vagina; but not when it is flagrantly thrust upon everyone's face, in at-your-face-like manner, as Lady Gaga just did? Such exhibitionism makes vagina cheap, nasty, ugly and uninviting; and Lady or Stripper Gaga should have known better and covered up a little bit more.

Why write this piece since I am not an anti-female sexuality chauvinistic pig or have anything against eroticism or its exhibition? I write because the feminists of America called blue murder when Adam Lambert simulated eroticism during his appearance in last year's America's Music Award; and the same group of people are now maintaining a certain disquieting silence and ironically, praising Lady Gaga's exhibitionism, as trail-blazing and a testament to the beauty of the vagina? Double standards? What an arrant nonsense by a sexist feminists dominated society, gradually trying so hard to emasculate all their male counterparts and put away their masculinity in testicles-lock boxes; with due respect to the owner of that phrase, Rush Limbaugh!

Why should Icheoku mind, afterall Lady Gaga is an adult and can do with her body whatever she pleases? Yes, but not before a world-wide television audience with a lot of children watching? Moreso with the selectiveness of what is decent or not, depending on who don it or who was wearing what? If a black girl, wrong? If a male of whatever race, wrong? But for a white girl, there must be an explanation as she could be just showing off her "beautiful vagina" to debunk suspicion of being a travesty or hermaphrodite? Really? I don't get it, I won't get it, and I refuse to get it that it is ok to appear on a stage for a world-wide performance in "bikinis," which barely covered her vaginal lips? No, it is not alright, or proper or appropriate; Lady Gaga and her minders should have known better and acted otherwise, but instead they did not and surprisingly the media is carrying her waters that it is ok - the lady who can do no wrong was simply defending her "beautiful vagina?"

During our research for this article, we came upon a postulation that Lady Gaga came out partially naked on a world-wide stage just to prove that she has no phallus underneath; and that since it is being rumoured she is a man performing as a female, there was a need to publicly disprove that! Admitted that many people including this writer have wondered and theorised about the gender of the Madonna-on-steroids of this age; but that does not make it ok for such display as was put up with those offensive outfits. It is equally instructive that some people even likened her to the South Africa track-sensation, Caster Samanya and seriously questioned if Lady-G is a gender-fraud? We believe that such rumours got to her ear or that of her minders before they decided to put it away in a perpetual crypt; but how? She waited for the night of the Grammy's, when she knew that it will make much impact and off she went to the stage, clad in 'bikinis' like someone in a private beach in the Caribbean or Hawaii? I once watched her interview with Babara Walters wherein she admitted being a female who has sexual attraction for both sexes; ok, since being bisexual is somewhat being sexy and experimentation with matters of sex is not illegal. Lady Gaga could have in that interview gone a step further in clarifying her sexuality and quenching the rumoured hermaphrodite and/or dyke character; instead of the Grammy forum and in the manner she publicly "proved" it? The fact that her back-side looks too muscular and not very appetizing, sexually, did not deter her; but that may constitute some future discussion.

Our beef here is three-dimensional:- what she wore, the forum she wore it to and the lack of condemnation by the American public, particularly the media which saw nothing wrong in a Lady Gaga displaying her "beautiful vagina" and hard-knocks 'steroidal' arse in this vagrant manner?

It is very outrageous that such a warped explanation has now be invented for the biggest wardrobe malfunction of all times; which in hindsight, made the Janet Jackson's covered nipple 'accident' a child's play? This is one reason why people are very cynical and despondent with today's mass media, which they shamelessly and without caution tend to propagate a certain template as news/story, depending on who dunnit? Icheoku says, were it Beyonce or Rihanna that dared come out to that or any other stage for that matter, with their butts and/or vagina exposed in similar manner as Lady Gaga's, what would have become their fate? May be they would have been labelled 'whores', 'strippers' and not good for the children of America? A career-ending media blitzkrieg would have followed, activated with the sole objective to deliver a final blow to their careers; but no, the culprit here fits the acceptable color-scheme, and lo, she was only defending her "beautiful vagina?"

What a baloney of an explanation, and you wonder why the discordant tunes in race-relations continues and getting stronger in today's America? Icheoku for once, wished that Kanye West was around on that day to go up that stage and cover Lady Gaga's nakedness with his jacket; or better still, vocalize what many Americans felt was an indecent outfit to wear and perform in a Grammy's! We are not that conservative or hate some little teasing; no, our objection is the venue and the apparent "much ado about nothing" treatment it has thus far, received from the American mass media. Lady Gaga should not have worn that bikini-like outfit to the Grammy's and now that it is a fait-accompli, should acknowledge the impropriety of that outfit and apologise herself to millions of children and to some of us who would rather see some feminine body? The FCC should consider sanctioning the television station that failed to censure Lady Gaga's bikini lines and her rock-hard stocky buttocks; at least CBS was fined $500,000 for Janet Jackson's' wardrobe malfunction? Icheoku says, it ain't right; and without a reprimand through a strong disapproving statement of a hefty fine, one day, Lady Gaga shall push the envelope of indecent exposure all the way and appear for a performance, in her all natural outfit, the type the biblical Eve wore in the garden of Eden before the fall of man!